Thinking about you is like reading my favourite books repeatedly and turning it's pages with utmost care. Turning pages of my favourite books is like turning my very good memories with you, like every page is a very fortunate day of us. I read every line with full attention , as if my eyes and mind are only focussed on that very part no left no right. I just want to pick that very line of my mistake where something drift apart us. I love the very act of discovering you. I really feel goosebumps whenever I think about our relationship, how the strong feeling word love can be so beautifully meant. Some lines of our story are so precaped that I read it every time I found time. They are like the incantations that would bring back our memories. I don't want this book as a benchmark of pages. I want this book as an extraordinary, unlimited pages with never ending. I know at a time there was something we left out . Something we didn't share. But I just want to keep that aside. Somethings I really want to start over again. I don't know how much does it affect you , but this social distancing suffocates me a lot. Some nights are so long that this suffocation makes me die for you to see once.
Everyday kills the hope of seeing you sooner. I don't know what is ahead. You may think may be I am mad or I am extra affected by love or some kind of childishnature. But it's not. We are so near but then also we are so far. Sometimes I went back to those school times where a day without you seeing likes that day is likely not going to end. But here we are so many months, so many days socially distanced ourselves that we can't enjoy our valuable time. I really get mad at times.I control my mood . I control my every kinds of depression. I overthink but the fact is I don't want to do. My tears are dropping but its not for any reasons. Its just for missing you so much that I can't explain. Everytime I miss your gentle touch, your hands scrolling over my hair, missing your voice, everything about you I miss . Can't we just enjoy our happiness out in a place where no one will disturb us ? You, me , two cups of " chai" and one favourite melody . I want to be so together that we don't have to say anything at all, just watch the rain outside, sip our tea and look at each other and give each other a smile such that I can stare at your " O God, that damn smile" .
Yes you are lucky enough that not only you are my 2 A.M version of thoughts, but also you are in my every hours , minutes and seconds of my thoughts. You are revolving around me like the sun revolves around the earth. With all I have, I would like to say I love you the most❤️.
© Sangita Rudra