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At The Edge...
"And then you left, after you promised me not to leave."
How would you be able to make me believe again?
You could be him or her.
Him who said 'I love you' in the sweetest melody of his voice but is quick to leave at the first sign of storm. He's like a fly escaping a tornado. At first, he held my hand like the grip of a giant. Strong and brave. I guess, he forgot that with the same hand, he could also squish anyone—and...squish, he did.
He squished my heart until all there is left is the shell.
"I am sorry. I didn't mean it." He said.
Sorry. I didn't knew that word could render me speechless. Sorry? It could have made me feel lighter in a sense but...I feel strangled with the way he looked at me. Was that pity I see or was that his own ignorance revealing itself? Nevertheless, at the end of the day, he taught me one thing.
'I love you' is a 'goodbye' in camouflage.
I thought I learned my lesson.
But then, being a butterfly that could cross two bridges, I met her. She looked like an angel when she swept me off my feet. But—along the line, yes. She literally swept me to the ground without catching my fall. She left bruises, broken bones, and burns in her wake. She dragged me to a lifetime of bleeding and suffering. She promised that she'd protect me from the daggers thrown by everyone around us. That we'd forever be holding each others hand.
Liar.
She made me her shield against the war before plunging a knife in my chest herself. And then, she ran away without even looking back at me. I bled almost to death. Not only physically. I felt like the life I have left is being sucked away by the emptiness inside me. She made me realize that...
'Trust' is best served with a thorn to protect itself.
Maybe if I wrapped myself in thorns and nails before, I wouldn't have to cry to sleep for years while telling myself I wasn't worth anything tinged with pure love. He would've never stained the promise of 'I love you', giving me nightmares every night, and she wouldn't have to kill me with her knife everyday for the past 5 years.
But I wasn't prepared then. It took me a very long time to build this barrier and thick armor to protect myself. Finally. I didn't need anyone's shield anymore.
I am my own shield and sword.
And now you were asking me to let you in? In my forth where you could cause chaos and dilemma? What could you offer me that I didn't learned before? How deep is the love you promise me that I'd have to risk standing at the edge of the dark abyss again? Your words were nothing but empty promises to me. Your actions may seem real but—how would you be able to prove you weren't lying?
You could be him and her at the same time.
You could tell me how much you love me and that you'd protect me from harm but poison my food when I'm not looking. You could kiss me and caress me like your most precious gem but stub me with my eyes open the next second.
How could you make me trust your intention when someone already ruined me before?
Life is a series of repetition.
How could I believe you when all the world had shown me was tragedy hidden under sweet icing and sprinkles?
Are you worth the sacrifice?
Are you?
🥀
© astaire_grey
How would you be able to make me believe again?
You could be him or her.
Him who said 'I love you' in the sweetest melody of his voice but is quick to leave at the first sign of storm. He's like a fly escaping a tornado. At first, he held my hand like the grip of a giant. Strong and brave. I guess, he forgot that with the same hand, he could also squish anyone—and...squish, he did.
He squished my heart until all there is left is the shell.
"I am sorry. I didn't mean it." He said.
Sorry. I didn't knew that word could render me speechless. Sorry? It could have made me feel lighter in a sense but...I feel strangled with the way he looked at me. Was that pity I see or was that his own ignorance revealing itself? Nevertheless, at the end of the day, he taught me one thing.
'I love you' is a 'goodbye' in camouflage.
I thought I learned my lesson.
But then, being a butterfly that could cross two bridges, I met her. She looked like an angel when she swept me off my feet. But—along the line, yes. She literally swept me to the ground without catching my fall. She left bruises, broken bones, and burns in her wake. She dragged me to a lifetime of bleeding and suffering. She promised that she'd protect me from the daggers thrown by everyone around us. That we'd forever be holding each others hand.
Liar.
She made me her shield against the war before plunging a knife in my chest herself. And then, she ran away without even looking back at me. I bled almost to death. Not only physically. I felt like the life I have left is being sucked away by the emptiness inside me. She made me realize that...
'Trust' is best served with a thorn to protect itself.
Maybe if I wrapped myself in thorns and nails before, I wouldn't have to cry to sleep for years while telling myself I wasn't worth anything tinged with pure love. He would've never stained the promise of 'I love you', giving me nightmares every night, and she wouldn't have to kill me with her knife everyday for the past 5 years.
But I wasn't prepared then. It took me a very long time to build this barrier and thick armor to protect myself. Finally. I didn't need anyone's shield anymore.
I am my own shield and sword.
And now you were asking me to let you in? In my forth where you could cause chaos and dilemma? What could you offer me that I didn't learned before? How deep is the love you promise me that I'd have to risk standing at the edge of the dark abyss again? Your words were nothing but empty promises to me. Your actions may seem real but—how would you be able to prove you weren't lying?
You could be him and her at the same time.
You could tell me how much you love me and that you'd protect me from harm but poison my food when I'm not looking. You could kiss me and caress me like your most precious gem but stub me with my eyes open the next second.
How could you make me trust your intention when someone already ruined me before?
Life is a series of repetition.
How could I believe you when all the world had shown me was tragedy hidden under sweet icing and sprinkles?
Are you worth the sacrifice?
Are you?
🥀
© astaire_grey
