It's been close to two months and I learned more than just staring at the water. They kept asking me, if I loved the ocean and if that's true, why did I shake everytime a wave rose upto the deck? Why didn't I join the party patrolling nearby on speed boat? I wanted to answer these, but I kept that deep dark secret to myself. Well, it's time to let it unfold now...

Yes I love the ocean. From the beach. Where it's safe. Especially while the waves doesn't grow tall above my chest. For the short person I am, that's not much of a height to many. Why I am scared...? I've heard people telling that they expect to see or sense ghosts while they're washing face in the sink or stand under the shower. It's not ghosts for me. It's big, huge waves coming at me while I close my eyes. Sometimes it's clear blue water in the daylight. Sometimes it's muddy brown waves. Sometimes it's dark black waves in the moonlight and thunder behind it. In all these cases, I do panic and open my eyes when the waves fall, not giving a shit of soap getting into my eyes. It stings, but I choose rather to come to my senses than getting myself a heart attack. Even if I'd come across a video of mid ocean surface, I panic. If I see waves rising in it, I'd close the app immediately. Not to mention I'd throw my phone away if it was a video of storm. It's a nightmare which always have me waking up anytime after midnight. I don't know why this happens. I have no history of drowning. But this always scare the hell out of me.

Anyway, sleeping on a floating boat right above what scares me, I considered it a great progress. The haunting is less now. A new dream kept coming to me though... Not the waves, not the storm, but the sound of whales. It wasn't scary, it was more like lullaby. I wonder how I slept through storms listening to lullabies in my head, sung by whales... Was I going crazy?

TBC...
© the_woman

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