I belong to Odisha the transitional state between south and North India. After completing my bachelor's I came to Tamil Nadu to do my masters. I was scienceholic back then. I saved money for 2 years to buy myself a telescope 🔭 and I spend nights gazing at stars. After my Msc my friends were engaged in different company for employment. I was confused 🤔 with myself, so all these passion for geology, stars, planets ends with a job working for a company.

I said no to myself and decided to do PhD in Applied Geology in Tamil Nadu. I always dreamt to be a scientist. I was passionate about all the natural processes of Earth, Extraterrestrial objects, the origin of Universe. I wasn't the best student back then neither I was a genius but I was intelligent for sure. The first year of PhD was exciting but only for some time, I went through lots of journals and articles. I was searching for a question to ask and a hypothesis to it. In my second year I found what I want to do. I got something to compare between Earth and Mars (the dunes). But it's not as easy as it may seem.

In 2022 doing PhD is like becoming a Sage, you sacrifice your fun with friends, you sacrifice partying, you stay away from family and loved ones. Basically I watched my friends getting jobs and marrying the love of thier life and there was me in a lab 🧪 24*7 trying to figure out my next step. My third year was the most pathetic time of my life. I was exhausted, depressed, no clear path for the next move and I went blank closed myself in my room. I thought of quitting and didn't go to lab or University for 2 straight months. Didn't clean my beard and drank alot of black coffee, some days I didn't even bothered to eat. I hated myself for choosing research as my career. Those days were tough and something incredible happened.

As my mind was blank for the first time in life and I was reluctant to take anyone's help, my mind went into a zone were I was able to see things more deeper. I was calm now and was open to new experience other than science. Nearby my room a grocery store exist. A charming 43-44 year old lady use to sit there and deals with the customers. I went to the shop and asked for a pack of bread, she didn't listen to me, I asked again in a loud voice and she shockingly gazed at me. She handed me my packet but I was amazed how indulged that lady was in reading a book. I asked what's the name of the book "Pineal gland : An interface between physical and spritual" she replied. (Pituitary Gland is the soul they say, it is equally complicated)

I understood everything but the spiritual thing was from another universe for a science student like me. I took interest in it by reading about it and as I wasn't progressing in my PhD, I went deep into spirituality and yoga. I spent the whole corona situation trying to solve the bridge between science and spirituality. I didn't knew where I was going but I was at peace and I was more calmer than ever in my entire life. I learned how to be patient and accept things that ok if it's not going my way, there should be another way. I accepted that it was my choice not to settle but to do PhD and I have to face the challenges because this is the process which everyone goes through.

I started taking relationships seriously. Got close to friends and family. Took care of my body and mind. I cleaned my beard and went straight to lab again. I worked day and night, slowly and gradually i was able to complete my thesis and I will be submitting it by the end of this year. But after all this I am a weirdo now a Researcher+ self acclaimed writer + spiritual (Shiva and Krishna bhakt)and I have also started bargaining with the vegetable ventors now whenever my Mom sends me to buy goods for home 😅. Sometimes we need to go deeper down and ask ourselves some questions. The motivation needs to come from inside. Only then we make our life disciplined in a longer term.

© Pratyk