Chapter One: Departure
I knocked on his door impatiently. I have to see his face before he leaves. Finally, he opened it. I ran to him and pulled Trey into a tight hug.
“Please, don’t leave!” I pleaded. Trey giggled. It was absolutely adorable, and it melts my heart everytime. Eventually, he freed himself from my grasp.
“I have to, babe. This is my dream college and I got accepted! If I’m going to go, it has to be now.” He said sternly.
“I know, but I’m going to miss you so much! How am I supposed to live without you? It’s impossible.” I joked. Trey pulled me close and looked directly into my eyes.
“Look, I’m going to miss you, too, but I really have to go. I definitely won’t be able to concentrate in my classes with you on my mind all day, though.” Trey smiled, and I nuzzled my face into his chest. He whispered softly in my ear.
“I love you, Ally.” I glanced up and gazed into his bright blue eyes. He looked into mine in return, noticeably bothered.
“I love you, too.” I responded. He blushed and I kissed his cheek, “You’re blushing, babe.” I laughed.
“Oh, shit, sorry.” He turned away, getting redder. Trey wasn’t one to show his feelings often, so this was odd to me. I tried to change the subject.
“Are you all packed and ready to go?” He turned towards me once again, and gave me a silent nod, followed by, “almost”. I could tell something was wrong, but he hated when I pestered him about how he felt, so I decided against acknowledging it.
I helped him pack the rest of the day. We played our favorite songs and danced together - it was one of our favorite things to do, just like in any chick - flick. We had so much fun, and wished our time together would never end. But of course, when I head home tonight, he would be leaving for college soon after. When we finished packing, we danced to one final song - our special song: Infinity by Jaymes Young. But he didn’t seem himself at all. He had stopped smiling and couldn’t look me in the eyes.
“Are you okay, Trey?” I tilted his chin up to coax him to look at me.
“Y - Yeah. I just d - don’t want to leave.” He was lying. I could see the guilt in his eyes. Why would he lie about something like that? What is he hiding? But being the naive little girl I am, I believed him.
“Okay…” I replied to him. We continued to dance, the tension hanging in the air. When our song was finished, he let go of me quickly and ran over to check his phone, “Is it time already? I feel like I just got here!” I joked. He walked over to me and hugged me tightly. I hugged back, like always.
“I’m going to miss you, Ally. And your hugs. And your kisses. Everything. I’m sorry I have to leave you for this. I love you so much.” Trey spilled. I was confused yet flattered. He usually wasn’t this emotional.
“It’s okay, love, it’s college. You don’t have to apologize. I love you, too.” I responded.
“Right.” We hugged even tighter, and he was holding back tears. This confused me even more. I knew he was hiding something from me, but at this moment, I didn’t want to believe it. We hugged for what seemed like forever, and when we finally let go of each other, we were both holding back tears.
“Bye, Trey.” Was all I could mutter. I kissed him for the last time before I had to go home. As I was walking out the door, I could practically feel the guilt radiating off of him. I turned around just long enough for him to mumble softly.
“Goodbye, Ally.”

Chapter Two: Home
I left that night in deep thought. I was thinking about everything. What am I going to do without him? How will I spend my days? Knowing him, he’ll get on just fine without me. But I still worry - will he forget about me?
I pull into my driveway to see light coming out of the living room window, illuminating my car on the outside. This is peculiar. My mother never leaves the light on this late. Her and father are usually passed out drunk by now. I am welcomed with the pungent smell of liquor and smoke. It didn’t really phase me anymore, I had to suffer through it everyday since I was little. I set my keys on the counter quietly, so I wouldn’t wake them if they were sleeping.
Didn’t work.
“Why are you home so late? You should’ve been home hours ago!” My mother got up from her seat on the tattered couch. She looked furious.
“I texted you, mother. I told you that I was staying later to help him pack.” I said defensively.
“Don’t you talk back to me. You should have asked first, but no. What a little brat wants to do, a little brat does. Since when do you run this house?” She sneered. My mother started walking slowly towards me. I backed away, scared.
“I thought it would be okay with you, you usually don’t care. I’m sorry I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend before he leaves for college!” At my remark, my father got up and smacked me hard, making my face burn.
“Don’t you dare talk to your mother like that! And sure, you wanted to spend time with your precious little boy - toy. What kind of time, Ally? Answer wisely.” He got so close that I could smell the liquor on his breath. He started to undo his belt.
“God! Can’t teenagers hang out without people always assuming the worst? I helped him pack, father. Now leave me alone!” I tried to barge through them, but my mother grabbed my wrist before I could. I knew what was coming, but I frankly didn’t care. At this point, everything was falling apart.
Then it happened.
My father whacked me with his belt while my mother just stood and watched it happen. She never used to be this way. An alcoholic, I mean. When I was two, she had a miscarriage. She started drinking until it eventually turned into a problem. On the other hand, my father was always an alcoholic. But after the miscarriage, he started abusing me. While my father did this, my mother never joined in because she knew my father could handle it on his own. But I liked to believe that she didn’t participate because somewhere deep underneath the alcohol and hatred, she knew it was wrong.
When I started school, no one asked why I would show up everyday with cuts and bruises. They always just assumed it was because I was a clumsy child. That’s when I met Trey. We became best friends immediately, and some part of me instantly knew that I could trust him. We were inseparable. He would stick up for me and clean up my wounds after my parents hurt me. He was my only friend, and I knew I could count on him for anything. We stayed best friends until high school, when he asked me out. They say best friends shouldn’t date, but we didn’t care - it only made our love for each other grow stronger and flourish. We’ve been together for three years now.
My parents don’t like Trey, or anyone for that matter. Not even their own daughter. They constantly remind me of it, too. It doesn’t affect me anymore.
“You needy little brat!”
“You’re so selfish!”
“No one likes you!” As they took turns screaming their brutal insults at me, I slowly got up from the floor and pushed through them. My father tried to grab me, but I was too quick for his drunk reflexes. I ran to my room and slammed the creaky door. I could still hear them yelling vulgar things, but I could only make out one in particular:
“I’m glad Trey’s gone. Maybe you’ll get your head out of the clouds and actually focus on things worthy of your time. God knows he’s a bad influence on you! Ever since you guys started dating, you’ve become even more useless and distracted.” It doesn’t bother me when it’s about myself, but when they bring Trey into it, it cuts deep and weighs heavy on my heart. It hurts me beyond words can describe. One of these days I’ll finally work up the courage to leave this hellhole.
One day, I will. But for now, I fall onto my bed and lay on my aching back. I wiped my bloody nose and licked my lips, tasting the salty blood. After a while, the taste becomes quotidian.

Chapter Three: Routine
I woke up in the clothes from yesterday. This happens more than you think it would - I end up falling asleep while doing homework or after I get home late. As I get up out of bed, I start to think about what my mother said last night. She called Trey a “distraction”, and maybe she was right. But Trey was a good distraction. He kept me focused on school instead of concentrating on my abundant flaws. He got me involved in clubs so I would be away from home as long as I could. Trey kept me distracted from the constant fear of coming home every night.
I quickly grabbed some clothes from my laundry bin and walked to the bathroom. Hot showers usually helped in the mornings, although my parents didn’t particularly like me using all of the hot water. Oh well. I trotted into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I don’t know why I do it, I guess some part of me is constantly afraid.
“Ally, don’t use all of the hot water! I have to shower before work!” My mother called from the kitchen.
“I know, mother! I’ll be out in a few!” I shouted back. I slowly stepped into the shower, then turned the water on. It was cold at first, sending shivers down my spine, but it soon transitioned to the hot water I favored. I let the water run down my body, calming my mind. I slowly run my hands through my long hair, closing my eyes to let the hot water hit my face. I can’t help but let my tears fall, tired of holding them in. They get lost among the abundant hot water droplets spiraling down the stainless steel drain.
“I miss you.” I say aloud to no one, thinking about Trey. Just letting my mind wander to him was a mistake. Now the tears fall harder, and it’s less difficult to decipher what are tears and what are water droplets. All of the pain from last night hits me like a delayed reaction, and I find myself sliding down the side of the shower to sit on the floor. I rest my head in my hands and let out a sigh full of emotion.
“What is taking you so long? Hurry up! I have to get ready soon!” My mother yelled. I took this as a sign to get up and finish my shower. Shower? More like a therapy session.
“Okay, I’m done! I’m sorry!” I shouted to my mother from the bathroom as I was leaving. I got ready as quickly as I could, and almost fell down the stairs in the process. I did not need another busted lip.
“And where do you think you’re going?” My father was blocking the door. His speech was slurred, day drinking had already begun. This was not a good sign.
“I’m heading out. I was going to enjoy the warm weather.” I explained.
“Oh, you’re not going anywhere, Ally. You aren’t allowed to. Not after last night.”
“Why? I wanted to enjoy these next few days before school starts again.”
“Because I said so. You don’t deserve it.”
“I’m 18! You can’t keep me here.” I started to raise my voice, and his belt started to come off.
“Are you serious? You’re going to start this early in the morning?” He came closer.
“You’re really going to start drinking this early in the morning?” That earned me a whack across the waist.
“Shut up, Ally.” He moved away from the door, giving me an opportunity to escape. And any opportunity he gives - I’m going to take. I shoved him out of the way, throwing the door open as fast as I could muster. I slid through the opening of the door and slammed it behind me. I ran to my car parked in the driveway. Luckily, I got in my car and locked it before my father wobbled out of the house. Foot already on the gas, I started my car up and shifted it into gear. I sped out of my driveway just as my father reached my window.
I got lucky - most days I’m not.

Chapter Four: A Hill and A Pond
I breathed out a sigh of relief. It felt good to escape, but yet I regretted it. I would be coming home to angry parents. But I didn’t want to think about that right now. I just wanted to focus on getting to my favorite spot - a small hill on the outskirts of town. It wasn’t the typical beautiful city lookout in every Hollywood movie, but it was good enough for me. It was beside a car repair shop, and it looked out over a tiny pond. It wasn’t very quiet, but the noise blocked out everything in my mind.
Trey introduced me to this spot when we were around 11 or 12. We would come here everyday after school and have skipping stone competitions in the pond. He would always let me win, he told me one day, because he loved the way I jumped around when I celebrated. He told me it was the cutest thing, and that’s when he fell in love with me. So I come here whenever I can and just think.
Sometimes I write down how I feel. In a way, it helps me cope. Other times I draw. Today, that’s exactly what I’m doing. I get out of my car and tread up the hill. I don’t sit down quite yet, though. I let the breeze blow by, and my hair whips around with the wind. I close my eyes, listening. Don’t ask me what I’m listening for, for I couldn’t give you an answer. I just… listen. I then decide to sit on the ground, getting my notebook and pencil out.
“Hey, Ally! What are you drawing today?” A mechanic shouted. I had come here so often that I made some friends over at the car repair shop. They would occasionally check up on me while I sit up on the hill.
“I don’t know yet. I haven’t really decided.” I shouted back.
“Alright, hun. Just show me when you’re done. I wanna see!” His name is Levi, and he’s probably the most encouraging person I’ve met besides Trey. I threw my hand up in a thumbs up and looked back down at my notebook. I searched my mind for something to draw, but I realized it was right in front of me.
The pond. The hill. Everything. I started right away, knowing it would take me hours. I looked around one more time before I started sketching, knowing it was useless - I knew this place like the back of my hand.

*Two Hours Later*

I set my pencil down on the ground next to my leg. My hand aches, but I use it to hold up my notebook. It was by far my best work, and I definitely have to text Trey a picture of it later. I make my way down the hill, carrying my stuff under my arm.
“Levi!” I called out. I saw Levi peek his head out of the hood of an old Chevy pickup. He smiled and wiped his hands on a piece of old cloth.
“Are you finished?” He asked. I handed him my drawing and his eyes lit up.
“Do you like it?” He handed me my drawing back in awe.
“I love it. It’s beautiful, Ally, honestly. Why aren’t you going to art school next year? You could really get somewhere with skills like that.”
“It’s not that good, Levi. But thank you!” I paused, trying to think of a convincing lie to tell him, “I would love to go to art school, but I don’t know how to apply and I don’t really have the money right now.” Part of that was true - the money aspect. But the real reason was the fact that my parents would never let me go to college, and I frankly don’t think I’m good enough.
“Oh, but it is that good. You know, I could help you apply and get you a loan. I really think you could go far, kiddo.” Levi explained.
“It’s really okay, Levi. I don’t think I’m cut out for college - I’d get too homesick.” I laughed, knowing that was a huge lie. I’d do anything to get out of town.
“Alright, but the offer still stands. Have a great day, Ally, I have to get back to work!” He exclaimed.
“You, too.” I smiled and slowly turned around. This man is more of a father figure than my own father. I walked back to my car and started it up. I turned on my radio, quietly at first, but then louder and louder. As I was leaving, I couldn’t help but wonder about my future. What am I going to do? I still had one year of high school left, Trey being one year older than me. I was already 18 and able to make decisions for myself, but some part of me was afraid of what my parents will do if I take advantage of that privilege.
I turn my radio up even louder, trying to block out the nerves swirling through my mind. I decided to just drive nowhere, have no destination. Before I knew what I was doing, I turned onto the highway, heading towards Sheridan, Wyoming - two hours away. Trey decided to go to college there for applied sciences. I don’t know why I was driving there, but I guess my body felt the need to.
So I continued driving, farther and farther away from that hill by the pond.

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