Chapter Nine: Ghost
I didn’t know if I was allowed back home. They made it clear that they wanted me gone this morning, but I didn’t have time to ask if I was welcome back. I had to drive Connie home anyway, so I had time to contemplate my options.
“You want the radio on?” I asked.
“Sure!” I turned the radio on, and put it on a random station.
“You are welcome to change it to whatever station you want to listen to.” Almost instantly, Connie reached forward and switched stations. I could hear her singing along with it softly, and she was actually pretty good, “Are you in choir?”
“Yeah, but I’m not very good at it.”
“Well, I think you are. I think you sound like an angel.” I smiled and she smiled back.
“Thank you, but I really don’t.” She looked down at her shoes, avoiding eye contact.
“Who says you don’t?” I questioned. She continued staring at the floor.
“My mom.” My heart dropped. She didn’t deserve that kind of hurt.
“Hey, listen to me. I’m going to tell you something.” Connie looked up, tears in her eyes, “I understand how you feel. My parents aren’t very supportive either. They can be mean, but I always remind myself that what they say doesn’t reflect anyone else’s opinion of me. And I think you have a beautiful voice. Don’t listen to your mother - you have serious talent, and you will go far.” I reassured her. Her face lit up, and it made my heart skip a beat. She’s too young to feel that type of pain, and knowing that I may have helped her - even a little bit - makes me happy.
“Thank you, Ally. It means a lot more than you realize.”
“No problem, kiddo.” I turned up the radio, starting to sing with her - the only difference was the fact that she can sing, and I can’t.
“This is my street.” I followed her direction, and pulled into a small cul de sac.
“Nice neighborhood.” I piped up.
“The last one on the left is home.” Home. I felt my heart sink, knowing I might not have a place to go home to. I drove to the end, and pulled into her driveway slowly.
“See you tomorrow, Connie.”
“Thanks for the ride, and you, too!” She called out. I proceeded to head back in the direction of my own home in silence. In a way, the silence was deafening - blocking out everything in my head. No matter how hard I tried to coax the quiet to block out the thoughts in my mind, it was no use. I was overcome with despair, and once again fell into a state of depression. It has been happening more and more often lately, and everytime it gets worse. I caught myself drifting into the other lane, and quickly jerked the wheel back. What if I hadn't jerked the wheel? What if I just let myself drift away? I pushed the thoughts away. Now was not the time for that.
I soon reached my house, and nervously pulled into the driveway. I walked through the door, expecting to be ambushed. I flinched as I closed the front door, but nothing happened. I stepped into the kitchen, but I saw no one there. I peeked my head around the corner to find my parents in the living room sitting on the tattered couch.
“I’m home.” I said in monotone. They said nothing. I didn’t persist. I grabbed a snack from the cupboard, confused as to why they acted like they didn’t hear me. I then walked back in the living room without knowing what I was doing, “I said ‘I’m home’. Why are you guys ignoring me?” Again there was no answer from either of them. I just headed to my room, giving up on them, because they had obviously given up on me. I walked slowly up the creaky stairs, occasionally looking over my shoulder in case they attacked me from behind. What a shame. But I successfully got to my room and closed the door, “Weird.”
I started on my homework, not having too much to do. I finished 15 minutes later, and eventually moved on to drawing. I didn’t feel like leaving again, although I told Levi I would see him later. It was early, so I would just go later. I grabbed my pencil from my desk and my notebook from my backpack. I decided to draw Trey and I, since he had been on my mind. It started as a cute sketch of us dancing, but bit by bit it transformed into something else. Trey was on one side of the paper, back turned with one arm extended behind him. I was drawn on the other side, falling, with my legs swept out from underneath me. My arms outstretched to reach him, but only my hand touched the tips of his fingers - desperately trying to hold on to him. The distance between us was small on paper, but God knows it felt bigger in reality. I felt a tear fall, dripping onto my half of the paper. How ironic.
I finished my drawing, my hands aching terribly. I left my room, nervously going downstairs to leave. I snatched my car keys from the kitchen counter and slipped some old shoes on, surprised at my parents lack of interference.
“I’m leaving for a little bit. I’ll be back by seven.” Still no answer. Not even an acknowledgment of my departure, “Um, bye, I guess.” I stepped out. I knew it was my fault that they were acting like this. It absolutely crushed me. Something about the silence was much worse than the abuse. I couldn’t quite explain it. It was as if they couldn’t see me, but could only feel my presence.
I was a ghost to them, and they will continue to look right through me.

Chapter Ten: Levi
I drove to my spot by the pond. I didn’t bring anything with me, I had run out of creativity for the day. When I got there, I brought myself up the hill and sat down somberly. I stared off into nowhere, lost in thought. An emotionless tear rolled out of my left eye, falling into my lap. I felt a hand on my shoulder, startling me.
“Hey, kiddo.” It was Levi. I let out a sigh of relief.
“Hey.” I said dispassionately.
“What’s wrong?” I simply laughed. I couldn’t hide the pain from him anymore.
“Everything. Just, everything.”
“What happened?”
“My parents hate me. Trey is slowly distancing himself from me, even if he won’t admit it. School is full of fake friends and persistent bullies. Home is an actual hell. It’s just getting really hard to deal with, Levi, and I don’t think I’ll be able to take it much longer.” He wrapped his arm around me, comforting me.
“I’m so sorry, Ally. I’m here for you, and I always will be.”
“No, you don’t understand, Levi. It’s not just problems that will pass.”
“Talk to me, kiddo. What’s going on?”
“I’m not wanted. Anywhere.” I felt the tears coming, and I didn’t hold them in.
“Of course you are. I want you, Trey wants you, your parents want you -”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. My parents don’t want me, they told me to my face. It seems like things between us only keep getting worse. And my relationship with Trey gets more distant and distorted every day we’re apart.”
“Allison,” He never calls me that, “you are wanted. Your parents are so wrong for telling you that. And, yes, relationships are complicated, especially long distance ones. But everything will be okay. I know they will. Have you tried talking to your parents or Trey about how you feel?”
“I can’t. My parents look right through me. And Trey, well, he just turns everything into an argument. We used to be able to talk about everything, but ever since he moved, he’s been acting strange. I wish I knew why, but yet again, maybe I don’t.” I spilled.
“What do you mean your parents look right through you?”
“They aren’t the nicest, Levi.”
“Allison, tell me what you mean.”
“They abuse me, okay? And we had a fight this morning. I questioned them, which proved to be a bad idea. They told me I wasn’t wanted, and when I came home today, they were completely silent.”
“Oh my goodness. Why didn’t you tell me earlier, Allison? I could’ve helped you!”
“Levi, it’s always been this way.”
“How long ago did it start?”
“16 years ago.” I balled my hands into fists, angry at myself for telling him this.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“It was a normal thing for me. They threatened to hurt me even more if I told someone. Trust me, I tried. But my parents were too clever, and got away with it everytime.”
“Does anyone know besides me?”
“Trey knows. He always comforted me when I needed it, and he listened.”
“Why didn’t he tell anyone? If he really cared as much as you make it seem, he would’ve told someone. He would’ve tried to help you, Allison.” I didn’t want to believe it, but what he was saying was true.
“I don’t know, Levi. I’ve never thought of it that way.” I realized now how stupid I was. I can’t believe I had just spilled everything to him. But maybe it was time to come clean. I felt weight lift off of my fragile shoulders, and everything felt like it was slowly piecing itself back together. But yet somehow, I still felt like something was missing. I wiped the last of my tears away, and Levi pulled me into a hug. My father had never hugged me like this, let alone done it at all. As I sat there being held by the only father figure I had, a distant memory drifted into my mind.
I was sitting alone on the back porch of our house. I had just gotten in trouble with my mother, and she yelled at me. I was five, three years older after her miscarriage. Things hadn’t gotten as bad as they were now, although my mother had started drinking a year after it happened, and my father started abusing me around that same time frame. That day she had been drinking a little more than usual, but not enough to make impulsive decisions. As I was sitting alone, she walked out of the back door and sat next to me on the porch.
“I’m sorry, Ally.” My mother apologized. It would be the last time she apologized. She grabbed my little hand and squeezed it lightly, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”
“Leave me alone.”
“Ally, please forgive me.” Now, it was me pleading for forgiveness.
“Mommy, you scared me.” Little me explained.
“I know, baby, I’m really sorry. It won’t happen again.” I looked up at her. Her eyes hadn’t turned emotionless yet, and her heart hadn’t been frozen over.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry for spilling my toys.” The next day, my toys had vanished. My father had thrown them all away.
“Don’t worry about it, Al. Give mommy a hug.” She pulled me close, wrapping her arms around me. I felt warm in her clutch, something I haven’t felt in a long time. Sitting here now with Levi brought that feeling back. I felt sheltered and safe, something I didn’t even feel in my own home. He let me go, unwrapping his arms from my body. I suddenly snapped back to reality, as if I had been trapped in my memory. No, I wasn’t trapped within the memory. I was trapped in a state of longing, just wanting to go back and stop the problems before they started.
“I’m sorry, Ally.” Levi said, as if echoing my mother in my recollection.
“It’s okay. Thank you for being here.” Levi just smiled and nodded. I turned my head away from him, looking off at the pond.
“Do you want some time alone, Al?”
“Yeah.” I said in a monotone. He got up and left, but kissed my forehead before he did. I brought my knees to my chest and reminisced. I stayed there until the sun set, later than what I told my parents. But they wouldn’t care anyway, if they had even been listening. I watched as the sky transformed into a magenta masterpiece, and then slowly melted away before my eyes. It was astonishing, and I sat there, silent, wishing this moment could last a lifetime.
Take me back.
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