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Narrow chapter 9
Victoria walked home slowly, past events came rushing through her mind, her mom, dad 'friends' and..
"cole"
she punches a tree and looks down she wants to cry but tears weren't coming out. she can still sense his touch but now she was disgusted by it.
Victoria wanted to run to go far away, where this pain couldn't reach her. she wanted to escape from the clutches of grief. There was no way she could go on like this, she was going to put an end to this,this time she meant it.
She opens the door of her house. As she walks into the living room, which is nothing but a room full of pile of bottles and cigarettes. she doesn't react. she doesn't try to gain attention , she sees her mother lying drunk on the floor.
If only if only. If only you were with me.
She thought as she was an arms length from her mom.
"Victoria, what are you doing dressed like that?".
She turns and faces the direction of the stern voice. She remembers she didn't have time to change and can't believe she walked back home half naked.
It sucked to be her.
"So you do care." she still stares at her mother,she gives her a long stare,a meaningful stare. she wished her mother had hugged her, she wished her mother was there to ask her, to understand her, she wished her mother loved her. She stood up her father still stunned by his daughter's reply
"You haven't answered me." he saids his voice stern.
"why should i?"she pauses "after all you are nothing to me"
"Victoria!" her father yells
"Dante!"she yells back
There is silence, she wants to hug someone, she needs his love not this stern behaviour. but even if he offered a hug she would have declined,as much as she loved him she hated him too. she could never forgive him and she knew she never would.
She kicks the wall and faces down now staring at the ground.
"I have always wanted to ask.. " her voice trailed off.
"Victoria,what's going on?, my love what's wrong?"
She ignores his warmth. such little amount can't melt her frozen heart.
"why did you leave...?" she said almost in a whisper.
"Victoria.. " his voice is weak.
"Did you leave because of me?. Didn't you love me?" Victoria said looking directly at him.
"Of course" he said avoiding eye contact.
"Liar!liar! You never loved me, you've never loved me."
"I love you"he said walking close.
"you don't abandon some one you love dad. "
There is silence.
"If only..." she walks close to him as she whispers"if only you had stayed!" she is yelling now.
"if only!" she is holding his collar now. she looks away.
"But I'm here now"
"You are too late dad, 13years isn't a joke"
"What's going on? " a tear falls down his cheeks
"Believe me even if I told you in the simplest language ever you wouldn't understand." the tears bottling up inside her are struggling to escape.
"I will!" he said holding her arms.
"Are you kidding me?, you don't even know me, you don't know my school, my favourite colour, favorite food whether am an introvert or an extrovert, I spent 13 years from you from her" she's yelling as she points at her mom.
"you only came after 13 years, all I wanted dad was to be loved. was for you to listen, but we were strangers all along,a phone call once a year and messages per month"
"I'm here now"
"Screw that dad"
She runs past him to her room. He follows yelling her name and telling her to stop she locks the door and immediately the tears she had been bottling up flowed down like a stream.
She leans against the door she starts remembering it all from the beginning.
Miliana, Ria, Tyler, Bruce,Leo. She remembers the fun times they had.
When did things change so fast, when why? .
A tear rolls down her eyes then the real picture comes 'Cole'.
Cole.
Images of him rapping her, Bruce loud screams Liliana crying her father banging the door.
Kindergarten repeating it self, elementary junior high , high school college. All her life,all her pathetic life she's been running ,running from today when she'd have to do it. she hoped for another way but no. fate had to be so cruel.
She looks up as she stands up, she closes her eyes and places her hands on her eyes she's drenched in Her own tears as they wet her shirt.
she wants it to stop all the voices in her head Cole's voice is the loudest
Nothing is ever so bad it can't get worse, strip her! Strip her!, stop! Stop! No no Victoria!
She opens her eyes, that was a call back to reality. She needs a way out the voices don't stop the continue louder and louder her father keeps banging the door.
A thought whispers Into her mind.
Is this what you want? A father who was never there,a mother who doesn't want you. a cousin who hates you, friends that don't exist anymore, is this the life you want to live? End your misery end it.
The voices sing here and there in her mind louder and louder with no mercy then she sees it.
the 'solution' to all her problems.
she walks to wards it her loyal friend 'the blade' the relationship they share goes way back, back before she began to think for her self the blade was there lying on that table waiting for today.
She picks it up.
End your misery end it. Now end it!
She goes to the bathroom and stares at the mirror her uniform is torn and soaked with tears she rips it off completely, as she walks into her bath tub.
she remembers something she gets up. Her father is still banging the door she ignores him. She presses the blade against her skin and soon thick blood comes out thick red blood it was something she swore she would never see.
Well here she is watching it flow she uses her finger to tap the flowing block an writes on the mirror.
You killed me.
She slowly enters the bath tub and slits her other hand soon the water becomes littered then she whispers the ending of a poem she wrote.
"since I can't keep going
Since this path is too rough
Let this blade pierce my skin
And water cleanse me
I'm dirty
I'm filth
Born of mistakes from existence.
"cole"
she punches a tree and looks down she wants to cry but tears weren't coming out. she can still sense his touch but now she was disgusted by it.
Victoria wanted to run to go far away, where this pain couldn't reach her. she wanted to escape from the clutches of grief. There was no way she could go on like this, she was going to put an end to this,this time she meant it.
She opens the door of her house. As she walks into the living room, which is nothing but a room full of pile of bottles and cigarettes. she doesn't react. she doesn't try to gain attention , she sees her mother lying drunk on the floor.
If only if only. If only you were with me.
She thought as she was an arms length from her mom.
"Victoria, what are you doing dressed like that?".
She turns and faces the direction of the stern voice. She remembers she didn't have time to change and can't believe she walked back home half naked.
It sucked to be her.
"So you do care." she still stares at her mother,she gives her a long stare,a meaningful stare. she wished her mother had hugged her, she wished her mother was there to ask her, to understand her, she wished her mother loved her. She stood up her father still stunned by his daughter's reply
"You haven't answered me." he saids his voice stern.
"why should i?"she pauses "after all you are nothing to me"
"Victoria!" her father yells
"Dante!"she yells back
There is silence, she wants to hug someone, she needs his love not this stern behaviour. but even if he offered a hug she would have declined,as much as she loved him she hated him too. she could never forgive him and she knew she never would.
She kicks the wall and faces down now staring at the ground.
"I have always wanted to ask.. " her voice trailed off.
"Victoria,what's going on?, my love what's wrong?"
She ignores his warmth. such little amount can't melt her frozen heart.
"why did you leave...?" she said almost in a whisper.
"Victoria.. " his voice is weak.
"Did you leave because of me?. Didn't you love me?" Victoria said looking directly at him.
"Of course" he said avoiding eye contact.
"Liar!liar! You never loved me, you've never loved me."
"I love you"he said walking close.
"you don't abandon some one you love dad. "
There is silence.
"If only..." she walks close to him as she whispers"if only you had stayed!" she is yelling now.
"if only!" she is holding his collar now. she looks away.
"But I'm here now"
"You are too late dad, 13years isn't a joke"
"What's going on? " a tear falls down his cheeks
"Believe me even if I told you in the simplest language ever you wouldn't understand." the tears bottling up inside her are struggling to escape.
"I will!" he said holding her arms.
"Are you kidding me?, you don't even know me, you don't know my school, my favourite colour, favorite food whether am an introvert or an extrovert, I spent 13 years from you from her" she's yelling as she points at her mom.
"you only came after 13 years, all I wanted dad was to be loved. was for you to listen, but we were strangers all along,a phone call once a year and messages per month"
"I'm here now"
"Screw that dad"
She runs past him to her room. He follows yelling her name and telling her to stop she locks the door and immediately the tears she had been bottling up flowed down like a stream.
She leans against the door she starts remembering it all from the beginning.
Miliana, Ria, Tyler, Bruce,Leo. She remembers the fun times they had.
When did things change so fast, when why? .
A tear rolls down her eyes then the real picture comes 'Cole'.
Cole.
Images of him rapping her, Bruce loud screams Liliana crying her father banging the door.
Kindergarten repeating it self, elementary junior high , high school college. All her life,all her pathetic life she's been running ,running from today when she'd have to do it. she hoped for another way but no. fate had to be so cruel.
She looks up as she stands up, she closes her eyes and places her hands on her eyes she's drenched in Her own tears as they wet her shirt.
she wants it to stop all the voices in her head Cole's voice is the loudest
Nothing is ever so bad it can't get worse, strip her! Strip her!, stop! Stop! No no Victoria!
She opens her eyes, that was a call back to reality. She needs a way out the voices don't stop the continue louder and louder her father keeps banging the door.
A thought whispers Into her mind.
Is this what you want? A father who was never there,a mother who doesn't want you. a cousin who hates you, friends that don't exist anymore, is this the life you want to live? End your misery end it.
The voices sing here and there in her mind louder and louder with no mercy then she sees it.
the 'solution' to all her problems.
she walks to wards it her loyal friend 'the blade' the relationship they share goes way back, back before she began to think for her self the blade was there lying on that table waiting for today.
She picks it up.
End your misery end it. Now end it!
She goes to the bathroom and stares at the mirror her uniform is torn and soaked with tears she rips it off completely, as she walks into her bath tub.
she remembers something she gets up. Her father is still banging the door she ignores him. She presses the blade against her skin and soon thick blood comes out thick red blood it was something she swore she would never see.
Well here she is watching it flow she uses her finger to tap the flowing block an writes on the mirror.
You killed me.
She slowly enters the bath tub and slits her other hand soon the water becomes littered then she whispers the ending of a poem she wrote.
"since I can't keep going
Since this path is too rough
Let this blade pierce my skin
And water cleanse me
I'm dirty
I'm filth
Born of mistakes from existence.
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