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Accepting What Is
Hated by the one that you love is so hard to accept. Trying to understand why you don't love me and convincing myself that you will never love me as you once did, is perhaps the hardest thing I've ever had to accept.
I feel as if I'm being buried yet I'm still alive, blaming myself for my misery.
My heart almost feels like it has sustained and injury.
And then there are times where I feel as if I'm in torturous waters being carried away towards a water fall with no one around to help me.
I'm lost at sea, you don't seem to even notice me. Asking myself why do I continue to stay in a life where I feel so lonely yet you lay right beside me. I blame myself for they are mere consequences of my choices, How was I to know I'd end up here.
I was a fool to think our love would never die. but I never thought your love for me would die.
I have to come right out and say that this isn't my first. I saw the warning signs, I saw the red flags, I saw the red lights. I saw them all. I just wanted so much to be the one to save you, to change you for the better man I thought you could be.
never did I think that you could stop loving me or that one day you'd want to be set free.
I know what you must be thinking as you read this, your probably saying to yourself " it's easy just move on find yourself someone else to love". but it seems your all I can think of.
Sure it sounds so much easier than when it actually has to be done.
But you see I still till this day do not know what I did to make you unlove me.
I spend 20 years loving you, not everyone might agree but for me it's like I spent 7,300 days and 7,300 nights with you, which feels more like 14, 600 days and nights total give or take a few days and nights. That's so much of my time and energy I spent loving someone that never intended on reciprocating the love I gave them.
but as I sit here with tears in my eyes on our bathroom floor. I realize your love has already left our place.
Its anger and boredom that u give out in vibes. No matter how much I love you, you would fight even harder pushing me away. Your eyes are still the same beautiful eyes I fell in love with. Except they no longer sparkle when they looked into mine.
All I ever see in yours is anger, rage, hatred, and boredom. Sometimes I even catch a hint of disgust. which undeniably broke my heart into two. It shattered my world. 3/2/21 Stephanie H.
© Stephanie hernandez
I feel as if I'm being buried yet I'm still alive, blaming myself for my misery.
My heart almost feels like it has sustained and injury.
And then there are times where I feel as if I'm in torturous waters being carried away towards a water fall with no one around to help me.
I'm lost at sea, you don't seem to even notice me. Asking myself why do I continue to stay in a life where I feel so lonely yet you lay right beside me. I blame myself for they are mere consequences of my choices, How was I to know I'd end up here.
I was a fool to think our love would never die. but I never thought your love for me would die.
I have to come right out and say that this isn't my first. I saw the warning signs, I saw the red flags, I saw the red lights. I saw them all. I just wanted so much to be the one to save you, to change you for the better man I thought you could be.
never did I think that you could stop loving me or that one day you'd want to be set free.
I know what you must be thinking as you read this, your probably saying to yourself " it's easy just move on find yourself someone else to love". but it seems your all I can think of.
Sure it sounds so much easier than when it actually has to be done.
But you see I still till this day do not know what I did to make you unlove me.
I spend 20 years loving you, not everyone might agree but for me it's like I spent 7,300 days and 7,300 nights with you, which feels more like 14, 600 days and nights total give or take a few days and nights. That's so much of my time and energy I spent loving someone that never intended on reciprocating the love I gave them.
but as I sit here with tears in my eyes on our bathroom floor. I realize your love has already left our place.
Its anger and boredom that u give out in vibes. No matter how much I love you, you would fight even harder pushing me away. Your eyes are still the same beautiful eyes I fell in love with. Except they no longer sparkle when they looked into mine.
All I ever see in yours is anger, rage, hatred, and boredom. Sometimes I even catch a hint of disgust. which undeniably broke my heart into two. It shattered my world. 3/2/21 Stephanie H.
© Stephanie hernandez
