The silence is the most deadliest, you'd think the posion I inject in my viens could kill me faster than the sadness of silence. The echoes of your laugh now haunt this dark run down apartment i once called home. Once filled with toys like dinosaurs and monster high dolls, now replaced by dirty needles and disgarded trash from addicts. I stare at the smoke from my cigarette as it swirles up into the air. I sit motionless on the couch, my mind completely blank as I stare at the yellow smoke stained walls, my heart feeling heavy enough that it made it hard to breathe. As i slump my head down My eyes fill with tears and i think to myself

"she's gone forever."

then as i lay my head back on to the couch closing my eyes.

I suddly, I awoke...

I open my eyes and blink twice.

"I'm awake. Thank god. That was the scariest dream I could ever have."

Sighing in relief, as I see everything still in place like it should be. My whole
apartment, bright and beautiful as rays of sun light up my living room.

I see My 5 year old little girl standing on one foot with other foot resting on it. Monster high doll in one hand and a cup of gold fish in the other face glued to are 50" tv. Her little body swaying back and forth to the beat of music, her innocent voice singing the intro theme song of her favorite show. Admiring my love for her she then looks back at me with the biggest smile, two teeth missing and her beauty illuminating her little face.

"Shes perfect." I say

I take in the biggest breath of my life, and exhale like i never had ever breathed in clean air for a lifetime. Happiness filling in every void of emptyness I've held. I say outloud,

"I'm complete."

Then, disappearing like smoke in front of me. I feel my soul leaving my body, I blink and it all disappears into thin air and I am sit sitting in the same hell.

My once happy life gone, only to exsist in painful flash backs as i sit in the shambles of my run down apartment. My heart and lungs feeling like collapsing with the weight of sadness and gloom replacing my happiest moments in my once lived yet distant memories of my past.

"This is not a dream, I am in hell..." I say.

I am never going to ever be the same. boogie monsters do exsist, but instead they take shape of people dressed in business casual, holding clip boards, expressing that they are there for the sake of children.