Hello, my dear readers. I'm not used to being exposed to such a large audience and thus I'm somewhat nervous because of my normally dirty external appearance. My owner happens to be somewhat lazy when dealing with her bedroom and wardrobe glamorizating tasks.

I am only very well acquainted with my teenage owner's - sometimes very smelly and somewhat stinky - feet. But I'm always comforted by telling myself that they don't smell bad; they're just malodorous.

Wait, enough about me for now! Let me first introduce you to my glorious and impeccably flawless owner - sorry, I don't quite understand that "human grammar" thing very well!!

To begin with, she's 15, her name is Tartia (pronounced: TAR-Teeah) and her surname is Von Trapp...and yes...I know the connection to the Sound of Mysic family's surname! She has brownish silver blonde hair cut off at the...