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The Beginning of The End
"Oh, please call me Nicole."
He was quite hell bent on referring to me as Ms. James but I wouldn't have a word of it.
"Nicole"
The way my name rolls off his tongue sends shivers of delight down my spine. My name has never sounded so sexy until now. I chuckled to hide my flustered state and tucked in a fallen strand of my hair behind my ear.
Life is long when you live it, this I've heard a handful of times and it has taken root deep down in my soul, and derives immense pleasure from buzzing relentlessly in my ears.
John and I had been together for over a year now and it has been vibrant reds and happy yellows. He was my forever— or so I thought.
He's being distant a lot recently, I noticed. Could it be that he has gotten a hold of the report of my recent trip to the doctor's? I ensured that I kept it safely, away from a third eye. I decided to talk to him rather than blurting out the truth now. I just need some time to wrap my head around the whole thing.
I would tell John eventually. I told myself.
"Hey babe, anything the matter?" I asked him one cool evening while we sat at the balcony watching the sunset.
"Nothing love, why do you ask?"
"Well, maybe it's just me but I picked up on something."
He smiled, though it wasn't reaching his eyes and asked, "What could that be?"
"You've been distant."
He shot me a straight look and sighed deeply.
"Yeah, I guess I have. Sorry about that love."
"Wanna tell me what's it about?"
"Wanna know?" he retorted good-naturedly.
We both laughed while he sobered up and made a statement that chilled me to my bones.
***
"I'm sorry to inform you, Ms. James, but the infection has always been there ever since you were a child. It's raging now because it was left untreated. Moreover, it runs in the family, this you know."
"Is there nothing we can do, Doctor?" I pressed. There has to be something. I can't give up now. Especially not after what John told me.
"If there was, I'd have suggested it. I'm sorry once again ma'am."
"So how long do I have left?"
"A year max. 9 months if you stress and fail to use your medication religiously."
I sigh dejectedly and stood up. He offerred me his hand and I took it.
"Thank you, Doctor."
He sent me a simple nod and a rueful smile and went his way.
If I could, I would curse my family for putting me through all these. The deadliest disease in the world is coronary artery disease. CAD occurs when the blood vessels that supply blood to the heart become narrowed. Untreated CAD can lead to chest pain, heart failure, and irregular heartbeat.
Apparently, my own heart was failing and it's only a matter of time before it gives out completely.
***
I stared at the night sky littered with stars, trying to immerse myself in the simplicity of its beauty but it was so damn difficult. I burst into uncontrollable tears and wept for the failure that is me. I'd die alone, I know that for a fact. My grandparents and parents had suffered the same fate of this deadly disease and I had hoped it would pass me by.
Hope was a luxury I couldn't afford. Not anymore.
The tears kept pouring out and I thought about my life. Only two words come to mind.
Too short.
Suddenly, well not so suddenly, a sharp pain shot through my chest pulling me down until I'm on the floor of my room, clutching at my chest and groaning in pain. My meds are tucked away too— I didn't want John to see them, but now, I desperately wished they were on my bedside table.
I dragged myself to my wardrobe and brought out the portmanteau where my drugs were at. I remained on the floor until I felt slightly better and then picked myself up and flopped down on my bed. I slept off instantly. The medication had that effect.
***
I heard rustling around the room and thinking it was from my dream, I tossed and turned and continued my sleep until I was jerked awake by a very angry voice.
"What the hell is this, Nicole?" John boomed angrily, flinging the doctor's report around my face.
My poor heart skipped ten beats and I stuttered shamefully.
"I, I w-was going to tell you John, I swear."
"You were going to tell me, really?" He shouted.
"I was," I replied solemnly.
His shouting wasn't good for my heart but I couldn't dare tell him that.
"I should've told you sooner, I'm sorry."
"Of course you are." He sneered bitterly. "Remember when I told you about my mother who was sick and dying? And the torture her death put me through?" I told you I couldn't be with someone like that. I told you I wanted to marry you." He boomed.
I nodded my head, tears streaming down my face.
"You, you told me that it was nothing to worry about! You lied to me! You pretended all these while!" He thundered.
"God, Nicole!" There was a catch in his voice as he said this. I couldn't help but feel bad for him, yet I was the one dying. He threw a resigned glance my way, shook his head and left.
He left.
My forever left.
***
It's been 10 months since John left. Thinking about it now, I had no more tears left to cry. So far, not a word came from him and I had taught myself to live whatever life I had left to the fullest. Enough moping around what-could-have-beens. I've successfully written a book, The Beginning of The End, which is me.
Now, I'm seated at my computer, trying to get my errant thoughts and words in perfect synchronism and trying to finish up another book— which I'm rest assured would live longer years than me.
© EM
He was quite hell bent on referring to me as Ms. James but I wouldn't have a word of it.
"Nicole"
The way my name rolls off his tongue sends shivers of delight down my spine. My name has never sounded so sexy until now. I chuckled to hide my flustered state and tucked in a fallen strand of my hair behind my ear.
Life is long when you live it, this I've heard a handful of times and it has taken root deep down in my soul, and derives immense pleasure from buzzing relentlessly in my ears.
John and I had been together for over a year now and it has been vibrant reds and happy yellows. He was my forever— or so I thought.
He's being distant a lot recently, I noticed. Could it be that he has gotten a hold of the report of my recent trip to the doctor's? I ensured that I kept it safely, away from a third eye. I decided to talk to him rather than blurting out the truth now. I just need some time to wrap my head around the whole thing.
I would tell John eventually. I told myself.
"Hey babe, anything the matter?" I asked him one cool evening while we sat at the balcony watching the sunset.
"Nothing love, why do you ask?"
"Well, maybe it's just me but I picked up on something."
He smiled, though it wasn't reaching his eyes and asked, "What could that be?"
"You've been distant."
He shot me a straight look and sighed deeply.
"Yeah, I guess I have. Sorry about that love."
"Wanna tell me what's it about?"
"Wanna know?" he retorted good-naturedly.
We both laughed while he sobered up and made a statement that chilled me to my bones.
***
"I'm sorry to inform you, Ms. James, but the infection has always been there ever since you were a child. It's raging now because it was left untreated. Moreover, it runs in the family, this you know."
"Is there nothing we can do, Doctor?" I pressed. There has to be something. I can't give up now. Especially not after what John told me.
"If there was, I'd have suggested it. I'm sorry once again ma'am."
"So how long do I have left?"
"A year max. 9 months if you stress and fail to use your medication religiously."
I sigh dejectedly and stood up. He offerred me his hand and I took it.
"Thank you, Doctor."
He sent me a simple nod and a rueful smile and went his way.
If I could, I would curse my family for putting me through all these. The deadliest disease in the world is coronary artery disease. CAD occurs when the blood vessels that supply blood to the heart become narrowed. Untreated CAD can lead to chest pain, heart failure, and irregular heartbeat.
Apparently, my own heart was failing and it's only a matter of time before it gives out completely.
***
I stared at the night sky littered with stars, trying to immerse myself in the simplicity of its beauty but it was so damn difficult. I burst into uncontrollable tears and wept for the failure that is me. I'd die alone, I know that for a fact. My grandparents and parents had suffered the same fate of this deadly disease and I had hoped it would pass me by.
Hope was a luxury I couldn't afford. Not anymore.
The tears kept pouring out and I thought about my life. Only two words come to mind.
Too short.
Suddenly, well not so suddenly, a sharp pain shot through my chest pulling me down until I'm on the floor of my room, clutching at my chest and groaning in pain. My meds are tucked away too— I didn't want John to see them, but now, I desperately wished they were on my bedside table.
I dragged myself to my wardrobe and brought out the portmanteau where my drugs were at. I remained on the floor until I felt slightly better and then picked myself up and flopped down on my bed. I slept off instantly. The medication had that effect.
***
I heard rustling around the room and thinking it was from my dream, I tossed and turned and continued my sleep until I was jerked awake by a very angry voice.
"What the hell is this, Nicole?" John boomed angrily, flinging the doctor's report around my face.
My poor heart skipped ten beats and I stuttered shamefully.
"I, I w-was going to tell you John, I swear."
"You were going to tell me, really?" He shouted.
"I was," I replied solemnly.
His shouting wasn't good for my heart but I couldn't dare tell him that.
"I should've told you sooner, I'm sorry."
"Of course you are." He sneered bitterly. "Remember when I told you about my mother who was sick and dying? And the torture her death put me through?" I told you I couldn't be with someone like that. I told you I wanted to marry you." He boomed.
I nodded my head, tears streaming down my face.
"You, you told me that it was nothing to worry about! You lied to me! You pretended all these while!" He thundered.
"God, Nicole!" There was a catch in his voice as he said this. I couldn't help but feel bad for him, yet I was the one dying. He threw a resigned glance my way, shook his head and left.
He left.
My forever left.
***
It's been 10 months since John left. Thinking about it now, I had no more tears left to cry. So far, not a word came from him and I had taught myself to live whatever life I had left to the fullest. Enough moping around what-could-have-beens. I've successfully written a book, The Beginning of The End, which is me.
Now, I'm seated at my computer, trying to get my errant thoughts and words in perfect synchronism and trying to finish up another book— which I'm rest assured would live longer years than me.
© EM
