This past few days
I tried exuding some form of positivity
And as you can guess, I'm struggling in it.

I have noticed recently that I'm too
enshrouded with the mists of depression.
It's so bad that those that comes close
are getting overwhelmed.

So, for some change.
I wanted to be lively for once.
I sit up in my bed, all excited and giddy.
Tried coming up for reasons to be
hopeful for another day.

But as time passes by.
As if the great monster of misery
Got a gist of my plan,
tried submerging me
in the hellish process of overthinking.

Hence, as you can see.
Me, planning to be optimistic
for a better future.
Ended up with me
wishing to be dead
before it could come over.


However, I don't want to
give up just like that.
So I tell myself

"Hey, why not try living in the present?"

That too, failed miserably.
Because, currently, I don't
have anything to live for.

All I have in me is a mountain
of maybe's, what if's and regrets.
Thousands of skeletons on my closets;
Along with the clothings of grief ...