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Unknown Womanly Matter St. 1
Once I was out with my friends for picnic, there were my friends and their known ones.On our way into town, the group got split up and while the others went off to get something I was left with this one boy I hardly knew. He asked me to come and wait at his place until they met up with the others again. I thought he was being nice. At the time I had an injury so I had trouble walking so this was a good option.
We were alone in the house. He started off being nice, but at one point he went out and when he came back he had condoms. I was in shock – I had no idea this would happen. He then told me to get undressed and I said “what for?”. I felt completely powerless and scared. He was older and bigger than me and very assertive and dominating; he made me feel compelled to do what he said. I was worried that if I refused he might get aggressive and he could turn nasty. I really didn’t want to find out what would’ve happened if I didn’t do as he said. I felt completely taken advantage of.
Later, when we met up with the rest of the group, he just acted normal, like he had done nothing wrong. That was really difficult – it felt surreal. I kept quiet about it cos I was shocked and confused. I was worried what would happen if I spoke about it. I didn’t want my friends or the boys to think I was easy. I thought it was much more likely they’d listen to his version of what happened cos I felt powerless. I was worried if I might be pregnant too even though a condom was used.
There was a second incident that happened a while after this one that was similar. I was out with a large group of friends and got stuck talking to this boy a year older than me. He was really quite drunk. He started hugging and kissing me which I went along with and I as kind of OK. Everyone seemed to disappear around us and he led me into the trees behind us. He just kept taking me further and further. He started off being nice but also being persuasive. He kept on and on and pressured me for oral sex. He said no-one would find out. He gripped my arm and was squeezing my wrist. He said he wouldn’t let me go until I did it. I had no idea what he was capable of, especially since he was so drunk. Again I felt powerless, that my friends had disappeared, no-one to help me. I was in shock. And again, later when we met up with others in the group he acted as if nothing happened, nothing was wrong. He was kissing me and it felt weird.
What happened to me really, really knocked my confidence. The only person I could talk to about these experiences was my NSPCC counsellor. He was so understanding and supportive. He talked it through with me and helped me work through the shock of what happened. We talked about how I can feel less powerless and more safe. We worked on boosting my self esteem.
I think without his help I would have so much less confidence in myself. I’m so glad I had the NSPCC to talk to.
BASED ON TRUE STORY...
© nisha
We were alone in the house. He started off being nice, but at one point he went out and when he came back he had condoms. I was in shock – I had no idea this would happen. He then told me to get undressed and I said “what for?”. I felt completely powerless and scared. He was older and bigger than me and very assertive and dominating; he made me feel compelled to do what he said. I was worried that if I refused he might get aggressive and he could turn nasty. I really didn’t want to find out what would’ve happened if I didn’t do as he said. I felt completely taken advantage of.
Later, when we met up with the rest of the group, he just acted normal, like he had done nothing wrong. That was really difficult – it felt surreal. I kept quiet about it cos I was shocked and confused. I was worried what would happen if I spoke about it. I didn’t want my friends or the boys to think I was easy. I thought it was much more likely they’d listen to his version of what happened cos I felt powerless. I was worried if I might be pregnant too even though a condom was used.
There was a second incident that happened a while after this one that was similar. I was out with a large group of friends and got stuck talking to this boy a year older than me. He was really quite drunk. He started hugging and kissing me which I went along with and I as kind of OK. Everyone seemed to disappear around us and he led me into the trees behind us. He just kept taking me further and further. He started off being nice but also being persuasive. He kept on and on and pressured me for oral sex. He said no-one would find out. He gripped my arm and was squeezing my wrist. He said he wouldn’t let me go until I did it. I had no idea what he was capable of, especially since he was so drunk. Again I felt powerless, that my friends had disappeared, no-one to help me. I was in shock. And again, later when we met up with others in the group he acted as if nothing happened, nothing was wrong. He was kissing me and it felt weird.
What happened to me really, really knocked my confidence. The only person I could talk to about these experiences was my NSPCC counsellor. He was so understanding and supportive. He talked it through with me and helped me work through the shock of what happened. We talked about how I can feel less powerless and more safe. We worked on boosting my self esteem.
I think without his help I would have so much less confidence in myself. I’m so glad I had the NSPCC to talk to.
BASED ON TRUE STORY...
© nisha
