So, when I wrote A Philosopher's Challenge I knew I was going to not have enough room to write everything I would want to put into it, thus the result dissapoints me for that reason. It is a thought piece more than a story, the theme was what would happen if I had no friends or family and my ambitions failed due to historically accurate adversaries to my goals. Well, in some areas the story is overly negative where I would not wish it be while in other areas I know the spin placed on it is unrealistically positive where I would wish it to be realistically positive. What bothers me the most is the struggle to make such more realistic, and a sort of fear for what the outcome for such could look like. After writing that piece, my wife noted that my heart was pounding not faster, but somehow just harder and heavier, and I too felt her observation to be true. Very few people self reflect as much as I do. Luckily I am not sure that reading my story would have a negative impact on others in which until a bit ago was a concern of mine. While the old man is a broken down elderly version of myself without friends or family, the communications made by the boy I am aware were not madee to be too realistic, I was aware of this and it bothered me. I felt sick to my stomach and a bit depressed after writing that. Perhaps I will rewrite it some time in a two parter as to give myself more creative freedoms and room for accuracy. Also, that Epitaph raises too many questions and admitedly I got lazy there.... that too bothers me. Anyhow I took a nice long relaxing bath followed by a clensing shower and brushing my teeth and a little time spent with my family and I feel much better now, a good night's sleep may fix the rest of what remains.
© Lokeal Votaro