With season, I changed. With seasons, i learnt a new world of me. With
every new leaf to every dormant one, i learnt of my own age. With a different
weather in my surrounding, i found a new emotion of sadness, a new feeling
that resided onto my happiness and a new state to begin with.
As I looked out from the window of my room, i noticed that the rain hasn't
stopped yet. It wasn't pouring so angrily, instead the downpour seemed rather
fragile than yesterday. I could feel the cold breeze linger on my exposed body
and make me shiver in a way. As I felt the refreshing aura touch my face of
melancholy, i grinned softly as for somehow i - for the first time - didn't feel
uneasy while looking at the rain pour down, when I opened the window of my
room to see the outside World, I didn't get terrified by the view of Gaia, instead
i felt like a different glory all of a sudden.
I remember the day before today, i was was shattered into pieces of glass when
my lover forgot to remember me. It brought my world into pieces at the moment, I couldn't think less but only of my survival without him. I didn't cry
last night. But this noon, i cried
... as if i have become a traitor of my real world.
The thoughts of abandonment, the thoughts of being left behind still haunted
me to this day.
There were many unsure feelings kept inside. Thousand many useless reasons
that never made sense. Millions of butterflies follow me each day, making me
nervous more and more. I could sense an eerie scent from me.
A sudden tear left my eyes and turned me into a disaster.

As winter came, i became more reserved than ever. I hid behind every wall near
and i forgot to look at sun in a way that he would want me to. I forgot to look
after myself and destroyed the child in me in some months.
I waited for summer. As for I longed to be in his arms, be surrounded in his
aura, and smell that familiar almond scent of his. He reminded me of summer
always and i eagerly waited for the seasons to change all quickly and let the sun
eat the Gaia. Though i never and ever liked summer, I only admired the season
because it reminded me of my poet.
In the long awaited nights of monsoon, I wrote just like how I expected. My
letters described my melancholy very well, my words talked of her cries as if
they were made of those tears that she shed, and my pages were all dried up in
sorrow. As half of the month passed by, I bought two roses: one for enlightenment and one for abandonment.

Winters never left my sight.
It brought me happiness for sure, and somehow I also didn't want winter to
leave this beautiful place of mine.
For the first time after a century, i wished I had never loved him. I yearned for
the summer to never arrive.
As for I had known that I would change once again if I welcomed his arrival and
that would take away this new found feeling. I guess, i started to fear myself
more as the seasons withered each month.
I was petrified to see a more worsened self of mine.
I didn't want the seasons to change. I wanted this precious frost to stay with
me. I wanted to relive this wintery weather.

© aymenfazel