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"You won't say it's just nothing because, for me, it was everything."
~ Zoë Rebecca
My mommy would always say all the curse words to me before, when she was still alive a bunch of curse words every day of my life, every day was full of anxiety attacks I couldn't breathe when I was with her, she just watched me cried over her and she didn't comfort me for so many times, and every day was a turmoil in my head, and I've been traumatised by that living, I still remember when she first slap me September 21, 2020 at 5 pm, 8 days after my birthday, for a nonsense fight, I mentally loathed her every time.
She killed my inner child and now it's full of scars and can't be anymore mended, and now I'm afraid that trust and love again because of her, she was supposed to be my comfort, my mother but no she killed my whole life as a murderer, she supposed to be my shelter, my home but no she scarred me most than the living dead, she'd rather lull her 2 favourite children but we are 4 mom, we are FOUR, not just only two, I raised myself it's not you who raised me.
Most of the time, I pitied myself why do I let you hurt me? It was all my fault? Am I not enough? Am I that worthless? I even curse you on my mind because I don't want to hurt you the same way that you did for me because I'd rather inspire other people with my words rather than hurt them, I'm gentle with my words because I don't want to be like you mommy, it was been nice being your daughter you're perfect at it that I despise you so many times.
You took advantage of me so many times, you said that you don't want me as your daughter so why did you give birth to me? Blame yourself Mom, not me, you don't love me, you just love yourself, because you're so narcissistic, you're so good at blaming others for your safety, that's why my nannies didn't want to stay longer because of you, because of your bad and hell attitude, I keep on remembering these things that's why I'm afraid that I have hyperthymesia.
(Hyperthymesia means the uncommon ability that allows a person to spontaneously recall with great accuracy and detail a vast number of personal events or experiences and their associated dates.)
© XoXo
~ Zoë Rebecca
My mommy would always say all the curse words to me before, when she was still alive a bunch of curse words every day of my life, every day was full of anxiety attacks I couldn't breathe when I was with her, she just watched me cried over her and she didn't comfort me for so many times, and every day was a turmoil in my head, and I've been traumatised by that living, I still remember when she first slap me September 21, 2020 at 5 pm, 8 days after my birthday, for a nonsense fight, I mentally loathed her every time.
She killed my inner child and now it's full of scars and can't be anymore mended, and now I'm afraid that trust and love again because of her, she was supposed to be my comfort, my mother but no she killed my whole life as a murderer, she supposed to be my shelter, my home but no she scarred me most than the living dead, she'd rather lull her 2 favourite children but we are 4 mom, we are FOUR, not just only two, I raised myself it's not you who raised me.
Most of the time, I pitied myself why do I let you hurt me? It was all my fault? Am I not enough? Am I that worthless? I even curse you on my mind because I don't want to hurt you the same way that you did for me because I'd rather inspire other people with my words rather than hurt them, I'm gentle with my words because I don't want to be like you mommy, it was been nice being your daughter you're perfect at it that I despise you so many times.
You took advantage of me so many times, you said that you don't want me as your daughter so why did you give birth to me? Blame yourself Mom, not me, you don't love me, you just love yourself, because you're so narcissistic, you're so good at blaming others for your safety, that's why my nannies didn't want to stay longer because of you, because of your bad and hell attitude, I keep on remembering these things that's why I'm afraid that I have hyperthymesia.
(Hyperthymesia means the uncommon ability that allows a person to spontaneously recall with great accuracy and detail a vast number of personal events or experiences and their associated dates.)
© XoXo
