I think it's time, I think it's time for my goodbye, I have felt pressure in my life I have always thought about suicide but it's different when u get deeper in disguise,
that mask it weighs u down it takes over your soul it takes who you are, with no support anymore,
I ain't see shit to fight for,
cos as sad as it is humans find their confidence in others,
even if your like me ya typical
"don't give a fuck",
" run ya mouth"
rebellious kid,
you still have a part of you even
the tiniest bit inside you
that makes you question you EVERYTIME
someone don't like you,
like what's with me
what is it about me
why did I hear that this person ain't judgmental,
but I felt the most judged
at that point,
the main ones that tear you down are
the ones you choose
the ones you can't
and
the ones you have spent most of your time with
laughing and smiling
their opinions matter the most,
if they think your amazing
your on cloud 9
if they suddenly went from
I love you
your amazing
how did I get you
to
wait a minute
I got something to do,
your feral
I ain't even know why I'm with you ,
that shit changed overnight,
how that make you feel
how that effect ur mentality
did it make your confidence rise
cos your a battler ur always down for the fight,
or did it
make you weaker
cos your tired of fighting
you need some time off your feet, you need some reassurance,
you sick of proving what your worth,
like if people really cared
instead of rarely
shouldn't I see what they all say about this shit called love
is it not the only free thing on the planet,
is it not the one thing u can't buy
it's the one thing you can't plan
but at the same time,
is it not the best thing to let it go
and do what it do
cos cupid shot me with an arrow
ur name babii
it is engraved,
but when he shot mine at you,
I'm almost certain
he nearly missed
u only got grazed,
can barely see the scratch,
your lucky I guess,
I'm wearing the worst of this,
the worst of us,
your leaving
you can't take it,
all cos no one accepts you
but what you don't get is this clichè right here,
it ain't you it's me,
I am always gonna be the disappointment in my family
I don't think they ever want me in a relationship,
honestly,
not unless it's with whom they choose
and I ain't the type,
to do what I'm told,
I'm the type to literally do the opposite,
i don't get this life
I ain't understand a thing about this journey
I know I been a difficult
and wasn't always the nicest person,
but I never once thought sacrifice would be my best option,
the best option for the kids,
and him,
I can't forget about the fiancee, the boyfriend, the best friend, or is he the ex ,
well I ain't certain, today it's one thing the next it's another,
who knows anymore
I ain't know shit about my life
it's only here to be run
by others
I'm like a robot
but I ain't gunna live for ever
my energizers are running low,
they are running out
I fear I'm on the last straw,
im shaking right now
cos I feel it in me
if only u knew the half of it
u might even start
to try to understand
but we both know
u couldnt, actually,
possibly, really fully comprehend
or completely,
understand me
and the reasons behind
why I am,
who I am,
I ain't no saint no!
I never preached to be something I ain't,
I am a soldier,
I own who I am,
my rep is all I have ever had,
since my dreams where ripped out from under my feet at age 10
cos what I wanted
ain't matter to anybody
I was only there doing what others wanted me to do,
and I'm still here doing the same shit too,
but I have lost everyone,
and even worse
I've lost all I am,
i ain't got a fuckiin clue who that bich is in the mirror,
I hear it's my reflection,
but I ain't ever met her during the fuckiin process,
I don't know what to do,
I think it's my time,
I feel it and
when god calls you home,
U gotta go
now it's my turn
that's my name that's being called, that's my phone call home..
© sandiiRsalt