Name was Prasad. He was fifty-three and hadn’t aged a bit since forty. He had black hairs turning white near his ears and beardless face with a hint of moustache that spread over his upper lip. The cheekbones and jaws made his face look bigger. A wrinkle had grown on to his forehead, advertising wisdom on his otherwise young face.
But his life—the voyage, was far more attractive and adventurous than his body. From Kashmir to Manali, his life was full of challenges that checked his patience once in a while. He was married to a decent woman named Mary. She cared about him and their two children. Amir was seventeen, hopefully enter college this years and Tessa, well, was his favourite. She was thirteen and reason for his smile when he came home after crappy day at work. Although he had to work at a pharmaceutical company under Daniel who was gay and that bothered Prasad, he was living happily with his family in Manali.
Then, one Sunday morning, when he walked out of the house for the newspaper, he saw a brown envelope at his door steps. Out of curiosity, he opened it. It contained all the information about Mary and her past life that could put her in jail. He drew a gasp and ran back into the house. He opened the letter inside it and read.
If you don’t want to spent rest of your life in jail, do as I say.
Prasad entered the bedroom and locked himself inside. A past that he left behind came rushing back to him. He was seventeen, young and courageous like his father who served in army. Long time had passed since he fled from Kashmir with Mary. When he saw Mary for the first time, she was heading toward a café where few army officials including his father had just walked in., he had just said goodbye to his father and this café was across the road.
In glimpse of second, he saw that Mary, a little girl back then, had a suicide bomb on her chest, although he wasn’t sure of that. But it was in Kashmir, 1989, time of Islamic insurgent and many of Pandit families had left the state because of this. Prasad quickly ran toward her and he pulled her in nearby alley.
Her eyes gazed at him through hijab and time stopped, ticking of the bomb faded in the background. All he heard was her breath, as loud as her heartbeat that synced with his own heartbeat. He put his one hand on her mouth and holding her from behind, removed the upper shawl, opened the bomb jacket from chest her, and threw it on the main road just before it was about to explode.
Bomb was about to explode in thirteen second, enough time for them to run but his heart was beating like it was gonna explode, realising that he had made a mistake by through the bomb so close to the café. He cleaned her face of sweat and ran away with her, holding her hand. Mary didn’t resist.
They heard the bomb sound after a few second and suddenly stopped, looking over their shoulders. In hurry, Prasad had thrown the bomb too close to the café and once side of it had totally destroyed. He was about to ran toward his father but Mary grabbed his hand from behind. He looked back at her poor eyes; fear spread all over it.
He had two choices, either ran to check on his father or save the little girl, who was forced into this unethical act, from torture. Army’s heart didn’t work like common people as Prasad had seen in his father. They couldn’t be selfish like us and for the greater good, they would torture anyone who had done something terrible like this, even a child to get more information.
Living with his father, all he learnt was bravery. His father would say, ‘bravery is not fighting war or fighting your enemies or dying doing so without fear, its being ready to sacrifice for the greater good. So, a common person who sacrifice for greater good is no less brave than a solider fighting war for his country.’ Prasad made his choice. He gave up on his father to save an innocent soul.
He hid her in the basement. He fed her and took care of her for days. His seventeen years old heart had been already falling for her. The innocence that her eyes carried lightened the sorrow in his heart for loss of his father. Over the years, he had coped with life where he feared for safety for his father. He loved his father more than anything and he chose him over his mother when she left them for a teacher in local school. He stayed with him, because someone had too.
He had no grudges over his mother for leaving them. He learnt humility from both his parents, even in toughest of the moment. He still remembered their face when they attended a party, after they got the news about his maternal uncle, who died in a terrorist attack. Vikram, his father and Shakuntala, his mother, were the bravest person he knew. Now, it was his turn to be brave. If he could save one soul and bring her on right path, life would make sense.
A seventeen years old boy turned into a man, to save a girl’s life, who could had been just fourteen years old lump of meat, if it wasn’t for him, to choose her over his own father that day. Even though they couldn’t talk due to language barrier, he felt the satisfaction when he would offer her food. He knew his father would be proud of him. Although, it was hurtful that his mother didn’t even pick his call, even when Vikram was dead.
Midst of this, he prepared for his father’s funeral. He waited long before he burned the pyre for his mother but she didn’t appear. Late that night while he was packing for leaving Kashmir for good, someone knocked on his door. He gestured Mary to hide and opened the door. A woman on the door with a bouquet of flowers in her hand.
“Hi, I am…” her voice choked, “this is from your mother.” She handed him the flowers.
“I delayed funeral for two days for her and she couldn’t even come to say goodbye.” He yelled with heavy voice, hiding his tears.
“She couldn’t dare to meet you. She is living with me for last four years and there wasn’t a single day she didn’t mention you and Vikram.”
“What do you mean she have been living with you?” he asked, confused.
“I taught with her in the school.” The woman replied. Prasad didn’t know what to say. He knew what did that mean. He handed the flowers back and closed the door at her face, leaving her apologizing on behalf of his mother at the door, walked to Mary and seating down, he broke into tears. Mary, who was verbally mute like a pet, hugged him tightly.
He moved to Manali with Mary next day and never looked back at his past. A close friend of his father in army helped him forge a fake identity for Mary. He chose name Mary because it was safer than her original Muslim name that could catch suspicion. Together, filling each other’s void, they completed their education from Delhi university with pension money and finally got married. Life filled all sorrows and they were living happily with their children, until today.
“Breakfast is ready.” Mary knocked at the door. Prasad came out of flash back.
“I am coming.” He said wiping his tears. he hid the wet envelope in safe and read the letter further.
If you don’t want to spent rest of your life in jail, do as I say. If you don’t, we will release all of your Wife’s espionage to media from beginning to up until now, including her Afghan citizenship. CAA has already been passed in Lok Sabha in January and soon in Rajya Sabha. You know what will happen then? Mary will be sent to detention camp. Do you still think you won’t do what we need? Let’s make it even easier for you. What would happen to your daughter if you were in jail? Make a choice Mr Prasad. Either do as we say or doom your whole family’s future. It’s up to you. It will be all on you. Do as we say. Maybe next thing we say would be easier.
-Moonlight
Prasad couldn’t breathe. For the first time in the life he wasn’t sure what to do. How could he share this with his wife, who was the only one with him in sorrow and happiness, a perfect companion? She never made mistakes. She was always at her best behaviour. It was not like he never hit her or shouted at her once in a while but he learnt that it was all wrong, the hard way.
And, to be honest, he never enjoyed it. Rather he regretted hitting her when he woke up next mornings. He was unemployed and Mary, who carried Tessa in her womb really worked hard. Even in the toughest of moment when he lost it all, she stayed with him.
Above all, she blessed him with a gift of daughter, a precious one. Tessa, his daughter, was no less than an angel. She didn’t deserve a fate like Moonlight was threatening to set for her if he didn’t do as he say. But what? What do he have to do? Nothing was about what to do in the letter. Realising this Prasad took a relieved breath. Moonlight was a newbie and probably didn’t know his way. It made him dangerous and stupid at the same time. Still, irrespective of how this situation would land, someone knew about Mary’s past and that worried Prasad.
The subtle savour of cheesed parathas turned on his nostrils as he entered the kitchen where Mary had served the delicious parathas with curd just out of the fridge and fried potato dish that had found home on Tessa’s face, making her look like little hanuman with brown beard. Amir, still half awaken, had spread crumbs of everything on table like always. That remind Prasad how hard Mary worked to keep this kitchen like a temple. His shift at work started at ten and ended by five in the evening but Mary was never off duty.
He headed to work with a disturbing thought in his head. When he looked at Denial from his desk, he felt nothing, even the hatred toward him wasn’t enough to distract him. He could remember this perpetual anger toward homosexual ever since he found about his mother and school teacher. But not today. He never thought there would ever be such a worry that even his values would fade away. He had thought every possible he could come out of the situation, most of which were ethically and morally wrong, still he wasn’t convinced.
He carried the anger back home, hoping watching Tessa when she opened the door would make it go away. He rang the bell. No one answered. He rang the bell again with increasing tension over his face. Mary opened the gate this time. Without welcoming him, she turned back, talking someone over video call. It was weird. He was always Mary’s priority. Who could be so important the she wouldn’t even welcome him? He headed to kitchen after changing cloths; Mary was still on the phone. She hadn’t made the dinner yet. It was strange.
“Can you order something? I am talking my sister from back home.” Mary said from drawing room. Sister! Mary never told him about any sister. Whole day’s frustration had overwhelmed him and that led to doubt about Mary when she mentioned about her sister. Did he really know her or he was just a fool who was bringing up a terrorist in his home? he sat down on the kitchen table, all the memories rushing back to him when he doubted Mary. Even the slightest of the suspicions seemed like the truth he never saw. Thirty-five years he spent with her fell into abyss with a single doubt that had set its roots in his mind.
Mary went on talking over the phone for another hour. Food was getting cold. Amir had eaten and headed back to his room. It was the first time in the house that they didn’t eat dinner together. Lunch were mostly separate but they never missed dinner as a family, had it always together until today. His appetite was lost by the time Mary hung up the phone. Although Mary told him everything after that, Prasad had changed. He had lost trust, which was built over thirty-five long years.
They had fought ups and downs together but Prasad felt alone this time, struggling to make anything out of the letter in the envelope he got this morning. Though he was sure of one thing. If Mary kept talking to her so-called sister, it would make the situation worse. She would provide even more proofs then Moonlight already had. But he couldn’t tell her about the envelope. What if she was actually the person moonlight had said in the letter? He couldn’t take risk. Once again, a turning point came in Prasad’s life, again regarding Mary, when she refused to stop talking with her sister.
What followed was something Prasad never imagined. He started shouting and batting her regularly. He was a changed man, less of a man in fact. It was good when Tessa calmed him down over various occasions but she wasn’t always around. he watched Amir descending far and far from him, for he saw him fighting with Mary every once in a while, and one day Amir poisoned him.
Prasad survived because of immediate medical help but it broke him. Once again, he had no one in his life. With weight of responsibilities over his shoulder, he was lost between holding grip over his family along with providing for them and fighting invisible demon that brought back his past trapping him in the forced seclusion. He had fought bigger demons but this time his family wasn’t with him.
He never heard from moonlight again and started to fear less about the exposure of Mary and his past but then came the last stroke that broke him completely. He got suspension letter of from Tessa’s school, for she had kissed a girl in school bathroom. When he saw the tape, that last thread broke, which had kept him on the edge of darkness. The only person, whom he still trusted despite everything he was going through, had broken his trust. It was over for him; he was all dark now.
Those were just fine days when his daughter would listen him and would do whatever he would plan for her. But no, it was not that simple now. It didn’t even feel him right when government legalized the homosexual relationships back in 2018, but he never thought it would corrode his family. Ever since he found out about his mother and that school teacher, he hated homosexuals.
After he found out that his lovely thirteen years old daughter kissed a girl in the school, he wanted to spend a few days alone at his home, away from any possible abomination. But it was Daniel’s anniversary just three days later on 30 December. Making him upset was the last thing he wanted to do. Afterall, working for him provided for his family.
If he could help it, he would have never brought her to an office party but Daniel was a dick. ‘Prasad, bring your family to the party—he mimicked his boss Daniel who had dick head and a potato face according to him. Now, he hated even more to face Daniel. He wanted to slap his boss’s face when he would kiss to that little piece of shit, ‘his life partner’.
Apparently, his boss Daniel had been with Shayam for a year now. It was not that he hated them lesser other days but since he heard from Tessa’s school, he was more hateful toward them. He was looking at his boss with his full of anger eyes when his wife Mary walked to his boss Daniel at the party. Her words were still echoing in his ears.
“We are happy to see you together. You set an example. It might be little but it is an important victory for your community. I wish you a life.” Mary said so happily knowing that her daughter had done abomination there in the school washroom.
He wondered if she did even have a problem with her daughter’s sexual orientation. She didn’t even say a word to her daughter. There were times when he had to take hard ways to make Mary understand things. He didn’t want to hit his wife again but sometimes, it seemed like it was the only way.
The hate for these homosexual people was bursting inside him every second he spent in front of Daniel at the party. He would have slapped Mary in front of every one if phone ring wouldn’t have interrupted. Tessa ran from house.
Prasad drove back home like wind. He didn’t talk to Mary though he could she her worryingly breaking down into tears. He stopped the car in front of the house. Mary ran into the house leaving him in the car. He walked to the house gate wondering how much worse this night could get. He stopped at the stairs; there was blood on them. He, with his irritatingly shocked face, looked where blood stains were heading.
“Tessa,” he ran to the body laid under the deodar tree. The very second, he laid eyes on her, he forgot about everything and all he could think about was the day he got her back three months after he left her in a dustbin the day she was born. She was his precious life. Her smile would make him happy when he would come home back after a crappy day at office with Daniel and his always horny partner Shayam.
“Mary! Come here.” He picked up Tessa and walked into the house with his whimpering face and trembling legs. He laid her down the sofa carefully in the living room. Now blood was visible and he had some worst ideas running in his mind about what could have happened. He looked at the statue-d Mary who was dead blank—just standing there in front of her ripped apart daughter.
Mary’s raspy breathing was the only thing heard in the house. Prasad silently sat on the chair; for a second, he wanted to die just there and never to know what would happen next. He didn’t even look back at his daughter. He was just repeatedly saying in his fainted voice, “It is on you. It’s all because of you. You didn’t take care of my daughter. Now she is dead. My daughter is dead.”
Prasad was always afraid of raising a daughter in this world but when he came home leaving his infant daughter in hospital dustbin, he felt guilty. Raising Andrew wasn’t that easy either but Tessa was his world. On an unexpected day, after three months he left his infant daughter, Rosie came with this little baby. His world turned around forever. He got his daughter back. Ever since then, all he could think of was her safety and her needs. He stopped drinking and got a job at Daniel’s office no matter how much he hated him.
But these last three days were enough to change him forever. His mind was cooking a weird thought that had its roots growing inside him ever since he saw the tape. Now, it was blooming red through his eyes and he was full of agony. Rosie once told him that she used to bath together with her mates in hostel. Tessa couldn’t be his blood. She must be Rosie’s daughter.
Somehow, after long distracting path in which he yelled at Mary and refused to consider Tessa as his daughter, he finally found himself in the hospital before end of the night. Sitting beside Tessa in the hospital, with all the medical equipment attached to her body, his anger had once again shifted.
Prasad wanted to know who did this to his daughter. He thought of the worst ways he could kill the person responsible. Doctors told him that she fought back. He looked at Rosie once in a while, the women he hated just hours ago. If it wasn’t for Rosie, Tessa would have never learnt self-defence.
The scars on Tessa’s body set lose all the adrenaline in his body that his body shivered and veins were about to burst. Still he stared at Tessa hoping she would move but she was dead still. The silence lurked in the hospital room. He could feel the pain even in nurse’s eyes. Manali, the city he felt safe in for years, seemed haunted now as if every person lurking in the hallway was coming to hurt his beloved daughter, the man who sat on the chair pretending to read newspaper, the janitor who looked intensely at Tessa from the window or the doctor who flirted with Rosie.
Prasad submerged into darkness as the sun rose glittering everything in its way. Now that alcohol was out of his body, he grieved out loud in Rosie’s lap, tears in both their eyes. Tessa had no serious or life taking physical injuries but whatever happened last night tormented her so much that she was in coma ever since they brought her to the hospital. Both of them had a close connection with Tessa. The heated argument they had last night now followed by a deep conversation. Tears faded as they talked about the happy times they had spent with Tessa.
to be continued...
© the forbidden child