"What's wrong?" Manny asked immediately he noticed the change of expression.
"I think I really need to talk to someone even if it would be for the last time. I don't want to be a broken soul again 😔." I explained my feelings at that moment.
"Who said you can't talk to me? You know I am always here for you." This time with a frown, looking all concerned, worried and maybe fearful.
"I'm sorry, I really want to but your replies won't let me to. I always try to further our conversation but the easiest thing you say is OKAY. Even in symbols. It hurts and it makes me feel you don't care." I was frowning this time, all emotional.
"I'm here now, speak it out. Who caused you harm and what's wrong?" Manny held my hands and squeezed.
Tears dropped. "I seem worse. I know nothing and even understands nothing. My past haunts me, I see them. I was molested twice and it makes me seem stupid. My emotions are traumatized. l'm dismantled, broken, and sorrowful." Tears were rushing now 😭. "In terms of academics, I seem to know nothing. I mean absolutely nothing. Whenever I try stuffs and they seem to work out and am being praised, all I feel in me is mockery. I feel like am being mocked, I feel inferior again. I might smile at that moment but it's all a lie. True, I don't have a solid foundation of which affected and is still affecting me. But its depressing when you are being asked a question and you can't answer. People might think am being nonchalant not knowing I really want to know it but am not just finding myself knowing it." I was crying now.
Manny did nothing but squeezed my hands and listened attentively "I miss the happy me. But that's if I was ever happy. Am broken, I wanna grow Manny" my eyes were swollen now, I hid my head in shame.
"Let go of the past. You can't go back but you can start building again. Love yourself and believe in yourself. Also call out to the maker." That was all Manny said as he embraced and consoled me.
Those words helped..