It happens when you have been so strong from so much time that when you are actually down and out , no one reaches out becoz everyone expects you to come out like that flip of finger everytime.... Expectations are good... they made me what i am... trying to fulfill them on each and every level , I was not raised up i was put into the basket of expectations and planted among those seeds where i had to deliver fruits one after the other and even when i went out of stock i still couldn't say no to anyone asking for them....My whole life turned to be this nice guy kind of thing until i finally fell in love with a person.... Which i never knew would happen... Perhaps stupid brain fade or anything i do not know but that made me open the walls of my shell to someone , perhaps who treated me differently and whether it was all for selfishess deeds or what so , but it actually felt good... it was never a relationship or even friendship but jusa casual communication who made my soul a little happy for a little bit.... It turned out to be same....walls of empty shell were broken , shell was destryoed and made out to be a hiding tent for me.... Why was i asking at every breath ,yelling and no one answered... no one.... Apart from me and guess what i dif not utter a word even then...
....
I tried so many ways to be different , tried to move on not from a person , not from anything but from me... Myself , I started to hate myself and felt my powers were gone...i tallked to so many , chatted what they asked i replied just to pass those dark times ....Meanwhile focusing on my studies my best buddies , my study which has given me everything until now , Never betrayed me , Never at any point and i had to be with them , for their sake for my parents , for their expectations and yet through so much for me....
It wasn't like i had never seen traumas or so but for the first time i gasped for fresh air , felt choking and death all at one time..
Then there was that face... it was amidst all this when that face who had went away came back... probably God knew my only means of living now is her.... She wasn't her usual self and lot had changed but the soul inside her was still same...

Expectations and pressures do bring out the best out of me , they do , i like them but at times even coal can crumble into pieces under pressure rather than turning into diamond..... I do not have to be any diamond for myself but i at least have to be a simple light bulb for all those who wait for me in their darkness....
It is me who made me a comeback possible and it will always be me who will make it happen...
There is a clear line in my head where i do know who i want or not.... She is already a princess but i am trying every day to make her theQueen... She does not know how much she means to me and how much she is to this common ordinary boy.... Nothing makes this boy happy then her ....
She is there apart from my mom obviously and she will always remain...
At point of times where darkness spread everyewhere , the thought of not changing myself and remaining who i am turned out to be the reason where i stand today...
Life is a race and yes people will leave you behind but staying behind is actually not that bad too... it helps to analyse the defects and repair them on time...
My greatest lesson is me myself ..... and my greatest competition is me too.... Every day if earn my respect too it will do wonders...
I may have made many sad , angry or even other stuff but i never lied , cheated or fake promised anything to anyone and that is what i am proud of...
I breathe out love ,humility and respect and at the same time taking stand for myself and creating a boundary for my self created shell....
.... Life is gonnal be good !!!!
© sumitnaseem