His name was Shawn and he was really smooth. He had the girls and he had the guys and yet he wanted me. I remember when we were kids and we used to sneak around and kiss each other. This was at a time when being gay wasn't allowed and it was also was seen as taboo. Shawn was a great kisser and he always made sure that he had every part of me. We used to workout together, hangout together and do so much together and yet our friends never knew that we were a couple. My parents back then were religious and they would've disowned me had they found out that Shawn and I were dating and so I would always go to Shawn's house. His parents were always accepting of our relationship and they welcomed me with opened arms. I first met Shawn when we were in daycare together. We ended up going to the same elementary, junior high, high school and college together. I never knew why, but it seemed as if we were destined to be together. But deep down inside, I was battling with my faith and my sexuality and I remember the times I was bullied for being gay. Shawn used to play football, basketball, baseball, soccer, trained in boxing, judo, jiu-jitsu and even mixed martial arts and yet still had time for me. When we were together, nothing else mattered. I was his and he was mine and he allowed me to dominate him in the bedroom. He allowed me to top him and he was willing to bottom for me. Shawn saw me at my best and he saw me at my worst and still stayed by my side. When we were in school, Shawn never once hid his sexuality, but he stoo tall in his masculinity and he was always an alpha male. There were times when he and I would breakup and yet we would get back together. We had plans of getting married, starting a family and even had talks of starting a business together. He was the first boy I ever kissed and the last boy I've ever been with. It was after we graduated college and were out in the real world and I started doing some soul searching and I realized that I had a lot of growing up to do. My whole life at the point was revolved around Shawn and I didn't know about life experiences. Shawn and I grew together and experienced life together and when I saw him growing with me, I knew I had to be with him forever. But our lives forever changed when Shawn didn't answer my phone calls one day. It was a Monday night and we both had plans to have dinner that night. I remember panicking when he didn't answer my calls. My heart kept racing and I knew something was seriously wrong. It was a few days later when a friend of mine told me that Shawn was found lifeless in his car. My heart was breaking and my soul was shaking, but I rushed over to his place and I walked over to his car and I saw his lifeless body. I saw blood pouring out of his body and he wasn't moving. I called 911 and told them what happened and Shawn was pronounced dead later that day. Shawn was the love of my life and I just couldn't believe he was gone. He promised me that he wouldn't leave me. I just was a wreck at his funeral and at the burial. Ever since then, I haven't been in a meaningful relationship. I've dated other guys since Shawn and none of them had the same magic Shawn had. Shawn and I literally were meant to be together. I just found out that his death was a homicide and he was killed by a friend of his, who wanted some money. When Shawn died, I died! His parents and I are still close and we started an organization in Shawn's honor that helps LGBTQ+ kids and teenagers. I miss Shawn dearly and I would do anything just hold him and kiss him and to have one more day with him.




© Josiah Bhola Hillaire