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Struggling To Be A Better Man
S.T.B.A.B.M-Part-2
And he started to fall apart all over again. It was time for him to talk to his 2-year-old son De'von,he knew that he didn't know what was going on. Shit, no one did. All he could say "is he wished,he was a better father, and he wanted him to be a better man than he was". He told De'von that he loved him and missed him and will be home soon.
Tonya, retrieved the phone,and again asked him," what can she do"? He said," he needed to find a lawyer that specialize in illegal arms dealing and drug trafficking. Cause that's what he was arrested for.
Kendrick, really didn't know specifically, what he was charged with. But he knew it was something like that. Overhearing conversations while he was getting booked and fingerprinted detectives and DOJ members talking about the amount of drugs that were found, and the firearms that were retrieved. Tonya repeatedly said,she loved him, and that everything was going to be okay. She'd repeatedly reassured him throughout the telephone conversation. But Kendrick was lost, and exhausted because of the days of events. Kendrick was ready to go lay down and rest. So he told Tonya he loved her and will talk to her tomorrow. She said she loved him too unconditionally and again reassured him that everything would be okay.
Kendrick went to his cell and as he was making his bed,he began to contemplate the last 48 hrs of his life. Everything seemed to flash back at him, pushing him deeper and deeper into his thoughts. Finally, he had a chance to lay down and try to relax. He laid there looking up at the ceiling in his cell adrift. And then he out of nowhere began to pray. He hadn't done that in a long time. He had picked up a few good vices from his parents. They were religious people, but the life they lived made it hard for them to make it more than practicing religion. He hadn't thought about them for awhile neither all this had made his emotionally go wild. Kendrick just began to pray.
"Father God,forgive me for my wrongs, for the things I've done to bring me to this place. The destruction. The selfish deeds. The greed. I need you to watch over my family, while I take this walk. While I face these challenges. Surround me with your wise's Angels and see the best in me. We haven't talked in a long time. He had been in the streets on the grind, doing the devil's work, living a life of crime. And I know I was wrong, and I will be better. So I asked that you keep your hand over my family, bring me to peace with all my enemies, and let me start to live this life the way you deem necessary. I beg for mercy. I beg for understanding. I'll beg for forgiveness. For my known and unknown sins. I apologize for not hearing while you spoke to me. I'm here now and I'm asking for a chance, for a new beginning, and a relationship with you. Lord, if I should die before I wake,please have my soul to take. Amen!!
The conversation seemed so refreshing to him while he was talking to God. But he knew that there was no time to put all in front of him on religion. That was out. It ain't no time for self-pity, or despair. He had to establish his strength and find a damn good lawyer. It's 10 toes to the floor when you're trying to climb up out of those trenches.
Kendrick didn't even know it was morning,he had fallen asleep. He was jarred awake, by a sheriff voice shutting out that it was "Chow time"and that if you're eating get up and get in line." He had just spent his first night in the Santa Rita county jail and didn't even notice it.
November 17,2004.
It was time to get up and get to the phone. Make some calls. Off top call, Tonya and see about getting up out of here. Pushing for bail. Shit,something. It's time to battle.
Kendrick,called Tonya when she picked up, he immediately said,good morning My love and how are you doing? She said, fine,good morning and I'm worried about you. Kendrick, reassured her that he was ok,and he could hear the kids in the background. So he asked,"how are the kids doing? Tonya expressed that De'von was still having toothaches. But he was doing fine, as was their daughter. Tanya called Ericka to phone. Kendrick's Babygirl said,"Good morning Daddy" so cheerful that it put a smile on his heart and face. "Good morning Babygirl," he responded. Give the phone to your lil brother. De'von,took the phone from his big sister and yelled into the receiver, "Good morning Daddy," and then he started rambling baby talk. "Good morning,son Kenderick, responded. Then he heard his kids start to wrestle each other for the phone. It made him smile. After a couple seconds of chaos, Tonya retrieved the phone,and it had accidentally got switched to speaker. And he could hear them both his kids screaming in unison, "good morning Daddy,I love u,"and miss u." Kendrick spoke back with so much emotion," I love and miss you both to soooo much,be good for Mommie. Then Tonya and Kendrick, got down to business. The conversation switched to since he's been locked up that they...
And he started to fall apart all over again. It was time for him to talk to his 2-year-old son De'von,he knew that he didn't know what was going on. Shit, no one did. All he could say "is he wished,he was a better father, and he wanted him to be a better man than he was". He told De'von that he loved him and missed him and will be home soon.
Tonya, retrieved the phone,and again asked him," what can she do"? He said," he needed to find a lawyer that specialize in illegal arms dealing and drug trafficking. Cause that's what he was arrested for.
Kendrick, really didn't know specifically, what he was charged with. But he knew it was something like that. Overhearing conversations while he was getting booked and fingerprinted detectives and DOJ members talking about the amount of drugs that were found, and the firearms that were retrieved. Tonya repeatedly said,she loved him, and that everything was going to be okay. She'd repeatedly reassured him throughout the telephone conversation. But Kendrick was lost, and exhausted because of the days of events. Kendrick was ready to go lay down and rest. So he told Tonya he loved her and will talk to her tomorrow. She said she loved him too unconditionally and again reassured him that everything would be okay.
Kendrick went to his cell and as he was making his bed,he began to contemplate the last 48 hrs of his life. Everything seemed to flash back at him, pushing him deeper and deeper into his thoughts. Finally, he had a chance to lay down and try to relax. He laid there looking up at the ceiling in his cell adrift. And then he out of nowhere began to pray. He hadn't done that in a long time. He had picked up a few good vices from his parents. They were religious people, but the life they lived made it hard for them to make it more than practicing religion. He hadn't thought about them for awhile neither all this had made his emotionally go wild. Kendrick just began to pray.
"Father God,forgive me for my wrongs, for the things I've done to bring me to this place. The destruction. The selfish deeds. The greed. I need you to watch over my family, while I take this walk. While I face these challenges. Surround me with your wise's Angels and see the best in me. We haven't talked in a long time. He had been in the streets on the grind, doing the devil's work, living a life of crime. And I know I was wrong, and I will be better. So I asked that you keep your hand over my family, bring me to peace with all my enemies, and let me start to live this life the way you deem necessary. I beg for mercy. I beg for understanding. I'll beg for forgiveness. For my known and unknown sins. I apologize for not hearing while you spoke to me. I'm here now and I'm asking for a chance, for a new beginning, and a relationship with you. Lord, if I should die before I wake,please have my soul to take. Amen!!
The conversation seemed so refreshing to him while he was talking to God. But he knew that there was no time to put all in front of him on religion. That was out. It ain't no time for self-pity, or despair. He had to establish his strength and find a damn good lawyer. It's 10 toes to the floor when you're trying to climb up out of those trenches.
Kendrick didn't even know it was morning,he had fallen asleep. He was jarred awake, by a sheriff voice shutting out that it was "Chow time"and that if you're eating get up and get in line." He had just spent his first night in the Santa Rita county jail and didn't even notice it.
November 17,2004.
It was time to get up and get to the phone. Make some calls. Off top call, Tonya and see about getting up out of here. Pushing for bail. Shit,something. It's time to battle.
Kendrick,called Tonya when she picked up, he immediately said,good morning My love and how are you doing? She said, fine,good morning and I'm worried about you. Kendrick, reassured her that he was ok,and he could hear the kids in the background. So he asked,"how are the kids doing? Tonya expressed that De'von was still having toothaches. But he was doing fine, as was their daughter. Tanya called Ericka to phone. Kendrick's Babygirl said,"Good morning Daddy" so cheerful that it put a smile on his heart and face. "Good morning Babygirl," he responded. Give the phone to your lil brother. De'von,took the phone from his big sister and yelled into the receiver, "Good morning Daddy," and then he started rambling baby talk. "Good morning,son Kenderick, responded. Then he heard his kids start to wrestle each other for the phone. It made him smile. After a couple seconds of chaos, Tonya retrieved the phone,and it had accidentally got switched to speaker. And he could hear them both his kids screaming in unison, "good morning Daddy,I love u,"and miss u." Kendrick spoke back with so much emotion," I love and miss you both to soooo much,be good for Mommie. Then Tonya and Kendrick, got down to business. The conversation switched to since he's been locked up that they...
