He briefly wrestled with the wrapper of the apple flavored whole-grain bar. He noted that the leading edge of the wapper was jagged and roughly cut to facilitate opening but somehow didn't seem to be able to get it to succomb to his strength. He remembered the time whenever that hadn't been the case, packaging had been smooth along the edges and nearly impossible to get open or just fell open. Heat sealing was a new idea in those days. They didn't even seal medicine when he was a kid. He dropped the green bar back in the tray with the others and grabbed the bread instead. A sandwich at midnight wasn't wierd when no one was there to tell you it was and he had never had a schedule when it came to eating or writing anyway.

Some days he just felt old, some days he felt dead, other days he felt alive due to the pain but the real challenge these days was he couldn't tell any of the days apart anymore. Once one lost the inherent fear of death that was the game that came from looking forward to each new day everything just seemed a bit gray. Animals didn't fear death because they didn't hold a concept of time outside of the ongoing cycle of the sun.

He heard the *tik tok* of the polished stone medalion he had hung over the cross flopping against the door to the room he currently occupied. He hought of the days he would have had weapon at the ready, assuming it was either the loudly claimed dealers of illicit substances next door, the other occupants that often ended up literally fighting them in the streets or someone else who had simply been wronged by him doing right. There was never a shortage of wrong in the world, one could just take their pick of which they wanted to remove them but rarely got the chance to return the favor and because of that the balance was shifting.

The short and long of it all was that he didn't really care anymore, but tonight it was the wind that moved the smooth stone against the door. Over the tapping he heard various strength explosions mixed with the ground shaking rumble of thunder outside. There had been a time whenever he might have been out celebrating with them as well, ringing in a new year as if there was going to be some grand shift of inclinations, enjoying libatons to inebriation. In truth the years didn't seem to matter so much anymore and the days had become little more than waiting for another problem to deal with when the sun came up or went down, his usual marking of time. Much like many days of his life, the current ones had consisted of days or empty waiting that were interrupted by moments of sheer terror and panic that resulted in a situation that if he didn't react in time he would find himself dead or in a cage. His own saftey had never bothered him much but he didn't like it whenever he tried to visit itself up on others but the thing that bothered him more than anything else these days was that he seemed to have lost his inherent compassion on that point. Time had done something to him that even he seemed powerless to remove and deep inside it broke his heart. His mind turned to his bonsai as he dropped a piece of bread on the floor for the orange tabby. He was still him, he still had love and light but he didn't know if there was anything better out there anymore instead feeling the only good he felt when he lived in his books and tended his plants. The cat would make a meal of him if he didn't make the cat a meal and in that he felt a certain comfort. In a world where most people were predators posing as housepets he found more truth in the scriptures and the animals than the eyes of anyone he met. There was a time not long ago that he still made eye contact with people but the disapointment was something it seemed none of them could deal with so he had donned his mask and shades and simply tried to live through the day.

The orange tabby jumped up on the arm of his couch, wide eyed and paniced at the fireworks outside. He was fairly certain quite a bit of it was actual gunfire which was the norm for his location.

"It's dangerous to go alone..." He got up and walked to the kitchen, pouring a bowl of food next to the half eaten bread. "..take this break." and with that she dove in as he absently heard one of the locals painfully loud vehicles pass, no doubt leaving the party from the sounds of the off-time shifting or lack thereof.

"In a lost world gone mad one can be as evil as they wish without fear but if you visit kindness, even on an animal, make certain not to do it in public view." He recalled the words of wisdom he saw played out in an assault on a person simply trying to pet a stray one day.

*tap*tap*tap* came the rapping at his chamber door, 'tis just the stone on the cross, only this and nothing more..' he thought. Then he got up to see if it might be the spotted white dog the neighbor's kids had been feeding looking for a cover in the rain.

He missed his dogs. He thought he might try some keening later if he could muster the strength.