POV: Kelsey

I hesitated at the door as Mike held it open, not wanting to cut in front of him. "He's so nice," I thought as he motioned for me to go forward. I slipped through the door and scanned my badge, clocking in for the day. I walked in and headed to the back for my start up meeting, grabbing my work essentials on the way. Mike walked up behind me.

"Hey, I was thinking about coming over after work and playing some games tonight, maybe drink a few beers," he said. "Sure!," I replied a little too enthusiastically. "Let me just call Zeke on lunch to make sure, he doesn't really like surprises." The meeting commenced while I slipped off into deep thought.

Little did Mike know, Zeke had been extremely territorial and bossy lately. Even when he wasn't around. Ever since that night 6 months ago, he had been making sarcastic "jokes" and jealous comments. Not to mention the morning after our honest collaboration. As I went to the bathroom, I heard him play a song by Nickelback called Girlfriend. When I came back out, Zeke seemed angry and Mike was gone. I couldn't help but wonder if he left because he felt unwelcome, and it bothered me.

Sometimes I wanted to say something to Mike, but I was worried it would affect both their and our friendship or that he would quit coming around. As selfish as it was, I really enjoy his company. Things are better when he comes around, more relaxed. Besides, we all have so much fun together! Although at times, you can definitely feel the tension.

It wasn't the sort of stress I couldn't handle. I'd been through the jealousy game with my ex husband before, even cut off close friendships for him. I promised myself I would never pick a man over a friendship again. The right man would love me and want my happiness, not make me sacrifice it for their own ego.

Memories flashed through my mind as I thought about some of the times Zeke made things weird. There was that night he talked about our sex life to Mike, with me right there. Sex is just sex, but it was almost like he was trying to point out that I was his and also see how Mike would react to what he was saying. On top of that, it felt listening to the testosterone battle between the two.

They were comparing sizes, and talking about how good I was at oral sex. Zeke kept saying we have sex all of the time, bragging how great it is. I get it, it's a guy thing. I wasn't about to bust Zeke's bubble by calling him out on some of the lies he was telling, so I just went with it and acted like it was okay. Especially since he pointed out that I shouldn't be uncomfortable talking about it since I was with him. Talk about calling me out on my shit...The bad thing is, at the time I didn't understand why it made me uncomfortable. With anybody else, it wouldn't have bothered me at all.

Then there was the time that Zeke had me turn around to ask Mike how my butt looked in my jeans. That was so uncomfortable for me! Who asks their best friend how their girl's butt looks? Sure, my butt is pretty nice if I do say so myself, but still... Mike definitely handled that one with grace. I smiled as I remembered his comment. "It looks like a pair of jeans," he said. I remember being somewhat disappointed, kind of wanting him to say something else. That wasn't who Mike was though, and it was wrong of me to think that way. "He is our best friend! Get it together!," I mentally scolded myself.

One of the things that really bothers me, though? Any time I tell Zeke I'm talking to Mike, unless he tells me to message him, he calls him my boyfriend. He even made it a habit to say that any time someone messages me, now. I could almost hear his voice. "You're always messaging him." "Who are you talking to, your boyfriend?" At first I thought he was joking, until one day he told me he was starting to get jealous. I remembered laughing.

"Really, babe?," I asked as I laughed. "Yes, really!," Zeke said. I remember feeling ashamed, hurt, and angry all at the same time. It wouldn't bother me so much if I was actually messaging him all of the time. Most of the time I messaged Mike, it was for Zeke or to talk about music which Zeke said was okay with him seeing as he knows how important it is to me. Besides, what is he going to do if I ever get signed or have to work with other men in the future? "And I thought I had finally broken free of being controlled," I thought to myself, frustrated.

I shrugged off the thought, smiling at Mike. "I hope you have a really great day!," I said as I walked to my work area. I looked back and watched him walk away, biting my lip and willing some self control.

I just didn't understand. Yes, maybe I was having thoughts and dreams and feelings; but it wasn't like I ever acted on them. Even when it took every ounce of self restraint I had sometimes, I always tried my best to be a good friend to Mike and a good girlfriend to Zeke. I tried to steer clear of inappropriate topics. I tried not to dress revealing when he was around.

Hell, I barely even wore makeup anymore just so Zeke wouldn't think I was dressing up for someone else. Yes, he commented about it nearly every time now. I mentally rolled my eyes at the thought. As if anyone would even want me? Anytime Zeke got uncomfortable, I would reassure him by not only giving him my undivided attention but even making myself scarce at times when Mike came around so he wouldn't think I was too interested or invested.

What more was I supposed to do? I couldn't help the way I felt, I tried to fight it so hard... but the closer I got to Mike and the further I got from Zeke the harder it became. Not for a lack of trying, of course...

The thing is, Zeke has been slowly changing. He has been becoming more and more emotionally distant. Although we've been through this before, this time is different. Things have gotten to the point where even kissing me seems like a chore for him. At least, that's what it feels like. It makes me sad. I hate feeling rejected. I mentioned it to Zeke so many times before. His response was along the lines of, "I'm not used to being with a woman who is so affectionate. You shouldn't feel that way."

I'm sorry, but how am I supposed to feel? When I kiss you and you huff and puff or go, "Babe!," in an annoyed voice it makes me feel rejected, which I told him. I remember Zeke used to be so affectionate with me, it's one of the things I loved. We would slow dance, and he would kiss me like he loved me often. Now I just feel like some sort of roommate. It's torture.

We barely have sex anymore, he almost never kisses me... When we do have sex, there is no intimacy. It bothers me so much. Normally I'm really good about making my sexual needs clear, but Zeke does not budge when it comes to sex. He wants what he wants, and I'm just there to participate. That's not how it should be. Sex isn't all about getting what you need, it's about connecting. It's about meeting your partners needs in every way to be closer to them, not just about pleasure. Not all woman like to be choked and have to say you're their daddy, just saying. I've got a daddy, and you ain't it sweetheart.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding as I finished my little mind rant. Maybe I should talk to someone about these things...but who? I looked around me as music began to play and saw Jamal setting up his bluetooth, smiling and chatting away. "Maybe I could talk to him," I thought. I used to talk to Jamal about all of my problems. Jamal was actually quite wise, always spreading infinite wisdom; although with his funny personality that is the last thing most people would expect. I waited until our coworkers dispersed and walked over to him for advice.


© mistybby