Holding mirror, looked at still reflection of still eyes, no fire, no tears but also not even trace of peace. Some mocked on being monk, some called growing up, some referred calm nature. But without peace, it can't be calm. Even the monk has the desire to be free, but no desire can be find in these eyes. They holds just nothingness, the void. Still, frozen, looking at mirror, found out a little glow glimmering , a shine, probably a shine of void, of that nothingness, like a glow of frozen ice. Reflection shivered on this search. With the shivering, with the glimpse of glow, only desire wake up. Desire to melt down. Melting need the warmth. Though warmth can't be found in Void. How can the warmth be created in void ? Call someone ? What will we talk ? Career, progress, respect, esteem, people, health or concerns and worries. We will talk about everything else, except Us. Don't have energy to talk on all this. Searched again in reflection of eyes, in hope of warmth but only slimmering glow with stillness can be found. Closed eyes and put aside mirror, to feel and search for it inside somewhere in the corners of the eyes. All black, all still... except the breath, going in and outside, stomach up and down. Among all stillness, the only movement. Like the void is filling and then emptying. Only movement breaking the void but then again creating the void. It's a thread of existence, but is it holding me or holding the void ? Observing the breath in stillness, listened one more sound, it's heartbeat thump thump thump... And the void echoed with that sound. A rhythemic sound. It's more than the sound. It's me in the void. It's my existence around the void. I am in the void, i am around the void. I, my existence, the beat, so warm. Tracked down the warmth inside with the heartbeat, streched hand to hold on it, pulled it around the void like a quilt in winter, and in a moment that frozen ice melted down. Tears rolled down from eyes. No reason to explain. Reasons are for minds and outside world. Holding on myself needs no reason. Warmth is dripping down in void. Tears keep coming down with the warmth. Crawled into the warmth. Warmth is inside me, warmth is around me. That wanderer me in Silence, can't listen the voice but can feel the warmth around. Silence turned towards inside and warmth can be found inside, later than outside. If it's not in such sequence, then it's not immense. Opened eyes and looked again in mirror, warm and watery eyes. A little void is still there in corner and it will come again one day. But i hold on the warmth longer and longer as much i can.
© @nn