at 25 years old, standing at 5 foot 7 weighing 110lbs, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes... I've lived a life most people don't ever experience in a full lifetime.
my name is Riley, Riley McPhee. I have a 9 year old daughter named Madison, and parents in their mid-sixties. I was a late-in-life child born into a picture perfect loving family in Sault Ste Marie Ontario, Canada. My mom was 38 years old and my dad was 40 years old when baby Riley was welcomed into the world.
my parents met in their early 20's in community musical theatre. My mom, an elementary school teacher, and my dad, a general manager of several casinos, lived what you would refer to as textbook lives. I was a very wanted child and wasnt easy to have. based on those things, I was very sheltered growing up so to speak. My parents were far too over protective.
through out my childhood and youth, I was highly involved in competitive dance. keeping high grades and dancing were my main focuses growing up.
My other and quite over powering responsibility was to be my dad's primary caregiver along with my mom. my dad opened casinos all over the world until he got a job as our cities casino general manager when I was 7. he then moved back home with my mom and I and literally within 3 months, he got very sick.
a lifelong diabetic, not properly caring for himself took a major toll on him. he went blind overnight, had kidney cancer, had a kidney removed, got diagnosed with congestive heart failure, eventually was forced to start kidney dialysis... and that was just the tip of the iceberg. all those issues along with the usual day to day blood sugar checks and regulations as well as 4 very time sensitive insulin needles a day (breakfast,lunch,dinner and2 different kinds at bedtime), was quite the responsibility for a 7 year old Riley.
I would come home every day at lunch to feed my dad , check his blood sugar level and give him his insulin injection from the age of 7 and up. I remember so many occasions where I would come home to find him passed out, convulsing on the ground in what is called a diabetic coma. scary things for anyone especially a young girl. I'd have to call him an ambulance and deal with all those things while my mom was still at work teaching.
seficit to say, I grew up very quickly. I didn't have much of a childhood.
fast forward several years to me being a 9th grade rebel without a cause... I was 13 years old and my first time having sex I just so happen to get pregnant. I have always had some sort of black cloud that has always seemingly followed me around throughout my life. I remember girls that went to high school parties every weekend that would sleep around like crazy and yet somehow lucky me gets pregnant my first time and somehow I was the whore of course.
from that point on I was known as the school slut and as you can guess, I got bullied brutally.
I didn't tell anyone about my pregnancy until I couldn't hide it anymore at 6 and a half months in.
after much disappointment along with every other emotion imaginable my parents came to terms with the situation as best as possible.
I was lucky enough to have a family member come forward and offer to help and take care of the baby. selflessly, I let my cousin Jen take kinship custody of my daughter. the day she was born she left the hospital with Jen. not me. talk about emotional. one of the world's most selfless acts possible. hardest thing Ive ever done and probably will ever do. put yourself in my shoes for a moment... is that not like the most absolute hardest thing to have to make a decision like that?!
so after I had my daughter, I left home. I met a guy in his 30's. had his own apartment, let me move in. it was a. absolute flop house. party 24/7. mattresses covering the floor. people in and out at all times. I was about 16-17 at this point.
I dropped out of school at the beginning of grade 12. tried late schools a few times never did get my diploma. I have one word and one word only... DRUGS,
the wonderful guy I was dating/living with got me hooked on cocaine. not just cocaine but crack cocaine. that and whatever else was around.
soon enough I was injecting morphine pills ontop of smoking crack every day. I started by selling everything I owned . took and sold everything from my parents house that belonged to me. lifelong coin and stamp collections and name brand clothing online. then when that all ran out... I turned to selling the only thing I had left. my body.
that was a whole new world let me tell you! talk about scary. I must admit the fear, possible insecurities or any type of embarrassment of any form quickly dwindled to non existent.
I was still approximately 17 years old at this point , still not even considered a legal adult. school was no longer part of my life, neither were my parents anymore. I was so sheltered all my life as soon as I got this bit of freedom and had no rules and no routine or anyone telling me what to do I completely fell apart.
shortly after turning 17 I broke up with the guy I had been dating and bounced around couch surfing, working for a local escort agency prior to even being of age. that's how I supported my drug habbit.
not too long down the road i met yet another older guy that, surprise surprise, was also a drug Addict. in fact he not only was an addict but a small time dealer as well. he was 27 and I was almost 18. we lived at his mom's house and his dealing was able to support our habbit at first. not long into our relationship we racked up a sizeable bill with the person who supplied us. us owing so much money as well as my boyfriend having a warrant for some pretty serious crimes he had committed to try to pay off our debt had us what is called being "on the run" . we moved out of town about an hour away from our hometown staying with a friend of ours. our plan was to wait until the end of the current month when our welfare cheques so we could buy a bus ticket to move out west to get away from all the trouble we had ourselves in.
we knew a few people that lived in Alberta and planned on staying with a couple we knew that had an apartment in Airdrie Alberta until we got on our feet to be able to get jobs and afford our own place together.
slightly before the end of the month. my boyfriend was caught and arrested where we had been staying and put our plan on hold.
he ended up getting out of jail and when he did the two of us bought our tickets and we're on our way to Alberta with no plans at the time of ever returning to our hometown.
I still wasn't quite 18. our destination was Airdrie Alberta. once we arrived I quickly got myself a job at a dairy Queen , and a and w and McDonald's all at once. 5am-12pm a and w, 12pm-5pm dairy Queen and 5pm-12pm McDonald's every day accept Sunday. we first stayed with a couple my boyfriend Jordan knew named Krista and Adam and they're at the time 5 year old daughter skyla. unfortunately the addiction followed me to Airdrie Alberta since the couple we were staying with also smoked crack. I would go to work each day while my good for nothing boyfriend sat and got high with kristA and Adam.
Jordan, my boyfriend, finally did manage to get a job working on the oil rigs in a place called Drayton Valley, Alberta. so we moved to Drayton Valley where we were lucky enough to have also known a woman named courtnie and her 2 teenage kids that let us stay with them until such time as Jordan managed to make enough cash for us to get our own place.
I handed out many resumes in our new town. I managed to get a waitressing job at a local restaurant called "The White Bull Cafe". which is a blessing seeing as how Jordan only lasted 4 days working on the oil rigs before getting fired.
the whole reason we picked Alberta to go to was for him to work on the oil rigs and make money like crazy. I spent nearly 2000$ for Jordan to be able to get his necessary tickets which are a requirement for the job I spent all that money out of my own pocket from working at those 3 fast food restaurants in Airdrie. in the end Jordan Barley made enough to cover the cost of his tickets . once again I was the primary caregiver and breadwinner of our relationship.
I had just celebrated my 18th birthday (drinking age in Alberta is 18) going to a bar with Jordan and courtnie who we were still staying with . I rapped am Eminem song a capella called shake that. I had a great birthday.
not much later than that, I broke up with Jordan and took a greyhound bus back home to Sault Ste Marie. I got my job back working for the local escort agency pretty much right away. continued to be a daily crack smoker, and I injected pharmaceutical opiates as well as the occasional shot of blow or heroin.
about 6 months later I