What can I say about a girl I loved since I was ten. She was my best friend. I have known her since we were small. She knew all my secrets, which revels out my feeling about her that I love her, not only because she is pretty & smart but also the way she laughs at every thing & the way she sees life & love. She was 8 year old that time but even at an early age she was a beauty. She has a long curley hair which reaches almost her waist. She had fair complexion which could make a man lose his heart into them. “By the way my name is Aryan….what’s yours?” I asked. “My name is kyara” she smiled & said “well I like your name”. So we became best friends. We use to play together. There was even a time she fell off from cycle while trying to catch me in a race & I was the one who banded her scraped knee. I even fought with the tough guy when they teased kyara & made her cry. I ended up having a black eye. I remember kyara was crying as she placed ice over my damaged eye. I did every thing to please her. Fathe sagar was our favorite hang out place. We used to eat chana chor under a big tree. There was a special branch on which two of us sit together & tell each other dream. She want to be famous belle dancer & she knows my dream of becoming world richest man. She never laughs at my dream even it was quit impossible. It made me like her even more. As year went by, I noticed that my feeling towards her were slowly changing. Some how I thought it was just a crush case. Whenever our hand touches, I could feel the tingling senstion in my body. Once when we were at fathe sagar , I just wanted that moment to continue hoping , it would never end. Then I realized, I was slowly falling in love with my best friend. Many times I tried to express my feeling but I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I try to share my feeling & she think that am taking advantage of her, so I just kept my feeling hidden. We reached he age of 18 & I noticed that kyara grew lovely each day. My heart aches whenever boys glance her way. I want punch their nose as I watch them talking to her giving compliments, flowers & chocolate. There was many times I watches her with mixed feeling of anger & hurt because it hurts me so much that there so many things I wanted to tell her but I could not do so. Then one day I learned that she already had a boyfriend. At first I tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was “Pulkit”, a popular senior. Those days were the saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walking by me with him at her side. As she passed by me, she don’t know that I whispered the words “god knows how I love you”. Then one faithful day they broke up. She come to me crying on my shoulder. They had a big fight & it ended up with there breakup. I was happy because she was free & maybe I would have the chance of telling her my feeling for her. At that time, I was not sure of what I wanted to do. So we found our self playing childish pranks . Now I wanted to share my feeling but I could not bear of loosing her once again by telling “I Love You”.
It was our annual function celebration time. Kyara asked “I was wondering Aryan that if you would like to be my partner in my salsa performance”. It was like a dream . I never thought it would happen. It took me some time to answer, “ I thought there are many boys who would die for you to be your partner”. She turned away & quietly said “ well I just thought I would like to spend that night with my best friend” then she continued in a whisper which I could barely heard “ don’t you want to die like them to be my partner Aryan?”. We were silent for while until I finally whispered “I would be happy to be your partner kyara”. Our annual function night came. I brought a new pair of breches & hunting & poured almost the entire bottle of perfume . I went to fetch kyara. I was talking on my phone when I heard her say “how do I look?”. I turned & saw her lovelier than ever in sleeveless white dress with her hair falling around her face. I opened my mouth but could not find any voice. I hug her and handed her red roses & whispered “to the loveliest girl in the whole world”. She asked “is that true?” I nodded. She smiled & I smiled back. I led her to the stage. I was there dancing with the only girl I ever loved. There were so many things I wanted to tell her but the most important was that I love her. I drew up all my courage & bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly music stop & the magic was gone. I come close to telling her but still haven’t done. After some time I returned to our place but she was gone. So I went to search her. As I was searching I reached the garden. There I so outline of two figures. They were so close to each other that I could not abel to describe that feeling. When I recognized the white dress which kyara wore that night, I just turn and left the school. Since that night I avoided her many times. She tried talking to me but I never gave her chance to do so. I was afraid to hear that she loved pulkit not me. I didn’t return her calls, I would not see her when she comes to our house. In school when she appears I would go in other direction. It also hurt to do so. Those days were the worst days of my life but still I kept my pride. At the farewell she approached me & handed me a rose. She stared at me, there was sadness in her eyes which I couldn’t describe. When she smile, it wasn’t the same smile she had. At that time I want to tell her that I love her but she turned & walked away from me. I got admission in engineering college which is very far away from our city. I accepted this & concentrated on my studies but still I think of her at night. It was holidays after our semester end when I decided to return home & see her again. When I reached I directly went her home desperate to see her. When I reached her home I saw her elder sister when I smiled her she didn’t smile back. I was confused, as she used to be cheerful lady like my dear kyara. Then I asked “hi equra…I guess you were surprised, well am hoping to see kyara”. All I saw sadness in her eye as she replied quietly “come follow me”. I was confused with the way she act but still I followed her. As we were walking I was trying to include her in a conversation but she hardly answered my question very briefly. I realized that I missed kyara more than I thought. She stops in the hall. I was shocked when I saw picture of my love hanged with garland. I could not believe at what I saw & think that this is all just a nightmare & I would wake up. I stared at equra with my eyes serching for explation & she slowly said “it has been half month since she died of leukemia. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She handed me a parcel with that she left. I slowly opened the parcel & saw that it contain dried leaves of roses which I handed her for our annual function. Then at bottom I saw a letter. It was dated last month. I opened it with shaking hands & started reading….I know by this time you read am gone. I just want to tell you that I feel very lucky & thankful to god that I had a friend like you. To know that I had left something inside, something I kept from you all these years. I love you Aryan not in friendly manner but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my life with you. You just don’t know how I dreamed of you at night when you are away; I can’t stop crying because I was afraid to think that you are with other girl. I just want you all to myself. I may sound selfish but that’s how I feel. Each time you held me close to you & feel your heart beat next to mine was like heaven. So many things I did so that you will learn to love but I never saw a hint. I ever tried to fool myself that you are in love with me too. I know you might be thinking of pulkit but I just did that to make you jealous to make you see me as young women capable of loving & not as the little girl you used to play with. Sometime I imagined that you were jealous & fooled me too. When I & pulkit broke up & I came crying, I just did to know how you would react & with that I will know that you love me but I failed You didn’t give any clue. On our annual function you don’t know how happy I was when you handed me rose & said that I was loveliest girl in the whole world. When we were dancing I wanted so desperately to hear you say that you love me but you never did. When pulkit came & beg for second chance I was scared that you might see us talking, I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression so I told him that we would talk in garden. There I explained him that its you whom I really love. I just conclude that you saw us together. The next day I tried to explain but then you never gave me a chance. You continuously avoided me & never gave me a chance. You never know how much pain I had experienced that time. On our farewell when I approached you I wanted to tell you how much I loved you but I decided I will not. I could not bear to hear that all you fell for me is just brotherly hand for love. I want to love me as a woman not as a playmate, so I turned & left. Now am saying ‘I Love You’ might be too late but still I want to know that I will always love you & my heart always been yours only, think of me sometime & always remember that the best thing of my life is loving you in my life….. I felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I want to shout out to let her know that I love her more than anything in the world. I continued crying & softly whispered “OH GOD!!! SEND MY ANGEL TO HEVEN”