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Hidden behind Me
What seemed like a good friendship when we met online... both going through a breakdown,meltdown from our ex's, I was still shutted and totally in darkness, I was weak. he found me first when I seeked help. He healed me, comforted me, loved me, gave me things I have never been given, he showed me a different view to imagine in a perfect life, I was living in a whole new world. He never left my side, he was there 24/7, between those days I healed piece by piece. I feel for him, I hit hard for him, I was my own and I never wanted to let him go so did he. This happen way too fast, within less then 3 weeks. He grew obsessed but I knew it was loved, he grew possessed I took it as care, he grew anger towards my decisions, I thought he knew better, him being well more experienced than me, older than me gave him power to control me. And grow to mature under his wing.
First second month, he never wanted me to leave his side, never wanted me to be off my phone with him, he would yell and swear me, it would hurt, but I had no choice as can't turn back now. I have lost and received another. I didn't feel the need to pull away as he cared so much. I started lying about the things I would do to avoid a fight, he would find out anyway and yes it would be a big argument that he would pull on for days. He always held grugdes. I started hiding things away not telling him to protect myself from the hurt I know I'll receive. Things got worse, he noticed the sweetness in me, he noticed i didn't talk back, I respected his anger, I had fear. He took more advantage of it. Nothing from there onwards was good. I was never myself again. I couldn't make a decision on my own. I was told yes or no. I was told do this not that. Don't talk to him or her. Don't go there anymore. Don't ever say this to me again. Don't ever talk about our private relationship. He become so obsessed he wanted me to show him I was home. Show him what I am wearing. Who I last called/ texted. I lived in fear for months, scared to open his text message not knowing what is coming my way. He would always assume everything I post was about him. He would assume every caption was pointed to him. He was going crazy. Lossing his mind Infront of me. Forcing me to do things I didn't want to do, i couldn't leave now, I was sinking in deeper and deeper into his trap. During arguments that he starts he would break things around him. Scream and yell till his sweating, dripping veins popping,not to forget blowing up my phone none stop.
Person hidden in me was told to never be seen. "Fake a smile darling". Pretend all was okey in this "perfect" relationship. That shes proud to have him, she needs no one's advice or happiness in her circle. Close off friends.
Told she should put him first in everything. Make him her first priority. Notify him on every move she makes. Who she talks to, what she is about to do. She was isolated from friends & family. She was given instructions to follow. Consequences she faces when she disagrees.
He made her stop wearing make up, to stop wearing short dresses, tight pants and jeans. He made sure she look unattractive to all men. He limited her bed time. Limited her time with television. Gave a certain hour to talk to family.
He berates her, belittles her, makes her feel small, now she's feels less of everything, she's bruised inside, no self esteem, she's is a walking corpse, she gives and never gets back. Suffers from lack of sleep, appitite, confidence, focus, happiness,
He owned her like his pet, he moved her like his vehicle. He hurt her like a shutterd glass. He scared her like she would take her last breath. He made her walk on eggshells, be on her toes. He liked how she feared him. Respected him at all times. Did as she was told.
They say leave, why do you stay? If only they knew what she will face if did so. If only they knew he could do the impossible. If only they would think twice before saying " leave " that's another word for "death"...
First second month, he never wanted me to leave his side, never wanted me to be off my phone with him, he would yell and swear me, it would hurt, but I had no choice as can't turn back now. I have lost and received another. I didn't feel the need to pull away as he cared so much. I started lying about the things I would do to avoid a fight, he would find out anyway and yes it would be a big argument that he would pull on for days. He always held grugdes. I started hiding things away not telling him to protect myself from the hurt I know I'll receive. Things got worse, he noticed the sweetness in me, he noticed i didn't talk back, I respected his anger, I had fear. He took more advantage of it. Nothing from there onwards was good. I was never myself again. I couldn't make a decision on my own. I was told yes or no. I was told do this not that. Don't talk to him or her. Don't go there anymore. Don't ever say this to me again. Don't ever talk about our private relationship. He become so obsessed he wanted me to show him I was home. Show him what I am wearing. Who I last called/ texted. I lived in fear for months, scared to open his text message not knowing what is coming my way. He would always assume everything I post was about him. He would assume every caption was pointed to him. He was going crazy. Lossing his mind Infront of me. Forcing me to do things I didn't want to do, i couldn't leave now, I was sinking in deeper and deeper into his trap. During arguments that he starts he would break things around him. Scream and yell till his sweating, dripping veins popping,not to forget blowing up my phone none stop.
Person hidden in me was told to never be seen. "Fake a smile darling". Pretend all was okey in this "perfect" relationship. That shes proud to have him, she needs no one's advice or happiness in her circle. Close off friends.
Told she should put him first in everything. Make him her first priority. Notify him on every move she makes. Who she talks to, what she is about to do. She was isolated from friends & family. She was given instructions to follow. Consequences she faces when she disagrees.
He made her stop wearing make up, to stop wearing short dresses, tight pants and jeans. He made sure she look unattractive to all men. He limited her bed time. Limited her time with television. Gave a certain hour to talk to family.
He berates her, belittles her, makes her feel small, now she's feels less of everything, she's bruised inside, no self esteem, she's is a walking corpse, she gives and never gets back. Suffers from lack of sleep, appitite, confidence, focus, happiness,
He owned her like his pet, he moved her like his vehicle. He hurt her like a shutterd glass. He scared her like she would take her last breath. He made her walk on eggshells, be on her toes. He liked how she feared him. Respected him at all times. Did as she was told.
They say leave, why do you stay? If only they knew what she will face if did so. If only they knew he could do the impossible. If only they would think twice before saying " leave " that's another word for "death"...
