my life at the beginning from my first memory has recently been put forth for me by those closest to me to place myself in front of me so that i am able to see me fro the perspective of others. Its alot like wearing anothers shoes, but more personal because its me I'm wearing from a totally different angle. Its not that i am that adept at doing so with the other me completely unbiased, but lets face it, theres pride to hurtle over, self centeredness to erace, a healthy at times to a sick ego practicing daily to duck, dive, and deliver we all gotta keep track of and give ourselves an honest feedback every day just for me to put off that me for this to take place and convey in that tard that im now accepting as being me. {just a bit more time please, just got started}

One of my first memories was getting a used toy from my best friend at my party . I said something cruel and felt horrid. i quit opening presents and ran to his house to let him know how sorry i was. That was my 5th birthday. I was such a shallow narcisistic know it all that judged an old toy to be less than any new toy without getting my best friends opinion since he would have been a wise person to get all the good stuff on it cause he owned it. The worst and farmost, the worst thing i could do was not consider my best friends feelings, it was what i did to myself. I never forgave myself and to this day, my birthday has been the worst day of my life filled with regret, photo-escapings, and self harming platitudes ending the birthday in bodily, or personal material being destroyed in a finale of witnesses seeing my ectacy of self stupidity. Thats all over now since i faced the fact, I have been a tard until now.