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"My Heros Have Always Been A Cowboy"
Forward: "A Short Story"
**************
In an age thyat's barely understood by many, it's no wonder that peoples' understanding of Spiritual matters is at a low!
My name is Ken Knight and I am 60 years old with a B. A
in Systematic Theology, an Ass. Deg. in Apologetics and a year of Simenary. I have read, deciphered, understood, cried over, searched, pondered, wrote about, studied, talked about, given of, and known the Word of God in-depth. The Athanasius Creed; The Reform by Martin Luther; Oracles and Doctrine; Law; History; Poetry; Judges; Kings and Queens; The Gospel; The Acts; Prophesy; Redemption; Sacrifice; Faith; The Sanctification, Justification and Glorification;
Wrath; Destruction/Construction; Captivity; Holy vs. Evil; Instruction; Office; Healing; Miracles; Rebirth; Ordaining; Creation and Sin/Righteousness.
To me, the Bible is a manuscript, or log, of and for those called and uncalled for the purpose of God, to help us not only understand God's attributes and His Demands, but, to live a meaningful life under His direction. Proverbs 3:5
[5]Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
Proverbs 3:6
[6]In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:7
[7]Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.
Proverbs 3:8
[8]It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.
I write this Shortstory to show you how I, though educated in the ways and means of "The One True God, was Spiritually coaxed to make a sacrifice; not just a sacrifice for God, but for a woman I thought I was in-love with. The following will test your heart in the libraries of honesty, loyalty and heart-after-God! Selfishness holds no place in this story. This sacrifice requires God's Permission first, the near addage to scripture, abuse of education, trust in the spirit, courage and honesty!
Hope you get something from this writing!
*****PartOne*****
"The Meeting"
Because of my restless life I had lived in Wichita Falls several times and had known Karen, (we'll call her that in this book for respect purposes), about 12, 15 years ago when she took over a bar I frequented on Seymour Highway.
I started going out to a bar on the old access road called Woody's about 3 months prior to this book. Karaoke on Thursdays and Sundays. Karen was there at least every Thursday and Sunday. Petty-in-heart and soul and built really nice, she stood out to me, yet I knew she was married! Understanding the Law of God is the pinnacle of deterance, however, I would soon find out my amount of unpersuation was small in comparison to.
*******PartTwo*******
"The Hug"
Now, you have to understand, only after I describe to you the way I felt, why I can't remember where it happened at. But one Sunday evening a friend named Karen, we'll call her Karen to start, hugged me and every molecule in my body reacted. It was like I had been exorcized of a legion of demons. My body finally relaxed enough to let her go. That hug was one that demanded you hold on! Afterwards, whatever departing words were spoken, not remembered, I could not help but believe that an Angel had just delivered that hug. And then found myself faced with the realization that, despite my schooling, I was in defiance of the principal of adultery.
*******PartThree*******
"The Irony"
The next few days would confirm what my heart was feeling. Though I thought it best not to say anything, I told
her of my feelings desperately hoping she felt the same. It was at that point that I discovered her strength in God was beyond that of mine as she spoke of her love and adoration for her husband.
It's times like this when you have doubts about the feesability of periods you've spent in study for a B. A. in Theoloy. If I understand correctly, to look upon a married woman with lust is the same as having committed adultry in God's eyes. However, for a few weeks I was convinced that this was the woman of my dreams. I would soon find out my reasons for even being around her
were larger in scope than what I knew!
*******PartFour******
"The Answer(s)
Circumstances would have it for me to move into her house for a week that she not drive back and forth between my brother's place and my job.
I had lost my vehicle due to transmission failure a week prior to the "great hug"! Stranded by my stubborness and nothing to drive Karen would offer to take me wherever I wanted to go, thus was a few trips between home and her house. Now, we had opportunity for conversation that would relay to me her loyalty! That night, prior to her telling me of her one true love, I would ponder Systematic Theology to try to find some crux in the Word that would justify me in my feelings. In doing so I would find that I had indeed been guilty of adultry and immediately asked for forgiveness, knowing this perpetual feeling would shadow me in the days to come. Noteworthy is the fact that even though she loved her husband, I would patiently wait because her husband demonstrated a lack of desire for her in more ways than none!
*******PartFive******
"The disappointment"
Circumstances would then have its way days later as I offered her alittle extra income for a week in pooling me back and forth to work everyday as I waited for my income tax return. Set in forward motion was her explanation that would reveal a Spirit of love.
I began to relax alittle in my sudden fall to "love". Just time with her would relay to me that something else was intended for the demise of my tenure that week. To prematurely explain the awe in all this is precedent to the fact that what was to come was of no great shock had I not been clouded by lust!
******PartSix*******
"The Late Summaries of How"
I'll go back for a moment so that you fully understand where this story is coming from and where it's going and why!
The year of 1992 was time in history to come for my College Graduation day. I was elated to the being-knowledgeable-of God and the Bible! I had great plans, but would find out in a few years that being knowledgeable of anything, in itself, can be alittle tricky! I found myself studying the "office of" and Oracles concerning the 5 gifts:
Ephesians 1:17
[17]That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him:
Ephesians 1:18
[18]The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints.
Ephesians 3:4
[4]Whereby, when ye read, ye may understand my knowledge in the mystery of Christ)
***Ephesians 4:1
***[1]I therefore, the prisoner ***of the Lord, beseech you ***that ye walk worthy of the **vocation wherewith ye are ***called.
Now, knowing all these things I ask the Spirit of God to reveal to me things pertaining to this situation, since I found my love lost in mid-air, as to the "why" I am hear.
Along my path over the last 10 years I find that my struggle with the flesh is more than I alone can bear so I dabble in drugs and alcohol and porn and masturbation knowing the various sins commited: sins against self; sins against God ; and sins against creation! For me to continue in the office of teaching in Theology, I would have to be redeemed in my soul! The story of Ruth in the Bible is similiar to what I speak of. Thus, in the next several years I would earnestly pray to be put in a situation for redemption.
****PartSeven****
"The Non- Redemption Factor"
This brings me back to my first night there, as I would begin to learn the awkward task of dealing with an alcoholic husband, dying wife, and a demon in the Pitt Bull pet.
Having gotten close to Karen it was hard to listen to the demands of her saturated husband, whom, inncidentally, was Lead Vocalist and Lead and Rhythm Guitarist in his band called "Silver Thunder"
*****PartEight******
" The Distractions"
Now faced with the fact of significant placement in this situation, I begin to teach and probe to find out bits at a time. First was the fact that their Red Nose Pit Bull did not like strangers. This was a catalyst for the duration I would spend coaxing this demon over to my side, learning of the patience I did not possess.
Second, that Dave was told by his physician to quit drinking or face the alternative! This wasn't going to happen. Thlirdly, that 5 cats were kept in a cage and cried all night long. And fourth, that Karen has Diabetes.
With this sudden knowledge I first thought I might be there because Karen was going to leave Dave and I would support her...wrong! Then, I was to support Karen in his, what I thought was, abuse of her, though no hands-on was commited.
*****PartNine******
"The Helplessness"
It was toward the end of my stay, a Thursday, we all went out the night before and in talking to Karen about the goings-on in the past week learned of her Lukemia, which was in stage 2.
Right then, all my education and revelations were mute for the situation I had placed myself into. Not only did I need to be redeemed for my sins, but felt unworthy to lead, by example, in how to love your wife (who is dying), how to give your husband the props he so-desparately needed in his alcoholic throes and train a killer to love. I was useless and looked pitiful in my guilt of having flirted with a wife of a friend! But it took all this to say," Now you can ask again what you've been asking for for 10 years:"
*****PartTen******
"The Prayer'
So I prayed:
" Oh Heavenly Father, my Great God Almighty , Elohim, I come boldly to your Throne of Grace for supplication of grace, mercy and forgiveness of sins. I am unworthy Oh LORD, to even cry at your feet for such. However, LORD, a long time ago you said "Ask and ye shall receive." Thus, I summons you to take my life in return for Kathy and her husband, that as a unit united in your name, they may find fullness and richness-of-life as one in your name. Oh LORD, as you know all things I have failed in my office of teaching and am in need of redemption to atone for my guilt. Father, it's clear my weakness to flesh and worldly goods, therefore my life I have no love for in disobedience to you. Elohim, Christ Jesus, Holy Spirit, I call on your mercy and grace that I am Sanctified and Justified, by Your Forgiveness and Grace, and by your blessing for the gift of transference in souls to your bosom am I Glorified of you!" I ask you, LORD, to take me instead of Karen, if she is to die with Lukemia.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
*****PartEleven*****
"The Heroes"
Well, after I thought I was there for about 8 things, in graduating order, Karen and I were talking about nothing in particular a few days later and she just spouts off, "Did you ever stop to think it might be that you're here because Dave and I might be looking out for you"? I was at a loss for words!
No, I hadn't considered that one, but it's par for the coarse.
See, alot of times it's just not about me, it's about others! That's when I realized that I had been so selfish. Don't get me wrong; I would gladly take her place so that she could go on to rectify her marriage and I wouldn't be lonely anymore, but that's not what's required here. What's required here is for me to grab hold of good friends and get off my pity-pot! My drugs we're doing the talking while my pen helped make me out to be some kind of hero, yet my brain told me after each proofreading that none of my stories were going to end like I intended them to. They couldn't! I was trying to be everything I couldn't, nothing that required sacrifice on my part, and anything I could to save face in the end!
****PartTwelve*****
"The Educator"
The hero in this story is not going to be me, the Cowboy!
Another ending written by itself; or God! Not what I expected! However, in keeping with the letter and being honest, I have shown both sides of the coin and, unless someone gets inspiration from this to not write their own endings , they're both the same...tails! Truth always finds it's spot when and where and how and why, who of and what about! The truth is that I am a grandiosed drug user that needed someone desperately to fill the void and show me all is not lost. So far I've been in-love/lust; a counselor/needing counsel; a teacher/needing to be taught; a Savior/in bad need of one; and a hero/searching for one!
There is just absolutely, no way I could have been the hero in this story. And if more truth was known, there will be quite a few stories written, complete, each with their own hero's already matured and ready, before I am grown-up enough to even be considered anyone's
hero! My heros have always been a Cowboy, but my hero this time is Karen...well, Karen and Dave and "The Band! And we cannot, under any circumstances, leave out "Jango", the Red nose Pitt Bull who has shown me more love lately than I have for myself in years!
God Bless!
Ken R. Knight
Author
Krk
© Bar7RRanch@1
**************
In an age thyat's barely understood by many, it's no wonder that peoples' understanding of Spiritual matters is at a low!
My name is Ken Knight and I am 60 years old with a B. A
in Systematic Theology, an Ass. Deg. in Apologetics and a year of Simenary. I have read, deciphered, understood, cried over, searched, pondered, wrote about, studied, talked about, given of, and known the Word of God in-depth. The Athanasius Creed; The Reform by Martin Luther; Oracles and Doctrine; Law; History; Poetry; Judges; Kings and Queens; The Gospel; The Acts; Prophesy; Redemption; Sacrifice; Faith; The Sanctification, Justification and Glorification;
Wrath; Destruction/Construction; Captivity; Holy vs. Evil; Instruction; Office; Healing; Miracles; Rebirth; Ordaining; Creation and Sin/Righteousness.
To me, the Bible is a manuscript, or log, of and for those called and uncalled for the purpose of God, to help us not only understand God's attributes and His Demands, but, to live a meaningful life under His direction. Proverbs 3:5
[5]Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
Proverbs 3:6
[6]In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:7
[7]Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.
Proverbs 3:8
[8]It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.
I write this Shortstory to show you how I, though educated in the ways and means of "The One True God, was Spiritually coaxed to make a sacrifice; not just a sacrifice for God, but for a woman I thought I was in-love with. The following will test your heart in the libraries of honesty, loyalty and heart-after-God! Selfishness holds no place in this story. This sacrifice requires God's Permission first, the near addage to scripture, abuse of education, trust in the spirit, courage and honesty!
Hope you get something from this writing!
*****PartOne*****
"The Meeting"
Because of my restless life I had lived in Wichita Falls several times and had known Karen, (we'll call her that in this book for respect purposes), about 12, 15 years ago when she took over a bar I frequented on Seymour Highway.
I started going out to a bar on the old access road called Woody's about 3 months prior to this book. Karaoke on Thursdays and Sundays. Karen was there at least every Thursday and Sunday. Petty-in-heart and soul and built really nice, she stood out to me, yet I knew she was married! Understanding the Law of God is the pinnacle of deterance, however, I would soon find out my amount of unpersuation was small in comparison to.
*******PartTwo*******
"The Hug"
Now, you have to understand, only after I describe to you the way I felt, why I can't remember where it happened at. But one Sunday evening a friend named Karen, we'll call her Karen to start, hugged me and every molecule in my body reacted. It was like I had been exorcized of a legion of demons. My body finally relaxed enough to let her go. That hug was one that demanded you hold on! Afterwards, whatever departing words were spoken, not remembered, I could not help but believe that an Angel had just delivered that hug. And then found myself faced with the realization that, despite my schooling, I was in defiance of the principal of adultery.
*******PartThree*******
"The Irony"
The next few days would confirm what my heart was feeling. Though I thought it best not to say anything, I told
her of my feelings desperately hoping she felt the same. It was at that point that I discovered her strength in God was beyond that of mine as she spoke of her love and adoration for her husband.
It's times like this when you have doubts about the feesability of periods you've spent in study for a B. A. in Theoloy. If I understand correctly, to look upon a married woman with lust is the same as having committed adultry in God's eyes. However, for a few weeks I was convinced that this was the woman of my dreams. I would soon find out my reasons for even being around her
were larger in scope than what I knew!
*******PartFour******
"The Answer(s)
Circumstances would have it for me to move into her house for a week that she not drive back and forth between my brother's place and my job.
I had lost my vehicle due to transmission failure a week prior to the "great hug"! Stranded by my stubborness and nothing to drive Karen would offer to take me wherever I wanted to go, thus was a few trips between home and her house. Now, we had opportunity for conversation that would relay to me her loyalty! That night, prior to her telling me of her one true love, I would ponder Systematic Theology to try to find some crux in the Word that would justify me in my feelings. In doing so I would find that I had indeed been guilty of adultry and immediately asked for forgiveness, knowing this perpetual feeling would shadow me in the days to come. Noteworthy is the fact that even though she loved her husband, I would patiently wait because her husband demonstrated a lack of desire for her in more ways than none!
*******PartFive******
"The disappointment"
Circumstances would then have its way days later as I offered her alittle extra income for a week in pooling me back and forth to work everyday as I waited for my income tax return. Set in forward motion was her explanation that would reveal a Spirit of love.
I began to relax alittle in my sudden fall to "love". Just time with her would relay to me that something else was intended for the demise of my tenure that week. To prematurely explain the awe in all this is precedent to the fact that what was to come was of no great shock had I not been clouded by lust!
******PartSix*******
"The Late Summaries of How"
I'll go back for a moment so that you fully understand where this story is coming from and where it's going and why!
The year of 1992 was time in history to come for my College Graduation day. I was elated to the being-knowledgeable-of God and the Bible! I had great plans, but would find out in a few years that being knowledgeable of anything, in itself, can be alittle tricky! I found myself studying the "office of" and Oracles concerning the 5 gifts:
Ephesians 1:17
[17]That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him:
Ephesians 1:18
[18]The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints.
Ephesians 3:4
[4]Whereby, when ye read, ye may understand my knowledge in the mystery of Christ)
***Ephesians 4:1
***[1]I therefore, the prisoner ***of the Lord, beseech you ***that ye walk worthy of the **vocation wherewith ye are ***called.
Now, knowing all these things I ask the Spirit of God to reveal to me things pertaining to this situation, since I found my love lost in mid-air, as to the "why" I am hear.
Along my path over the last 10 years I find that my struggle with the flesh is more than I alone can bear so I dabble in drugs and alcohol and porn and masturbation knowing the various sins commited: sins against self; sins against God ; and sins against creation! For me to continue in the office of teaching in Theology, I would have to be redeemed in my soul! The story of Ruth in the Bible is similiar to what I speak of. Thus, in the next several years I would earnestly pray to be put in a situation for redemption.
****PartSeven****
"The Non- Redemption Factor"
This brings me back to my first night there, as I would begin to learn the awkward task of dealing with an alcoholic husband, dying wife, and a demon in the Pitt Bull pet.
Having gotten close to Karen it was hard to listen to the demands of her saturated husband, whom, inncidentally, was Lead Vocalist and Lead and Rhythm Guitarist in his band called "Silver Thunder"
*****PartEight******
" The Distractions"
Now faced with the fact of significant placement in this situation, I begin to teach and probe to find out bits at a time. First was the fact that their Red Nose Pit Bull did not like strangers. This was a catalyst for the duration I would spend coaxing this demon over to my side, learning of the patience I did not possess.
Second, that Dave was told by his physician to quit drinking or face the alternative! This wasn't going to happen. Thlirdly, that 5 cats were kept in a cage and cried all night long. And fourth, that Karen has Diabetes.
With this sudden knowledge I first thought I might be there because Karen was going to leave Dave and I would support her...wrong! Then, I was to support Karen in his, what I thought was, abuse of her, though no hands-on was commited.
*****PartNine******
"The Helplessness"
It was toward the end of my stay, a Thursday, we all went out the night before and in talking to Karen about the goings-on in the past week learned of her Lukemia, which was in stage 2.
Right then, all my education and revelations were mute for the situation I had placed myself into. Not only did I need to be redeemed for my sins, but felt unworthy to lead, by example, in how to love your wife (who is dying), how to give your husband the props he so-desparately needed in his alcoholic throes and train a killer to love. I was useless and looked pitiful in my guilt of having flirted with a wife of a friend! But it took all this to say," Now you can ask again what you've been asking for for 10 years:"
*****PartTen******
"The Prayer'
So I prayed:
" Oh Heavenly Father, my Great God Almighty , Elohim, I come boldly to your Throne of Grace for supplication of grace, mercy and forgiveness of sins. I am unworthy Oh LORD, to even cry at your feet for such. However, LORD, a long time ago you said "Ask and ye shall receive." Thus, I summons you to take my life in return for Kathy and her husband, that as a unit united in your name, they may find fullness and richness-of-life as one in your name. Oh LORD, as you know all things I have failed in my office of teaching and am in need of redemption to atone for my guilt. Father, it's clear my weakness to flesh and worldly goods, therefore my life I have no love for in disobedience to you. Elohim, Christ Jesus, Holy Spirit, I call on your mercy and grace that I am Sanctified and Justified, by Your Forgiveness and Grace, and by your blessing for the gift of transference in souls to your bosom am I Glorified of you!" I ask you, LORD, to take me instead of Karen, if she is to die with Lukemia.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
*****PartEleven*****
"The Heroes"
Well, after I thought I was there for about 8 things, in graduating order, Karen and I were talking about nothing in particular a few days later and she just spouts off, "Did you ever stop to think it might be that you're here because Dave and I might be looking out for you"? I was at a loss for words!
No, I hadn't considered that one, but it's par for the coarse.
See, alot of times it's just not about me, it's about others! That's when I realized that I had been so selfish. Don't get me wrong; I would gladly take her place so that she could go on to rectify her marriage and I wouldn't be lonely anymore, but that's not what's required here. What's required here is for me to grab hold of good friends and get off my pity-pot! My drugs we're doing the talking while my pen helped make me out to be some kind of hero, yet my brain told me after each proofreading that none of my stories were going to end like I intended them to. They couldn't! I was trying to be everything I couldn't, nothing that required sacrifice on my part, and anything I could to save face in the end!
****PartTwelve*****
"The Educator"
The hero in this story is not going to be me, the Cowboy!
Another ending written by itself; or God! Not what I expected! However, in keeping with the letter and being honest, I have shown both sides of the coin and, unless someone gets inspiration from this to not write their own endings , they're both the same...tails! Truth always finds it's spot when and where and how and why, who of and what about! The truth is that I am a grandiosed drug user that needed someone desperately to fill the void and show me all is not lost. So far I've been in-love/lust; a counselor/needing counsel; a teacher/needing to be taught; a Savior/in bad need of one; and a hero/searching for one!
There is just absolutely, no way I could have been the hero in this story. And if more truth was known, there will be quite a few stories written, complete, each with their own hero's already matured and ready, before I am grown-up enough to even be considered anyone's
hero! My heros have always been a Cowboy, but my hero this time is Karen...well, Karen and Dave and "The Band! And we cannot, under any circumstances, leave out "Jango", the Red nose Pitt Bull who has shown me more love lately than I have for myself in years!
God Bless!
Ken R. Knight
Author
Krk
© Bar7RRanch@1
