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Shadow
Shadow whether you say it as darkness and hindrance or shade and protection.
But for me it always meant shade and protection. I have always lived in the shadows. Cut off from the world with only books. Well growing up with a conservative mom. My mom let me study so that I accquire more and more knowledge and have a better career. She rarely let me play only on Sundays. I always stayed at home. My routine was like home to school, school to home, home to tuition classes, tuition classes to study table, study table to bed and the never ending journey. This was all my life. I slowly began to adapt to that situation. I was growing up with no company other than my cousins my maternal uncles and aunties and my grandparents. I had few friends only at school. My life was like I am ok if someone is there and I am ok if someone is not there. I always bound to books and boundaries of school. Sometimes I use to get angry seeing my friends playing after school and me riding my bicycle and going to tuition classes. As a result till today I lack special talents like how today's youth do such as singing, dancing, mimicking, acting, sculpting, painting etc and me with zero talents. My friends with lesser grades than me is even more talented. People always say talents always finds you. And me like a long lost traveller was waiting for my train of talent to arrive. I was always queer and use to think and blame my mummy that for her conservative nature I Couldn't figure out my talent.During school days the think I only knew was I was excellent at English Grammar. This was it. Are you kidding me, oh no! hell life. After passing my 10th standard I tried to forcefully make my talent in singing and writing. But it was like pumping the ballon with limitless gass So it bursted out and got torn into pieces. And stopped writing and singing. Believe me my writing was a blunder.It was like the hairs of those two arguing wives. It was like a horrible dream. So after passing 10th board examination my mom send me to hostel. And that was time I was out from the well to the wild. To the real world. In that period I was getting quite difficult to socialize with people. I met new friends at hostel they were like the real friends. Staying with them made me realize I have good control over words , my words and their usage made my friends motivated. My conversation with my friends were always like motivational or philosophical. Few couldn't figure what I was trying to explain and few could. That day I realize I am good at philosophical talks. My conversation with one of my friend was like poets and philosopher still now we continue to have conversation like that and we enjoy it. So this was first time I found a little ray of my journey to find my talent. It was motivating people. But still I was used to blame my mummy that I can't get involve in any extracurricular activities.
So in my late 20's I again started to write now my writing has improved not much but a little enough. So today here I am I can make confused people about my emotions and feelings through my words.
But today I thank my mummy that she always let me remain in the shadows today I have brought fame and respect to my mother and my myself with my grades. I have got scholarship during my college days for my grades which my friends couldn't accquire. Today my memorizing and understanding power has increased . I catchup thinks easily and quickly.Back then I was a dull student. My mummy made me intellectually develop and this was growing up with me which I could never feel presence of my intellectual talent while growing up. Today I am that courageous enough to travel alone, never lay down my head to injustice. My mummy let me use abusive words, never argue or quarell, or be in physical fight with anyone. She had always protected me she never let me speak she was the one to answer always. So growing up while seeing her I learned arguing with a bad behavior will only lead you to dungeon of your own dark self to light. Today At first I don't argue with anyone, I don't use abusive words against anyone even if anyone say's so. I listen to them and try to ignore them. But when they cross the boundaries no one there is no one to save them from my wrath. I make them cry with my answers and leave the ground but no abusing but intellectual and replying with bullets and dots. And the outcome is a teacher. I came out as a Teacher.
Yes I am happy and proud that I lived in the shadows . Yes I don't argue with anyone at first. Yes my mum made me a well behaved lady. Yes I stay infront of the world as a dumb. Yes I stay infront of the world as I don't know how to answer. But believe me I am fooling them. I feel very happy when the world thinks me as a dumbstruck and try to be the elite infront of me. I see everything and remember everything but only my boomerang always remain different.Believe me the devil inside me always giggles me.
Yes I do stay as I do not exist but believe me I exist.
All credits to my mummy.
My shade and my protector
© Lima Karan
But for me it always meant shade and protection. I have always lived in the shadows. Cut off from the world with only books. Well growing up with a conservative mom. My mom let me study so that I accquire more and more knowledge and have a better career. She rarely let me play only on Sundays. I always stayed at home. My routine was like home to school, school to home, home to tuition classes, tuition classes to study table, study table to bed and the never ending journey. This was all my life. I slowly began to adapt to that situation. I was growing up with no company other than my cousins my maternal uncles and aunties and my grandparents. I had few friends only at school. My life was like I am ok if someone is there and I am ok if someone is not there. I always bound to books and boundaries of school. Sometimes I use to get angry seeing my friends playing after school and me riding my bicycle and going to tuition classes. As a result till today I lack special talents like how today's youth do such as singing, dancing, mimicking, acting, sculpting, painting etc and me with zero talents. My friends with lesser grades than me is even more talented. People always say talents always finds you. And me like a long lost traveller was waiting for my train of talent to arrive. I was always queer and use to think and blame my mummy that for her conservative nature I Couldn't figure out my talent.During school days the think I only knew was I was excellent at English Grammar. This was it. Are you kidding me, oh no! hell life. After passing my 10th standard I tried to forcefully make my talent in singing and writing. But it was like pumping the ballon with limitless gass So it bursted out and got torn into pieces. And stopped writing and singing. Believe me my writing was a blunder.It was like the hairs of those two arguing wives. It was like a horrible dream. So after passing 10th board examination my mom send me to hostel. And that was time I was out from the well to the wild. To the real world. In that period I was getting quite difficult to socialize with people. I met new friends at hostel they were like the real friends. Staying with them made me realize I have good control over words , my words and their usage made my friends motivated. My conversation with my friends were always like motivational or philosophical. Few couldn't figure what I was trying to explain and few could. That day I realize I am good at philosophical talks. My conversation with one of my friend was like poets and philosopher still now we continue to have conversation like that and we enjoy it. So this was first time I found a little ray of my journey to find my talent. It was motivating people. But still I was used to blame my mummy that I can't get involve in any extracurricular activities.
So in my late 20's I again started to write now my writing has improved not much but a little enough. So today here I am I can make confused people about my emotions and feelings through my words.
But today I thank my mummy that she always let me remain in the shadows today I have brought fame and respect to my mother and my myself with my grades. I have got scholarship during my college days for my grades which my friends couldn't accquire. Today my memorizing and understanding power has increased . I catchup thinks easily and quickly.Back then I was a dull student. My mummy made me intellectually develop and this was growing up with me which I could never feel presence of my intellectual talent while growing up. Today I am that courageous enough to travel alone, never lay down my head to injustice. My mummy let me use abusive words, never argue or quarell, or be in physical fight with anyone. She had always protected me she never let me speak she was the one to answer always. So growing up while seeing her I learned arguing with a bad behavior will only lead you to dungeon of your own dark self to light. Today At first I don't argue with anyone, I don't use abusive words against anyone even if anyone say's so. I listen to them and try to ignore them. But when they cross the boundaries no one there is no one to save them from my wrath. I make them cry with my answers and leave the ground but no abusing but intellectual and replying with bullets and dots. And the outcome is a teacher. I came out as a Teacher.
Yes I am happy and proud that I lived in the shadows . Yes I don't argue with anyone at first. Yes my mum made me a well behaved lady. Yes I stay infront of the world as a dumb. Yes I stay infront of the world as I don't know how to answer. But believe me I am fooling them. I feel very happy when the world thinks me as a dumbstruck and try to be the elite infront of me. I see everything and remember everything but only my boomerang always remain different.Believe me the devil inside me always giggles me.
Yes I do stay as I do not exist but believe me I exist.
All credits to my mummy.
My shade and my protector
© Lima Karan
