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The first time I saw death
Being a first year nursing student, the first few days of clinical experience was pretty scary.At least it was for me.
We had mandatory orders that we should only take vitals and history of the patients. So we stick to that.
I had five patients assigned to me. And fortunately each one them and their families were extra polite to me. Maybe it's their curiosity!
Finally.. It's not that bad. We had our teachers and administrators to help us. So far so good.
My second patient was an old man with his wife beside him. Even though her eyes were weary she was pleasant. Something rare that you could come across in such an atmosphere. They both answered my questions without any hesitation and he said that I reminded him of his daughter.
I was flattered. Had no idea why.
They probably sensed that am tense.
They even told me jokes and we three were laughing hysterically!
But then I was startled when my administrator gave me a cold look , her eyes saying " kid, Its your first day. You are not suppose to laugh with patients. Do your duty".
This is my duty.
Then I moved on to my other patients taking history.
The very next day as I set foot in the ward, all I could see was a familiar face running towards doctor saying her husband is not breathing. The doctor sprinted next to the patient & started CPR .
I was numb. But I acted like a machine. I took the screen for privacy and covered my patents bed.
After a couple of minutes, the patient was shifted to treatment room for further management.
But he was gone!
I stood beside that patient for some time in the treatment room.
Till the date, I don't know why.
After the formal procedures, I go to the bedside to take the screen off. That familiar face was still there ,sitting in that bed. I wanted to console her, I wanted to tell her it's okay. But how could I...when I know it's not okay. It never is...
On seeing me she moved ,letting me take the screen ,then she hold me close on my shoulder for a moment consoling me. I stood there like a statue. My mouth was dry. That choking feeling on my throat which I hate... I nodded my head.
Then without saying a word I took the screen to place it back.
© All Rights Reserved
#Nurse#death#experience
© cal
We had mandatory orders that we should only take vitals and history of the patients. So we stick to that.
I had five patients assigned to me. And fortunately each one them and their families were extra polite to me. Maybe it's their curiosity!
Finally.. It's not that bad. We had our teachers and administrators to help us. So far so good.
My second patient was an old man with his wife beside him. Even though her eyes were weary she was pleasant. Something rare that you could come across in such an atmosphere. They both answered my questions without any hesitation and he said that I reminded him of his daughter.
I was flattered. Had no idea why.
They probably sensed that am tense.
They even told me jokes and we three were laughing hysterically!
But then I was startled when my administrator gave me a cold look , her eyes saying " kid, Its your first day. You are not suppose to laugh with patients. Do your duty".
This is my duty.
Then I moved on to my other patients taking history.
The very next day as I set foot in the ward, all I could see was a familiar face running towards doctor saying her husband is not breathing. The doctor sprinted next to the patient & started CPR .
I was numb. But I acted like a machine. I took the screen for privacy and covered my patents bed.
After a couple of minutes, the patient was shifted to treatment room for further management.
But he was gone!
I stood beside that patient for some time in the treatment room.
Till the date, I don't know why.
After the formal procedures, I go to the bedside to take the screen off. That familiar face was still there ,sitting in that bed. I wanted to console her, I wanted to tell her it's okay. But how could I...when I know it's not okay. It never is...
On seeing me she moved ,letting me take the screen ,then she hold me close on my shoulder for a moment consoling me. I stood there like a statue. My mouth was dry. That choking feeling on my throat which I hate... I nodded my head.
Then without saying a word I took the screen to place it back.
© All Rights Reserved
#Nurse#death#experience
© cal
