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The Eternal Heart-vs-Mind Battle
It just had to happen.
There was no other way. I had been patient long enough. Ten years is a long time.
The only thing stopping me from doing it was the fear of hurting him, the love of my life.
To others, this might seem like a trivial issue. People shift out of country for a better life all the time, in all age groups. But he has been of a conservative mindset, too wary of the repercussions that might follow our actions.
"Shift to another country after working for 5 years here? We will have to start from scratch there. That's suicide."
And I agreed.
And I waited for 5 more years.
The feeling only got more intense. I reached a point where I could think of nothing else.
We wanted kids, that wasn't happening.
We wanted our careers to turn out a particular way, that wasn't happening.
And my long-burried dream of moving there, well that hadn't happened either.
I wanted at least one thing, one cherished dream to take effect. Every time I sat down to pray, the feeling only got stronger. I guess I could say with surety that the universe wanted me there.
Only this time, he acquiesced.
"If it is your long cherished dream, why don't you start working towards it? Every dream takes blood and sweat to materialise."
The moment I started the process and paid the first instalment, the feeling set in. I was all set to go!
Only he still wasn't. It still didn't make sense to him.
The fact is it made little sense to me too. I had been trying to find reasons to do it for 10 years. And then I realised that it was my heart that wanted it all this while. That's why my mind couldn't conjure up enough reasons.
I waited another year. This dream could not be accomplished without his support. And after a long drawn fight, he acquiesced again.
The day we made the biggest payment, he was naturally not too happy about it. And I was scared. Very scared.
All this while I had imagined the ways to convince him, not what will I do when he agrees.
Anyway, the process had begun, and so had the anxiety. But it was a good anxiety. Let's see where it takes us.
© Ishita Nigam Garg
There was no other way. I had been patient long enough. Ten years is a long time.
The only thing stopping me from doing it was the fear of hurting him, the love of my life.
To others, this might seem like a trivial issue. People shift out of country for a better life all the time, in all age groups. But he has been of a conservative mindset, too wary of the repercussions that might follow our actions.
"Shift to another country after working for 5 years here? We will have to start from scratch there. That's suicide."
And I agreed.
And I waited for 5 more years.
The feeling only got more intense. I reached a point where I could think of nothing else.
We wanted kids, that wasn't happening.
We wanted our careers to turn out a particular way, that wasn't happening.
And my long-burried dream of moving there, well that hadn't happened either.
I wanted at least one thing, one cherished dream to take effect. Every time I sat down to pray, the feeling only got stronger. I guess I could say with surety that the universe wanted me there.
Only this time, he acquiesced.
"If it is your long cherished dream, why don't you start working towards it? Every dream takes blood and sweat to materialise."
The moment I started the process and paid the first instalment, the feeling set in. I was all set to go!
Only he still wasn't. It still didn't make sense to him.
The fact is it made little sense to me too. I had been trying to find reasons to do it for 10 years. And then I realised that it was my heart that wanted it all this while. That's why my mind couldn't conjure up enough reasons.
I waited another year. This dream could not be accomplished without his support. And after a long drawn fight, he acquiesced again.
The day we made the biggest payment, he was naturally not too happy about it. And I was scared. Very scared.
All this while I had imagined the ways to convince him, not what will I do when he agrees.
Anyway, the process had begun, and so had the anxiety. But it was a good anxiety. Let's see where it takes us.
© Ishita Nigam Garg
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