I hate the way am feeling now. it did not actually star today. Although I can't remember when but I know it not too long ago. I remember how happy I was weeks pass, glee and optimism about all that will and could go right was all I cared about. However, today is different. I am more afriad because I don't want to get dragged into this darkness. I have been here before I only just got out barely a year ago. this prison of depression stole the best part of my growing up that I had no memory of my youth. it was intentional because I did not want to hold on to this darkness. it was terrifying. I had gradually but constantly walk my way to the light, yes it was but a candle stick but this darkness seem thicker than the one before. it's like the harmattan wind tossing objects in the air without permission or fear of the tress and sky. These emotions are everywhere; sadness and fear the most visible. what am I afriad and sad about I can't tell but it is there, eating me up on the inside like worms inside our belle. it hurt but I don't know how to help myself. I have prayed, that's one of my potent weapon and now am writing I hope these feelings goes with this piece and words. I don't want to be sad and afriad, I have seen joy and happiness in its genuine state. These feelings not anchored by possessions or needs that I intend to remain happy.

it is too early to be sad, this fear and sadness seems to have ambushed me at the very peak of what would have been my happiest. nothing I have seem to be enough. God please it is too early to be sad
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