sometimes I wonder what will happen when I die . I always harm myself in some type of way whether it's self harm , drugs , or dangerous things , but let me explain why . Hi I'm Des short for Destiny but either one is fine . I love writing . basically one of the reasons I'm on here but lets start the story ..... I personally love my space hobbies and the nature , but that's not why we're here . I was in a dark place since I was young but I never thought anything of it until now and I honestly think I need help . you see the only reason I'm doing this is to share my story , to let people know they're not alone ...... but anyway I started depression at the age 12 and it's only gotten worse . it's like when I'm alone I get in my thoughts and get sad or upset and I can't control that . the last year I fought and it felt so good but it was like I couldn't stop sometimes I think I'm dangerous or abusive but hey they honestly deserved it for all they did and the way they treated me . I feel in someway I feel but other times I don't and it upsets people but why should I care when they don't respect me in anyway and I'm not trying to sound selfish but that's the way it is . I hurt the people I love and sometimes it hurts me other times it doesn't but that's only because they hurt me first . my parents always treat other people better than me but I got so used to it I don't feel anymore ...... my parents is the reason I don't feel happy or wanted but hey I don't feel much pain I got a knife in my back and a bullet in my brain . they say my time is precious but I think I need it to end already , that's the reason I harm myself and do dumb things but not for attention but for feeling again because other than this I don't feel . yea I may use painkillers or blades that draw my skin red but at least I still feel and I'm not a heartless person , but at the same time I feel like a failure , a disappointment , and a waste of time but that's the sad ass truth about my life .
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