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my life's exams
PART 1
My name is Linda. I am a Nigerian. Nigeria the heartbeat of Africa. And in Nigeria, Adamawa state, in the North-Eastern part of the country. The state shares border with the Cameroonian Republic. Sometimes it's as if we are more of outsiders than Nigerians. We are distant from most happenings in the nation. I am a teacher. In fact, I've been a teacher for more than a decade now but nothing in my hands to show for. We eat, pay bills and before you know it the whole salary is gone. Nothing more. Year in year out. Nothing has ever been easy for me in this profession. I come to think a Nigerian teacher is just out to labor and to manage life. Most people say the reward of teachers is in heaven. So we are to be patient and manage. The problems are just piling up and the teacher is the one facing most of them. From lack of upgrade to poor salaries to bad behaving students to lack of dedicated administrators to lack of adequate facilities to lack timely promotion exercise, hmmm.
Talking of lack of timely promotion. A teacher can work for years without anything like promotion. Even with the promotion exercises. One can never be sure of witnessing his/her salary grow as his/her rank grows. So much names and offices and more lack. There has to be a lot of follow ups, and godfatherly backups, and big renown last names, and so on, before one can enjoy the benefit of his/her labour. Or one can just put up an application and keep following up until someone decided to have mercy on you and work on your file. My goodness, thats the one the touches everyone's nerves.
PART 2
Last year we had a change of government. The government came with lots of visions and promises for the education sector. The governor wanted the system to be like what it use to be in the last two to three decades. With the new governor on seat, he tried to change everything. Conducted promotion exercises to only those who are due for promotion. Those that attended where either due for double promotion, or promoted without pay, or another case and those that are due for promotion. Wow, we finished the exercise successfully or maybe not. From August last year to now April of another year. Nothing has been heard about the promotion exercise. Nobody saw any change in their salaries, nothing at all. It's as if we planted a chaff that is never going to grow. Hmmm. Sometimes later, I went to the school board. There I met the place as empty as a ghost house. Empty offices. Later I saw few vehicles. Wandering to find out what is going on I met some teachers hanging around waiting to see the board staff. They came with their personal vehicles. So that explains the vehicles I saw. We exchange greetings and I asked, "so what's going on?" They said they are waiting for the staff. They came in respect to their promotion. So I continued wondering why they are not in office by 8:30am. And now is about 9oclock but no sign. At 9:15am some of the staff started trotting in to the building. These are people who talk about punctuality anytime they come for supervisions in the schools. Wow! what a great example to follow when it comes to leading by example. I approached one of them who checked my application letter for the implementation of the real Teacher's Salaries Scale(TSS) and also my promotion. So he signed the letter and directed me to the computer room as he call it.
PART 3
It is an improvised office which was not part of the building before. It was made of wood. I saw a lot of the teachers were already there,waiting in a queue to get solutions to their complaints. What! upon the long time I used standing, I had to wait again? We were gisting and laughing when it occured to me that the person seating next to me was extra ordinarily unique. I looked at him intently, keenly observing the way he has been looking at me. I felt his eyes rolling all over me. I felt shy so I turned but could not keep myself from smiling and feeling good about his much obvious attention. The day was not sunny anymore. My heart was just throbbing, beating out of my chest for this gentleman. The computer man called for the next person as I answered and submitted my applications,everyone seem to be laughing at my absent mindedness. The man had called more than three times before I knew it was me. I tried to hide it but it seems something has gotten into me and I can't control it. After we are done with everything. I was about going this handsome gentleman came and said hi. I pretended he I didn't hear him. Then he said hi again,I have no choice but to listen. Then he introduce himself as Danny and said I looked familiar but can't remember exactly where we've known each other. I knew he was lying but I played along cause I love this lie. So got chatting about the profession and lack of certainty we are facing right now and every other interest. We seems to have the same interest. It just so happen he was just transferred to my station and he was to report next week. I was happy within me, didn't want to show of course since I don't want to be cheap. We exchange mobile numbers and parted for that day.
PART 4
Met him when I went to work on Monday. He was smartly dressed. His face was clean just the way I like it.From his dressing and behaviour, he seems to be from a nice and wealthy family.He was dark skinned, tall, and gentle in speech and manner of approach. Charming. It seems he waited my arrival before entering the school, so I took him to the principal's office. We started getting closer to each other. This maybe because we are always talking during every breaks, meet almost everyday and also talk on phone almost all the time. If I don't give him a call, he always rings me. Wow,the spark, the euphoria, the bliss is so true one cannot deny that this is it. It reached a point where if I didn't hear his voice I can't seem to catch my sleep. Anytime I'm with him I feel butterflies in my belly. I began to check my dressing, hair, lips, burst, before going to work. Because I was sure I'm going to see him. He got too used to me, I could say its impossible for him to live without me. My face is always lit up in a bright smile and when I am with him I can't seem to be in control the smiles and self. I just go gaga. Anytime I visit him, we will end up in his bed. Having great time and so on. Weeks later, I ended up packing to his house. I thought its a nice idea so I could be closer, take care of him, keep him satisfied so he won't look on those little brats out there. Keep my man and for more bonding too.
This has been going on for about five years now. I'm beginning to think of marriage, kids, family lifestyle, future, and stuff. I waited for his proposal but it seems he is not on the same lane with me. He seems to be relaxed and enjoying himself in the relationship the way it is now. He seems to like what he has now thus, no beed for any change. With all the body languages and signs I've tried to show him, he was just ignoring me. I was getting frustrated. I have been giving him everything. I mean my time and effort and body. I practically moved to his house to do all that. I cook, wash plates, wash his clothes, clean the house, make his bed, we leave for work together, and I treat him veeerrrrry nicely at night. Hah, there is no corner on my body he has not known by heart. So what else is not there but a ring to my finger. But the waiting, was so exhausting and frustrating. It's like he is not understanding me at all or he has never thought of anything marriage. What is the future going to look like and stuff like that.
PART 5
I am not a churchy kind of person but I had no choice. But I needed the love and compassion of the people there. Getting to talk with the pastor, I laid all of my heartache and complaints. He then advised me to define the relationship with my boyfriend. So I followed his advise, though I had mixed feelings about it. On reaching home. After giving him his usual but exotic night treatment. Not sure of what the outcome of my next step will be, I told him I wanted to speak with him. So I requested to know where we are heading with the relationship and when he is planning on making things more serious between us. Trying to comfort myself with the thought that, he may even suprise me this night and just propose to me or he may say he was just planning on our wedding and maybe thinking on how he was going to approach me. Ahh, that was the worse day of my life. My goodness. He said, "Linda, I love you so much. In fact I can't live without you". I was so happy to hear him say that cause I love him so much too. Then he continued,"but I can't marry you because you are practically like a sister to me. I am already engaged to be married in three months". What? At first I couldn't cry. My eye dried up. I looked for tears but it seems something happened to tge pot of my tears. I was just thinking of the meaning of what he just said. Was he for real? Do you have s** with your sister everyday? I screamed and bursted into tears. I screamed at the top of my voice again. I felt like I should disappear from the face of the earth. What do I say or do to this man? The love of my life. The apple of my eyes. The man I can't sleep without making sure he was satisfied and alright. My one and my only. The one I rejected others for. The one I have been… oh, I can't take it anymore. This is too much. I have failed in this woofly. Im a total failure. I have failed this life exam. I passed out.
PART 6
I woke up in a hospital bed. It took me some minutes before I could realise I was hospitalized. I looked around I couldn't see the love of my life. He has abandoned me. Is he for real? I can't forgive him for this. This is not happening. The pastor and his wife were there for me. They smiled at me to give me strength and courage but I feel like a rotten egg inside of me. I couldn't control it. It is showing all over my face, even my body feels sick with the whole situation. My eyes where dropping so much tears that could not even see through. I wished I had just died. The pastor told me to be strong. He also blamed me for assuming the relationship. That, I didn't understand. I felt pinched. But I kept quiet. He then asked me if he has ever ask me to be his girlfriend. And I said "no". As I think of it. Tears ran down even more. I have failed in this life's exams, I felt. I thought of how foolish and naive I have been. And I thought of the number of years I have spent assuming his love for me. I can't believe myself. That I am the one being this foolish. If it were some little girl, I would have understood but… oh. How do I start again? At my age. And my stay in his house has made others believe we are even married. This is bad. Who will look my way with all this profile. Nobody will dare to come close to me again. I am done for. I am finished by the man that I loved.
PART 7
Weeks after, I decided to give myself to serve humanity. Giving out genuine live just the way I wanted to be loved. But this time, I give to children mostly in the ophanages. I have been very careful to keeping myself. Messing myself up again is not an option. Besides I don't feel men are reason enough to waste myself anymore. I focus on my job and my service to the community. And my new found passion, which is, spending time with little children at the orphanage. I find peace and joy anytime I am with these children. I love visiting the orphanage till one day a man came up to me as I was leaving the orphanage. Who introduced himself as Mr Josh. He said he has been seeing me around and likes my passion for the needy. So we got chatting and I came to discover he also comes around to play music with the kids. Well, never paid attention so I never noticed him. We became friends from there, he ask me on a date one time. It was glorious. One could see the way he was appreciating and pampering me. I didnt want to get too carried away by his care for me. A times I will ignore and pretend I am not getting his advances. Because there is no anymore room for a costly assumption. We became more serious with each passing day. But this time no compromise and no lies. So I told him my past and he accepted me the way I am. We met my pastor(Pastor Olu) who is now my friend and mentor. And then with his advises we defined the relationship. One thing leads to another and tarahhhh: we live happily married ever after.
By: JANET JOHN
My name is Linda. I am a Nigerian. Nigeria the heartbeat of Africa. And in Nigeria, Adamawa state, in the North-Eastern part of the country. The state shares border with the Cameroonian Republic. Sometimes it's as if we are more of outsiders than Nigerians. We are distant from most happenings in the nation. I am a teacher. In fact, I've been a teacher for more than a decade now but nothing in my hands to show for. We eat, pay bills and before you know it the whole salary is gone. Nothing more. Year in year out. Nothing has ever been easy for me in this profession. I come to think a Nigerian teacher is just out to labor and to manage life. Most people say the reward of teachers is in heaven. So we are to be patient and manage. The problems are just piling up and the teacher is the one facing most of them. From lack of upgrade to poor salaries to bad behaving students to lack of dedicated administrators to lack of adequate facilities to lack timely promotion exercise, hmmm.
Talking of lack of timely promotion. A teacher can work for years without anything like promotion. Even with the promotion exercises. One can never be sure of witnessing his/her salary grow as his/her rank grows. So much names and offices and more lack. There has to be a lot of follow ups, and godfatherly backups, and big renown last names, and so on, before one can enjoy the benefit of his/her labour. Or one can just put up an application and keep following up until someone decided to have mercy on you and work on your file. My goodness, thats the one the touches everyone's nerves.
PART 2
Last year we had a change of government. The government came with lots of visions and promises for the education sector. The governor wanted the system to be like what it use to be in the last two to three decades. With the new governor on seat, he tried to change everything. Conducted promotion exercises to only those who are due for promotion. Those that attended where either due for double promotion, or promoted without pay, or another case and those that are due for promotion. Wow, we finished the exercise successfully or maybe not. From August last year to now April of another year. Nothing has been heard about the promotion exercise. Nobody saw any change in their salaries, nothing at all. It's as if we planted a chaff that is never going to grow. Hmmm. Sometimes later, I went to the school board. There I met the place as empty as a ghost house. Empty offices. Later I saw few vehicles. Wandering to find out what is going on I met some teachers hanging around waiting to see the board staff. They came with their personal vehicles. So that explains the vehicles I saw. We exchange greetings and I asked, "so what's going on?" They said they are waiting for the staff. They came in respect to their promotion. So I continued wondering why they are not in office by 8:30am. And now is about 9oclock but no sign. At 9:15am some of the staff started trotting in to the building. These are people who talk about punctuality anytime they come for supervisions in the schools. Wow! what a great example to follow when it comes to leading by example. I approached one of them who checked my application letter for the implementation of the real Teacher's Salaries Scale(TSS) and also my promotion. So he signed the letter and directed me to the computer room as he call it.
PART 3
It is an improvised office which was not part of the building before. It was made of wood. I saw a lot of the teachers were already there,waiting in a queue to get solutions to their complaints. What! upon the long time I used standing, I had to wait again? We were gisting and laughing when it occured to me that the person seating next to me was extra ordinarily unique. I looked at him intently, keenly observing the way he has been looking at me. I felt his eyes rolling all over me. I felt shy so I turned but could not keep myself from smiling and feeling good about his much obvious attention. The day was not sunny anymore. My heart was just throbbing, beating out of my chest for this gentleman. The computer man called for the next person as I answered and submitted my applications,everyone seem to be laughing at my absent mindedness. The man had called more than three times before I knew it was me. I tried to hide it but it seems something has gotten into me and I can't control it. After we are done with everything. I was about going this handsome gentleman came and said hi. I pretended he I didn't hear him. Then he said hi again,I have no choice but to listen. Then he introduce himself as Danny and said I looked familiar but can't remember exactly where we've known each other. I knew he was lying but I played along cause I love this lie. So got chatting about the profession and lack of certainty we are facing right now and every other interest. We seems to have the same interest. It just so happen he was just transferred to my station and he was to report next week. I was happy within me, didn't want to show of course since I don't want to be cheap. We exchange mobile numbers and parted for that day.
PART 4
Met him when I went to work on Monday. He was smartly dressed. His face was clean just the way I like it.From his dressing and behaviour, he seems to be from a nice and wealthy family.He was dark skinned, tall, and gentle in speech and manner of approach. Charming. It seems he waited my arrival before entering the school, so I took him to the principal's office. We started getting closer to each other. This maybe because we are always talking during every breaks, meet almost everyday and also talk on phone almost all the time. If I don't give him a call, he always rings me. Wow,the spark, the euphoria, the bliss is so true one cannot deny that this is it. It reached a point where if I didn't hear his voice I can't seem to catch my sleep. Anytime I'm with him I feel butterflies in my belly. I began to check my dressing, hair, lips, burst, before going to work. Because I was sure I'm going to see him. He got too used to me, I could say its impossible for him to live without me. My face is always lit up in a bright smile and when I am with him I can't seem to be in control the smiles and self. I just go gaga. Anytime I visit him, we will end up in his bed. Having great time and so on. Weeks later, I ended up packing to his house. I thought its a nice idea so I could be closer, take care of him, keep him satisfied so he won't look on those little brats out there. Keep my man and for more bonding too.
This has been going on for about five years now. I'm beginning to think of marriage, kids, family lifestyle, future, and stuff. I waited for his proposal but it seems he is not on the same lane with me. He seems to be relaxed and enjoying himself in the relationship the way it is now. He seems to like what he has now thus, no beed for any change. With all the body languages and signs I've tried to show him, he was just ignoring me. I was getting frustrated. I have been giving him everything. I mean my time and effort and body. I practically moved to his house to do all that. I cook, wash plates, wash his clothes, clean the house, make his bed, we leave for work together, and I treat him veeerrrrry nicely at night. Hah, there is no corner on my body he has not known by heart. So what else is not there but a ring to my finger. But the waiting, was so exhausting and frustrating. It's like he is not understanding me at all or he has never thought of anything marriage. What is the future going to look like and stuff like that.
PART 5
I am not a churchy kind of person but I had no choice. But I needed the love and compassion of the people there. Getting to talk with the pastor, I laid all of my heartache and complaints. He then advised me to define the relationship with my boyfriend. So I followed his advise, though I had mixed feelings about it. On reaching home. After giving him his usual but exotic night treatment. Not sure of what the outcome of my next step will be, I told him I wanted to speak with him. So I requested to know where we are heading with the relationship and when he is planning on making things more serious between us. Trying to comfort myself with the thought that, he may even suprise me this night and just propose to me or he may say he was just planning on our wedding and maybe thinking on how he was going to approach me. Ahh, that was the worse day of my life. My goodness. He said, "Linda, I love you so much. In fact I can't live without you". I was so happy to hear him say that cause I love him so much too. Then he continued,"but I can't marry you because you are practically like a sister to me. I am already engaged to be married in three months". What? At first I couldn't cry. My eye dried up. I looked for tears but it seems something happened to tge pot of my tears. I was just thinking of the meaning of what he just said. Was he for real? Do you have s** with your sister everyday? I screamed and bursted into tears. I screamed at the top of my voice again. I felt like I should disappear from the face of the earth. What do I say or do to this man? The love of my life. The apple of my eyes. The man I can't sleep without making sure he was satisfied and alright. My one and my only. The one I rejected others for. The one I have been… oh, I can't take it anymore. This is too much. I have failed in this woofly. Im a total failure. I have failed this life exam. I passed out.
PART 6
I woke up in a hospital bed. It took me some minutes before I could realise I was hospitalized. I looked around I couldn't see the love of my life. He has abandoned me. Is he for real? I can't forgive him for this. This is not happening. The pastor and his wife were there for me. They smiled at me to give me strength and courage but I feel like a rotten egg inside of me. I couldn't control it. It is showing all over my face, even my body feels sick with the whole situation. My eyes where dropping so much tears that could not even see through. I wished I had just died. The pastor told me to be strong. He also blamed me for assuming the relationship. That, I didn't understand. I felt pinched. But I kept quiet. He then asked me if he has ever ask me to be his girlfriend. And I said "no". As I think of it. Tears ran down even more. I have failed in this life's exams, I felt. I thought of how foolish and naive I have been. And I thought of the number of years I have spent assuming his love for me. I can't believe myself. That I am the one being this foolish. If it were some little girl, I would have understood but… oh. How do I start again? At my age. And my stay in his house has made others believe we are even married. This is bad. Who will look my way with all this profile. Nobody will dare to come close to me again. I am done for. I am finished by the man that I loved.
PART 7
Weeks after, I decided to give myself to serve humanity. Giving out genuine live just the way I wanted to be loved. But this time, I give to children mostly in the ophanages. I have been very careful to keeping myself. Messing myself up again is not an option. Besides I don't feel men are reason enough to waste myself anymore. I focus on my job and my service to the community. And my new found passion, which is, spending time with little children at the orphanage. I find peace and joy anytime I am with these children. I love visiting the orphanage till one day a man came up to me as I was leaving the orphanage. Who introduced himself as Mr Josh. He said he has been seeing me around and likes my passion for the needy. So we got chatting and I came to discover he also comes around to play music with the kids. Well, never paid attention so I never noticed him. We became friends from there, he ask me on a date one time. It was glorious. One could see the way he was appreciating and pampering me. I didnt want to get too carried away by his care for me. A times I will ignore and pretend I am not getting his advances. Because there is no anymore room for a costly assumption. We became more serious with each passing day. But this time no compromise and no lies. So I told him my past and he accepted me the way I am. We met my pastor(Pastor Olu) who is now my friend and mentor. And then with his advises we defined the relationship. One thing leads to another and tarahhhh: we live happily married ever after.
By: JANET JOHN
