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Writing difficulties
The following is a passage from my journal relating to my difficulties in writing novels or long form poetry with plots (short poems/sonnets are fine for me) and the conclusions I came to about how to get around the feelings of inadequacy involved. I thought I would post this here in case anyone has the same dissatisfaction with their own writing ability and are looking for ways to push through it and work hard to become a good writer. In a typically melancholic way, this entry is all about dealing with emotions rather than actual writing tips in case that was what you were looking for. Please feel free to let me know your thoughts or if you have anything to add that may help.
***
My creative life is still chaotic and full of doubts although I am easily buoyed by minor successes. I often torture myself by reading works by great poets and comparing them to my mediocre self; the cliche of a writer’s anxiety of influence which I am self-aware of yet powerless to prevent. I still fall into the trap of rewriting the same passage over and over again when I know the best policy is to write it to completion, publish it, then move onto the next story knowing our skill will gradually improve with use.
Perhaps I should make another list of things I should not do creatively and hold to them just as steadfastly as my list of vices to avoid. I have just paused and stared out the window for five minutes, evincing the difficulty in defining such rules clearly. One point I can begin with, although its not clear if a “rule” can be derived this, is that we must realise we can only write as well as we are capable of at any given time. This may seem obvious but by continually rewriting a passage of prose or blank verse, or converting it into a different style etc. what we are essentially trying to do is craft something beyond our current capabilities.
If we also consider that the fundamental concept, or plot, we are trying to write about is just as immature as our ability to craft sentences or lines of verse then we realise that in our initial draft we are giving the story exactly the level of aesthetic attention is deserves. It is a fallacy to think that our plot or idea for a story is superior to our current skill in writing it and therefore deserving of greater prowess to bring it into, what we conceive to be, its deserved glory. Conceiving plots and ideas is as much of a skill as the craft of writing and both skills must be developed together, gradually, through simultaneous use.
We must be patient and humble, understand our current limits and complete works at whatever level we are currently capable of. It does not matter if the work we produce is not yet at the level we desire as long as we are honest in our self-awareness to ourselves and others. If we think too highly of ourselves we will never improve for obvious reasons. If we think too lowly of our abilities we will likewise never improve as our continual and chronic dissatisfaction in our work will prevent us from continuing and completing a work we know is not the standard we would like, but, nonetheless, must be completed in order to develop the skills required to create works in the future we may be satisfied with.
I suffer from impatience because I began writing later in life but must realise that I am still in the same period of development in my mid thirties that a perhaps more “typical” writer/poet would have undergone in their teens or early adulthood. I must simply keep writing, fully aware of my deficiencies and trust that they will lessen through time and use.
It is altogether possible that I may never be satisfied with my creative work for longer than a day after the initial satisfaction at having completed it. I must accept the possibility that no work I ever complete will be of permanent, lifelong value to myself. That is why one moves on to the next project; to satisfy the craving for a new creation that fits our current aptitude and aesthetic desires. If, a month after completion, you disown it then that is fine as long as it gave you what you wanted at the time of creation.
Reading is, of course, of vital importance for developing the standards by which you judge your own writing. It is a double-edged sword, however, when reading the best novels and poems, as this standard may never be personably reachable or will require years of dedicated toil to match. Some suggest reading published works of a lesser aesthetic degree in order to be able to judge yourself against those of similar ability to yourself, thus giving you confidence to know that there are mediocre writers like ourselves who are nevertheless making money by writing.
Personally I feel life is too short to purposefully read a bad book but can remember enough from my youth to get the gist. It is important to remember that, being published, these books are being bought and enjoyed (Dad, for example, loved to read formulaic, escapist, thrillers) so they serve their purpose and shouldn’t be looked down upon (and may even have been written by authors capable of a higher art yet want to make money so write what the majority want to read).
As for good books they show the ceiling of high art and potentially offer a glimpse of the sublime as we feel in awe of the ability displayed. This would be easier to process were we not wishing to write ourselves, thus suffering the unenviable mix of pleasure, admiration and envy. Once again, we must be patient and remember that these writers were once young, without their ability, and they developed it over time. All this is to say, read to set your standard but know you will not be able to reach it without much labour and failure in your initial attempts.
Ok, that’s enough of that; time to create a list of do’s and don’t’s and set the oath for today’s date:
1. Do not rewrite what has already been written. Either abandon it or complete it in the style already established.
2. Accept dissatisfaction as a necessity of growth.
3. Read what you desire to be your aesthetic standard (i.e. what you enjoy), but know that great labour and failure are required to reach it.
***
My creative life is still chaotic and full of doubts although I am easily buoyed by minor successes. I often torture myself by reading works by great poets and comparing them to my mediocre self; the cliche of a writer’s anxiety of influence which I am self-aware of yet powerless to prevent. I still fall into the trap of rewriting the same passage over and over again when I know the best policy is to write it to completion, publish it, then move onto the next story knowing our skill will gradually improve with use.
Perhaps I should make another list of things I should not do creatively and hold to them just as steadfastly as my list of vices to avoid. I have just paused and stared out the window for five minutes, evincing the difficulty in defining such rules clearly. One point I can begin with, although its not clear if a “rule” can be derived this, is that we must realise we can only write as well as we are capable of at any given time. This may seem obvious but by continually rewriting a passage of prose or blank verse, or converting it into a different style etc. what we are essentially trying to do is craft something beyond our current capabilities.
If we also consider that the fundamental concept, or plot, we are trying to write about is just as immature as our ability to craft sentences or lines of verse then we realise that in our initial draft we are giving the story exactly the level of aesthetic attention is deserves. It is a fallacy to think that our plot or idea for a story is superior to our current skill in writing it and therefore deserving of greater prowess to bring it into, what we conceive to be, its deserved glory. Conceiving plots and ideas is as much of a skill as the craft of writing and both skills must be developed together, gradually, through simultaneous use.
We must be patient and humble, understand our current limits and complete works at whatever level we are currently capable of. It does not matter if the work we produce is not yet at the level we desire as long as we are honest in our self-awareness to ourselves and others. If we think too highly of ourselves we will never improve for obvious reasons. If we think too lowly of our abilities we will likewise never improve as our continual and chronic dissatisfaction in our work will prevent us from continuing and completing a work we know is not the standard we would like, but, nonetheless, must be completed in order to develop the skills required to create works in the future we may be satisfied with.
I suffer from impatience because I began writing later in life but must realise that I am still in the same period of development in my mid thirties that a perhaps more “typical” writer/poet would have undergone in their teens or early adulthood. I must simply keep writing, fully aware of my deficiencies and trust that they will lessen through time and use.
It is altogether possible that I may never be satisfied with my creative work for longer than a day after the initial satisfaction at having completed it. I must accept the possibility that no work I ever complete will be of permanent, lifelong value to myself. That is why one moves on to the next project; to satisfy the craving for a new creation that fits our current aptitude and aesthetic desires. If, a month after completion, you disown it then that is fine as long as it gave you what you wanted at the time of creation.
Reading is, of course, of vital importance for developing the standards by which you judge your own writing. It is a double-edged sword, however, when reading the best novels and poems, as this standard may never be personably reachable or will require years of dedicated toil to match. Some suggest reading published works of a lesser aesthetic degree in order to be able to judge yourself against those of similar ability to yourself, thus giving you confidence to know that there are mediocre writers like ourselves who are nevertheless making money by writing.
Personally I feel life is too short to purposefully read a bad book but can remember enough from my youth to get the gist. It is important to remember that, being published, these books are being bought and enjoyed (Dad, for example, loved to read formulaic, escapist, thrillers) so they serve their purpose and shouldn’t be looked down upon (and may even have been written by authors capable of a higher art yet want to make money so write what the majority want to read).
As for good books they show the ceiling of high art and potentially offer a glimpse of the sublime as we feel in awe of the ability displayed. This would be easier to process were we not wishing to write ourselves, thus suffering the unenviable mix of pleasure, admiration and envy. Once again, we must be patient and remember that these writers were once young, without their ability, and they developed it over time. All this is to say, read to set your standard but know you will not be able to reach it without much labour and failure in your initial attempts.
Ok, that’s enough of that; time to create a list of do’s and don’t’s and set the oath for today’s date:
1. Do not rewrite what has already been written. Either abandon it or complete it in the style already established.
2. Accept dissatisfaction as a necessity of growth.
3. Read what you desire to be your aesthetic standard (i.e. what you enjoy), but know that great labour and failure are required to reach it.
