I hit rock bottom, I guess.
When I lost you, it broke my heart and it never grew back together. Which was fine at first, because I sill kept the love and the feelings alive through the memories of you and the tiny bit of hope that was left. I was sad, full of heartache and constantly thinking of you. Still I felt like I could make it trough this and someday be okay. Turned out this works only temporarily and eventually disappointment will spread and hope will fade.
So on the day I lost feelings for you completely, I lost myself too. I lost the part of me, that made me wanna wake up in the morning and sleep at night, knowing I would dream of you. I lost the confidence, that there is someone out there, who will love me and care about me sincerely and will choose me each day anew over everyone else. I don't know who would want me, if I don't want myself. I don't know if I will ever be able to love again. Right now I'd be grateful to feel anything at all. I just feel numb and empty and meaningless. I try to keep reminding myself, that this condition can't be permanent and that there will have to be better times full of joy and happiness. It's hard and scary though, not knowing how long it will take to be okay again. For now, I keep drowning in misery.
© JoeyK