I don't know what changes occurred so that I changed. Yes, I have changed. Because when I was a little kid, I used to be happy, used to have fun, studied good (lightly not stressfully), everything was going on well..inside me and around me. But as the time passed, some things changed..around me and inside me. By time many things changed in me, but the surrounding is normal and I am not.Also, I am unable to find out why this negative changes took place inside me. A person who used to be light in the past, is now full of much stress, which is nothing but created by me only and in my own head. As other things except me is normal..and for others, I am also fine. But, for me, I am completely disturbed and messed up from inside. May be, this is something worth not paying attention for others.. it may be like I am creating unnecessary problems in my own head..as it is not in real, but what? What if these things are normal for them..but I am not okay.. I am tired completely, I am mentally exhausted and overwhelmed. This may be like it is not a problem for them, but it is for me. So what, if they are unable to help me to get out of it, won't I help myself? Neither I am dependent on others nor I have to depend on others for my problem's solution. As not all the time I will get the kind and helping and loving people in my life. There will be some situations when I will be alone and I will have to handle everything without anyone's help but mine..without anyone's support or love, but mine.. without anyone's care and advice, but mine. At present, still people are with me, who are always ready for any help but this time I am not willng to ask any other person for my help. As much I will ask for help without trying myself once, the more I will be weak in their view..even they don't say this, but the universal truth cannot be hidden. For now, my mental state is like everything is crashing in my mind, there are the greatest blasts and the thing which is hurting me harshly is that I am unable to understand this situation. I am unable to control myself and my feelings. I am feeling completely alone even I am surrounded by many helpful people. It is seeming like I am a different person among all these people in this universe. Still I am feeling like talking to someone about it and feel light and I may talk. But the thing which is stopping me is no one understands exactly what I am trying to say..in fact, it will create a different meaning and for me, a different and one more mental problem.
So, finally, dear me, I know you are not feeling well, you are feeling much strange, you are feeling like you are being your own greatest enemy..but believe me everything will be fine soon and you will be at your best.
Trust the God and the timing he brings.
© Sakshi Lodhi