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I could never, I would never, but I did ( mature content)
I could never.. I would Never… but i did…
Staring at the ground i couldnt move. My eyes were open to the point where i could even feel my pupils trembling. Yes my eyes were open but all i could see before me was a cross stitch of blue in the carpet as my mind exacerbated my thoughts into a blinding psychosis. As if a revolting, revolving banter banner scrolling around my mind that asked What have i done? What did I do? How do i feel? Is this real? How could i? Why would I? And What is it i do next.
I feel now as if my brain after the fact was conveying these questions as a slot machine. Scrolling through the who what, where, whys in trying to figure out which is of most importance. Which question do i answer first that is most vital to regaining some sort of clarity of mind. When as if the banner seized itself in entirety that I noticed the sound of the tv in the other room slowly bring itself back into my awareness.
I noticed the rubber foot stops on the chairs beside me within my peripheral. I could taste that last sip of beer i had had, as well the ridges that made up the fibers of my finger tips. I lifted my head slowly along with my eyes and caught glimpse of a blood stained foot that peeked out from behind the sofa. Then i smiled.
Looking back down at the ground i shook my head. I smiled from ear to ear then frowned in a cycle of my own madness. Tears stained my teeth as i questioned what i had done in my manic state of horror and tranquility. I didnt feel remorse, nor did i question my sanity. I more so tried to access how i felt in entirety about it.
In the moments before i killed her she boasted her own dominance of strength over me. She made claims that I was to be the one faced with a loss in a physical altercation with her. She asked what the fuck it was i was going to do? Certainly she couldnt believe the lies that spilled from her...
Staring at the ground i couldnt move. My eyes were open to the point where i could even feel my pupils trembling. Yes my eyes were open but all i could see before me was a cross stitch of blue in the carpet as my mind exacerbated my thoughts into a blinding psychosis. As if a revolting, revolving banter banner scrolling around my mind that asked What have i done? What did I do? How do i feel? Is this real? How could i? Why would I? And What is it i do next.
I feel now as if my brain after the fact was conveying these questions as a slot machine. Scrolling through the who what, where, whys in trying to figure out which is of most importance. Which question do i answer first that is most vital to regaining some sort of clarity of mind. When as if the banner seized itself in entirety that I noticed the sound of the tv in the other room slowly bring itself back into my awareness.
I noticed the rubber foot stops on the chairs beside me within my peripheral. I could taste that last sip of beer i had had, as well the ridges that made up the fibers of my finger tips. I lifted my head slowly along with my eyes and caught glimpse of a blood stained foot that peeked out from behind the sofa. Then i smiled.
Looking back down at the ground i shook my head. I smiled from ear to ear then frowned in a cycle of my own madness. Tears stained my teeth as i questioned what i had done in my manic state of horror and tranquility. I didnt feel remorse, nor did i question my sanity. I more so tried to access how i felt in entirety about it.
In the moments before i killed her she boasted her own dominance of strength over me. She made claims that I was to be the one faced with a loss in a physical altercation with her. She asked what the fuck it was i was going to do? Certainly she couldnt believe the lies that spilled from her...
