Quarter more to pass, and it's officially 4am, a Saturday morning of the almost unending Quarantine.

And I can't help thinking about you.

You were never mine, yet I wish you would. Despite of all the chances you gave me to see that I am not your special somebody, I'm still quietly wandering my thoughts about the glimpse of memories that somehow you felt the same for me.

Back then, I admit those were all jokes, but I somehow meant them. I don't even know if you thought I'm kidding around, but no. My feelings are just starting to arise.

I never thought it would last this long. If I'm to count, it's six years span of ray going further. Inside those years are countless memorable things.

The saddests.

The moments I saw in front of my face, those pretty girls around, to whom you saw the apples of your eyes.

I admit. I was not like them. Not even close.

What would I do? A chubby small girl versus those pageant queens? I'm out.

But yes. Even though I cannot go through to be like them, I certainly made myself packed up to be like a someone anybody could ever dream of.

I tried losing weight. I lost a little. I started posting pictures like a social media chic. I gain some people, well anyone I want except your attention. I even started my streaming career. It's not mostly for you. It's really my dream, but I somehow want you to see that I can be a gamer just like you.

Because maybe you would like me if I do such things. Because maybe I somehow get some attention I want from you.

But yes, I'm still stucked-up.

I gain the followers, as many as I wanted. I gain the reactions of the social media world as many as I never expected. I even received DMs from numerous number of boys I never imagined.

But I still feel empty because nothing includes you.

You did not followed my gaming page, not even liked any of my photos, or even chased wave in my DM.

Yet here I am. A foolish little creature. Still wanting to do more and more just to win your attention. Just like a person who does not even realize that it is me that you don't wanna be with.

That you don't want to do such things just because it is all about me.

Maybe you hated giving attention because our teacher once told you that you're giving me false hopes. Maybe those words are still ringing in you.

I am very sorry. I was just excited about the thought of having you.

If waiting for you without assurance is the cost, then I'll pay for the price.

Nevertheless thanks for making me going on. For inspiring me to shape myself up. For giving me such vibe of confidence.

The thought of you're still single and alive, the moments I see your tweets and online mark, that makes me very happy.

I'm so happy that even though you are not mine, I cannot think of any more simplest and genuine word to express that I am very 'happy', and happy and happy.

What have you done? I don't know either. But thanks for proving me that I can love truly, and I can be contented to one and only, even without getting anything in return.

If ever you have to choose anyone to love, please make sure that she will love you the way I do. It will hurt me, I know, but I will be sports, congratulating you with smile showered with tears, my happiness has already found his somebody.

But I'll be very glad if one day, that would be me.

Goodnight my loves.

I know I still love you tomorrow, just like how I do on the past six years.

It's 23 minutes past four, a Saturday morning of the quarantine.

And i can't help falling in love to someone I cannot really have
© Pristina