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Things Left unsaid.
There are so many things in life that are taboo,things people don’t want to talk about,can’t talk about,or feel they shouldn’t talk about,because they’re secrets,or sensetive,triggering,or disgusting,well,this is where I tell you some of the things I never have.If you think you won’t like it,stop here.
I won’t apologise,because everything I’m about to say is true,they just happen to be from my list of things left unsaid.
I was a weird kid,shy,introverted,socially awkward.I spent a lot of time feeling lonely and misunderstood,and as I grew the loneliness subsided,and fell away to a kind of sadness.
I’d watch groups of friends,and wondered why I wasn’t blessed with communication skills.I felt I was,but people just didn’t take to me.I’m in my 50s now and I’m so used to being alone,that I don’t know how to be any other way.
I’m artistic and imaginative,I make things and come up with little stories about little characters I’ve made out of material and filled with rice.And it’s my happy place,the place I can go to feel safe.
I remember as a kid,sitting on the curb in the street after calling for my friend to ask her mum if she could come out to play.Her mum was cold,I never saw her smile once.She would just look at me disapprovingly and say “she’s not playing” and close the door.
I sat there on the curb,using a stone as chalk to write my name,and I felt alone,and the the feeling was also a truth,because I was alone.
I remember going to guide camp,I was 11 or 12 I think,and because it was girl guides the ages of the girls went up to around 15 or 16,and when we were in the tent on a night,they would talk about all sorts of things.One night they were talking about periods. I’d never even heard of a period before and I was immediately horrified.What on earth was this terrible thing they were talking about,surely that wasn’t true?
I felt sick.And I remember thinking that I hoped they were making it up,because the whole idea was so scarey I wanted to cry.
I took the fear home with me after camp,but I never said a word to my mum.It was way too embarrassing.A little after that,we were on holiday in Spain and I was sat on the bed,and I thoughtlessly and curiously grabbed something out of the top of my mums hand bag,it was a tampon in its little crinkly wrapper,and before I could even pause to think,the words had fallen out of my mouth “what’s this?”
My mums face went crimson and she grabbed it out of my hand,shoved it back in her bag and said “it’s nothing for you to worry about”.
I instantly felt shame and embarrassment,and that feeling stuck and has stayed with me until this day.
I remember pubity,which I heard bits about from those older girls at guide camp,I remember noticing pubic hair growing from my arm pit,and feeling very embarrassed.It wasn’t a good time for me,none of it was...
I won’t apologise,because everything I’m about to say is true,they just happen to be from my list of things left unsaid.
I was a weird kid,shy,introverted,socially awkward.I spent a lot of time feeling lonely and misunderstood,and as I grew the loneliness subsided,and fell away to a kind of sadness.
I’d watch groups of friends,and wondered why I wasn’t blessed with communication skills.I felt I was,but people just didn’t take to me.I’m in my 50s now and I’m so used to being alone,that I don’t know how to be any other way.
I’m artistic and imaginative,I make things and come up with little stories about little characters I’ve made out of material and filled with rice.And it’s my happy place,the place I can go to feel safe.
I remember as a kid,sitting on the curb in the street after calling for my friend to ask her mum if she could come out to play.Her mum was cold,I never saw her smile once.She would just look at me disapprovingly and say “she’s not playing” and close the door.
I sat there on the curb,using a stone as chalk to write my name,and I felt alone,and the the feeling was also a truth,because I was alone.
I remember going to guide camp,I was 11 or 12 I think,and because it was girl guides the ages of the girls went up to around 15 or 16,and when we were in the tent on a night,they would talk about all sorts of things.One night they were talking about periods. I’d never even heard of a period before and I was immediately horrified.What on earth was this terrible thing they were talking about,surely that wasn’t true?
I felt sick.And I remember thinking that I hoped they were making it up,because the whole idea was so scarey I wanted to cry.
I took the fear home with me after camp,but I never said a word to my mum.It was way too embarrassing.A little after that,we were on holiday in Spain and I was sat on the bed,and I thoughtlessly and curiously grabbed something out of the top of my mums hand bag,it was a tampon in its little crinkly wrapper,and before I could even pause to think,the words had fallen out of my mouth “what’s this?”
My mums face went crimson and she grabbed it out of my hand,shoved it back in her bag and said “it’s nothing for you to worry about”.
I instantly felt shame and embarrassment,and that feeling stuck and has stayed with me until this day.
I remember pubity,which I heard bits about from those older girls at guide camp,I remember noticing pubic hair growing from my arm pit,and feeling very embarrassed.It wasn’t a good time for me,none of it was...
