When I picture happiness;
I picture a beautiful young girl
Shes just two weeks shy of turning 6.
She's staring back at me
With a devious smile
Her nose scrunched up
with blue eyes bright and inviting,
her golden blonde hair illuminating her tiny face.
In my memories, she will always be the same age
As when she was taken from me.
No matter how much she's grown and changed through out the years...
She will always be the same little girl I was able to love without any barriers.
Tell me how could I accept life without her in it?
I convince myself life has to be worth living
But, time will never ever repair what has been robbed of me and it only makes it harder as each day passes
The only way I cope is to know one day she'll be able to make her own choices
While, I'm tortured by my own choices that got us here in the first place.
And that who she calls her parents are more of a parent than I tried to be.
Especially now that I'm crippled by aching sadness that replaced my once happy full heart.