Dear Michael,

How do you say goodbye to someone you never met? To someone who was only just a picture on a screen? I wanted you so much for so long. My heart breaks knowing you are gone and I have to say goodbye. My only comfort is knowing that it isn't my fault; genetically unviable. it sounds so clinical. I wish there was more explanation but there isn't. they try to comfort me, telling me that it's better that it happened now, that it's easier to let go before the real pain begin. I don't want their comfort; I want to grieve for you, to feel for you and to cry for you. But for a brief time you were mine and I loved you. I waited and prayed for you for so long and when I knew you were there, I was so happy and now I feel like this is still somehow my fault, that I have done something wrong. But I have to let you go. Because no matter how hard I try, you are already gone and holding on will only destroy me. I won't allow grief to consume me; I have made this mistake once before. I need to make a choice; to say goodbye and let you go. Know that you are always mine and I will never forget you.

mum
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