The fact that I used to wake up to a nice smelling kitchen with my mom and grandmother preparing a mouth watering seven colour meal as a child and now mom is gone and grandma is too old to be preparing meals for even a family of three. I'm the one who has to cook the meals. Growing up is really terrible. Sentimental moments are gone.

I truly believe Mothers are not supposed to die. Sundays, birthdays, Christmas and new year celebrations have never been the same since mom died.

I'm not looking forward to any holiday because I know I'll be just another ordinary day. No one will go all out to make it special and memorable, those who would like to , are incapable on way or another.

I'm even afraid of having my own little family, my Childhood trauma won't let me. I hope I'll have the courage to leave everything in the past and move on fearlessly someday.

Might not be today nor tomorrow but someday I will.

© khethiwe.dhlamini