My name is mikalia brown age 33 a single mom of three beautiful children just wanted to share My story about my life hope it inspired someone. when i was a child growing up i wanted to be A nurse but little I didn't know my dream would fade away right before my eyes my mom was a Helper my dad work at a jps company but was a drinker my mom has 6 children at that time my Little sister and I was for both parents but the other for my mom she try her best to work hard while my father drink himself away we live in a old house when rain fall we get wet food was far away from my mom kitchen days me and my sister had to beg a old lady food next door I walk to school days without lunch at that time I pray to God for a better tomorrow until one day my father get pay off from his job he got a huge some of money a lady which is his friend see him drinking at a bar with the money and take it away and buy a piece of land for him so he could make a house so he did I feel so happy knowing we had a new house no rain to wet us my mom became pregnant with my brother things started to get worse my father drink day and night I walk the street as a young girl bare footed days I cry for hungry I started to pick up cotton from a tree for 20 dallor so I can eat I save and buy slippers I didn't have the love from my mom and dad they didn't even know I was in pain I went to primary school without lunch every day. sometime I run home to eat turn 🌽 meal and pork skin I cry and cry but no one to talk to until I was 15years old going high school trying so hard to achieve my goals but I guess I give up two easy I need to feel what love was so I meet this young guy he was 7years older than me I think he love me because he was the only person that show me love so I felt deeply in love with him and give him my virginity at a teenager a months later I was pregnant I drop out of school I feel so ashamed I let my self and my mom done I really wanted to help her people told me to have abortion but I didn't I keep my child I know it's hard but at that time I didn't care any more all I think about was the love I was receiving when my daughter born it was my graduation at school I went with my daughter sitting there at school Ifelt so ashame seeing my class mates knowing my would be there achieving my goals I cried and walk away with my baby in my hands, my father ask me to move out so I went to live with my baby father thats when my hold life started falling apart. his father and mother course me day and night I love him so much I didn't want to let go I try to fight my way out but he started, to beat, me day on night. I wanted to take my life my families didn't care because I make my own mistakes that's what they say, I had a big sister living in a different parish she came and visit us i Told her all am going through so she decided to help me she ask me to come and stayed with her for some times I didn't wanted to go but the pain was too much I wanted to cool my head off so i went with her my baby father cried and pleed for me not to go but I did I was hoping it was for the best, I bring my daughter with me but because of long journey she got shafe and her Virginia, my baby father ask me to bring her back a week after I did but didn't stay I went back to my sis I wanted to spend a couple more days and return but my daughter father call and he course me planning to lock me in jail that I have let a man have sex with my one years old daughter I cry day on night and pray to God to give me strength he later fine out from, the doctor it was her Pampers, i told him I will never come back there again I was in so much pain as a 17 years old teenager. my sister was my saver in which i think i was in safe hands until one day she ask me to Fellow her to a party, i didn't wanted to go but she said it would easy my pain so I went with her and one of her friend.on our way she stop and buy a Pepsi I ask her for some she told me When i reach she will give me some I didn't know my own family, could hurt me we reached a lonely house with no music and no people was there so I ask her what going on? she say I must Relax I ask her for the Pepsi and she went in the kitchen and bring it in a glass. I drink it about 5 minutes I felt my head started to spin i must have blocked out because when i open my eyes I Saw myself in a car with my sister and the girl my tummy was in pain. when I reach home i Started to bleed I was shrimming. and crying until the girl couldn't take it anymore she confest And told my sister husband that my sister drugs me and let a man sleep with me. I felt, use and Abuse I felt there was nobody to talk to my own bood, could hurt me that's much I went back Home. was so ashamed to look at my daughter father I lock my self in doors at my parents, House again, I feel use and Abuse all I wanted was love my baby father accepted me back I told him what happened. two months later I was pregnant again no future for me I just accepted The facts that my life was useless I went back to the coursing everyday I try to kill myself one Day.and it's was like someone was talking to me saying stop and pray I did at that moment I felt Good I had one more daughter I went into two c section that almost take my life.but my baby father family didn't even care his mom say my womb is course because I did not have natural birth.the pressure I got the best of me, I couldn't hold it any longer I ask someone to look a job for me I get the job And,I move out I left my girls with there father I didn't have a choice I wanted to get my life on track I work as a tour guide until I start working in bars to provide for myself on my two daughters but the bar work wasn't for me it was too dangerous I met a man.at the bar we talked for months he promised to help me with a business. but he didn't I was fool again I later fine out I was pregnant again for the third time. i live with him in a unfinished house I clean it and make it my home, I didn't love him cause all the love in me had left my body I live there because I was tired of the bar work, didn't know I was going to get pregnant again, when I told him I am pregnant he started to act different. he sleeps out days and night I felt alone, but I accepted it was that part of my life, I had my baby inside of me who I played and sing to night and day. I was so afraid because I was going through another surgery, I pray and ask God to protect me because he is the one who gives children, I was not keeping good health because I was unhappy and scared. at 8month I started to feel pain I know if I had my child he may not live, I went to hospital in there three days in pain until doctor see I can't bare no more , get me ready. for surgery. I was so scared I cry and cry and that bed.the nurse getting me ready for surgery ,but I look to God he is my friend my keeper my sheld, he protected me I talk to god I told him you has done it before and you will do it again.doctor told me my son will stay in hospital because of premature, but doctor is not God only him has the final say, my son born alive and healthy I bring him home with no complaint only person could done it but God,I feel so good I don't have a good education but I have, what most women is trying so hard to get .my baby father was happy for his son, but he didn't love me so he continues to cheats me bad but I was stronger, than before I wasn't a teenager any more I was25 years old,I accepted my fath and try to be strong and wait on God , he keep sleeping out we hardly talk I didn't lonely my son was my best friend , until one day God says this is your time, a friend of my calls me on the phone, I told her all I have been facing ,she said I give u my friend number u can talk to him ,he is a nice man, I told her I don't need relationship, anymore she say talk to him you can be friends,I text him, as a wrong person but he insisted to continue the conversation, we text days and some times night cause he is living in England, I told him my story, told him I have 3children,and all I pass through with men this man put smile on my face when I think it gone, he ask me to look a place rent. I told him remember I has a baby not working he said don't worry, I look the house with one bed no other, furniture was there but yet he provided it all, he didn't even know if am real are fake, but yet he trust me God use him as a symbol, in my life he later visit me in, Jamaica he show me so much, love care for, my children, he help me set up a bar for myself so I can help myself and kids, that's when the bad man and fake families start to show up, I run my bar from nothing to something until , everything gets slow, even a friend of my told me to let she bring me out to a oba man I told her never, things get worst I give up, and lock up the bar. The bartender who was ,there working for me didn't have any place to go I bring her home, I feed and gives her, shelter I love her like a sister she go behind my back , trying to sleep with the man God use to help me but God power is stronger than any evil , the man refused her, and tell me , I talk to her about it and for gives her , she told me sorry I think she has learned her listen I didn't understand the love I have for her , this man wanted to take to England so we want to emassy, to look about the visa, and our way back home I hear this girl and her phone telling her friend and the phone that's look at you bout , you want to go England, and am hear can't reach I shake my head and smile the next day I ask her kindly to leave, my house, she is a home breaker it didn't stop there my sister has a Friend who families turn there back on her, I told my sister to let she stayed with me, wanted to help her I love and care for her and her son like my own, she lived with me for about a year ,after wish the jealousy started to comes her case was bad because i trust and care more, about her, she go behind my back tell lies and me saying I am cheating with another man ,then have sex with the man I was hurt but I forgive the man , and continue with our relationship because he has done alot for me and I Have give the devil space in sides my house. I have learned my lesson from people around me everyday ,I have made mistakes, fail but i push harder, and try not to gives up, I was tired and felt I will never find loves but God ,is always on time, this man change my life he help me to believe in, myself. and to be a strong woman. I feel so good about myself then I realized the best person who will love you is yourself today I am not rich I got lot of fight my two daughters, and son is here with me I live in a two room, board house a kitchen, bathroom I am still facing alot but I am stronger my two daughters are now teenager 17 had 15 am here to tell them my story to hold there head high to give them the love that my parents didn't give so there don't make my mistakes some times in life all we need is some one who can talk to someone to love and trust but as for me I trust myself and put all my problems to God almighty. my pass has teach me to be strong and to be a better person has Teach me to believe in myself and to put only my trust in the god almighty who makes heaven on earth.we all here to face up and down, and to face good and bad times but also remember know one knows tomorrow I have face the worst from the people I called families but god kept Me for a reason he had help me fight depression, if he can do it for me I am sure he will do the same for you it may be ruff but tell yourself I am can do all things through Christ who strengthens us we all makes mistakes but lets us learn from it cause nobody is perfect this world we living you will fine bad mind and hate for each other lets, search our heart and try to do good, god promise never to leaves are for sake us. the rape I go through because of my sister help me to Be a better mother for my children.

write by mikalia s brown.
© mikalia brown