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Asthma Story
Many stories start with "Once Upon A Time..." and usually explain about some mystical land with a prince or princess. As a child, I loved these stories. I used to imagine I was a Knight saving people, or a Princess befriending a dragon that came to kidnap me. As a child, these were the only things I could do to keep myself occupied as I was always in and out of the hospital.
People always assumed that my asthma came from being overweight, as that was the stereotypical view thanks to Hollywood movies. Sadly though, my Asthma happened at birth. According to my mom, I stopped breathing twice shortly after birth, then spent time in NICU - Neonatal Intensive Care Unit - while they worked to keep me breathing.
I became overweight because the doctors and my parents were always stopping me from doing much of anything since, well, everything caused me to have a severe attack and end up in the hospital. I hated life for a long time. Often wondered if it would be better to just stop breathing, let it all go. Then I would imagine just how sad it would make my parents, my sisters and maybe even some friends. I couldn't cause them that pain.
Gradually the doctors began to realize that getting in exercise and moving around would be beneficial, not harmful to my health and asthma. It would strengthen my lungs. I embraced it wholeheartedly because I hated not moving, not running or walking too far. I wanted to get out there and have fun! Then it happened. I woke up one evening, struggling to breathe like usual. I stumbled out of my room and toward the kitchen, making some kind of noise along the way to notify my older sister that I couldn't breathe.
I don't remember what happened after I sat down in the living room to take a breathing treatment on my home Nebulizer. I just know that I briefly woke up to my sister crying and being held by our mom, then suddenly I'm in the back of an ambulance, after that, I'm suddenly in a hospital room with no idea what was going on. Guess I died briefly - according to the doctor and my family - and was in the hospital for a whole week before I finally came to coherently.
It was scary to realize that one of my darkest thoughts actually came true, however briefly that was. It terrified me beyond words because to me, it was like I blinked. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, no flashbacks of my life before my eyes. Just darkness...a deep empty no feeling no nothing kind of darkness. I cried and even that caused me to have to multiple asthma attacks, which only served to make the situation worse.
When I was able to go home, I became tied to the house because I couldn't travel too far from my nebulizer. Each school I went to was supplied a nebulizer - which was used unfortunately - and instructions to call 911 if I seemed to not be getting better from using it. Happened multiple times. I missed so much school growing up because of my lungs, but honestly, I never let it get me down. I was determined to make the best of things and try hard to keep moving. I wasn't going to be stopped!
Of course, I had several fainting episodes and loss of heartbeats, but I knew one day there would be a medicine that would help me become stable, help me be able to enjoy life and not be tethered by fear and doubt.
I finally got that wish when I was almost out of high school. I had to go through several trial periods with it and help them as part of the trial group, but it worked! I could now go to movies, I could go swimming again, I could even laugh without worrying that I was going to keel over unable to breathe! It was a freeing experience. I still live with that fear, I still have to take my medicine otherwise I can immediately tell because that tight chest, elephant sitting on me feeling is there. I become unable to be the mom and wife that I am, the caregiver that I work as. I become afraid that I will leave the life I was able to build up for myself when I don't take my medicine.
I know that one day my lungs will be the death of me, I just hope that I will be in my eighties or nineties when it happens. At a time when I know I've finally lived my life, when I've accomplished so much. The fears I have now, I don't want my asthma to be included in, but it still is.
I have a child with special needs and leaving her is now the scariest thing to me. Not being there to see her grow up, to learn how to live independently and to show the world that they are wrong about peope with special needs really scares me. I must always remain diligent so these fears do not come to pass. I am working toward becoming a psychologist and helping others both with the fear of their health but also with being new parent to a child with special needs.
Everyone needs that someone to listen them and I hope that one day I can do that for others. I want to help people the way I was helped.
@Monika0303
People always assumed that my asthma came from being overweight, as that was the stereotypical view thanks to Hollywood movies. Sadly though, my Asthma happened at birth. According to my mom, I stopped breathing twice shortly after birth, then spent time in NICU - Neonatal Intensive Care Unit - while they worked to keep me breathing.
I became overweight because the doctors and my parents were always stopping me from doing much of anything since, well, everything caused me to have a severe attack and end up in the hospital. I hated life for a long time. Often wondered if it would be better to just stop breathing, let it all go. Then I would imagine just how sad it would make my parents, my sisters and maybe even some friends. I couldn't cause them that pain.
Gradually the doctors began to realize that getting in exercise and moving around would be beneficial, not harmful to my health and asthma. It would strengthen my lungs. I embraced it wholeheartedly because I hated not moving, not running or walking too far. I wanted to get out there and have fun! Then it happened. I woke up one evening, struggling to breathe like usual. I stumbled out of my room and toward the kitchen, making some kind of noise along the way to notify my older sister that I couldn't breathe.
I don't remember what happened after I sat down in the living room to take a breathing treatment on my home Nebulizer. I just know that I briefly woke up to my sister crying and being held by our mom, then suddenly I'm in the back of an ambulance, after that, I'm suddenly in a hospital room with no idea what was going on. Guess I died briefly - according to the doctor and my family - and was in the hospital for a whole week before I finally came to coherently.
It was scary to realize that one of my darkest thoughts actually came true, however briefly that was. It terrified me beyond words because to me, it was like I blinked. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, no flashbacks of my life before my eyes. Just darkness...a deep empty no feeling no nothing kind of darkness. I cried and even that caused me to have to multiple asthma attacks, which only served to make the situation worse.
When I was able to go home, I became tied to the house because I couldn't travel too far from my nebulizer. Each school I went to was supplied a nebulizer - which was used unfortunately - and instructions to call 911 if I seemed to not be getting better from using it. Happened multiple times. I missed so much school growing up because of my lungs, but honestly, I never let it get me down. I was determined to make the best of things and try hard to keep moving. I wasn't going to be stopped!
Of course, I had several fainting episodes and loss of heartbeats, but I knew one day there would be a medicine that would help me become stable, help me be able to enjoy life and not be tethered by fear and doubt.
I finally got that wish when I was almost out of high school. I had to go through several trial periods with it and help them as part of the trial group, but it worked! I could now go to movies, I could go swimming again, I could even laugh without worrying that I was going to keel over unable to breathe! It was a freeing experience. I still live with that fear, I still have to take my medicine otherwise I can immediately tell because that tight chest, elephant sitting on me feeling is there. I become unable to be the mom and wife that I am, the caregiver that I work as. I become afraid that I will leave the life I was able to build up for myself when I don't take my medicine.
I know that one day my lungs will be the death of me, I just hope that I will be in my eighties or nineties when it happens. At a time when I know I've finally lived my life, when I've accomplished so much. The fears I have now, I don't want my asthma to be included in, but it still is.
I have a child with special needs and leaving her is now the scariest thing to me. Not being there to see her grow up, to learn how to live independently and to show the world that they are wrong about peope with special needs really scares me. I must always remain diligent so these fears do not come to pass. I am working toward becoming a psychologist and helping others both with the fear of their health but also with being new parent to a child with special needs.
Everyone needs that someone to listen them and I hope that one day I can do that for others. I want to help people the way I was helped.
@Monika0303
