this post was a bit of a slog. the final scene gave me ghoose bumps.
I had no idea what he wanted to talk about. Was this the talk? The one I had been waiting for. The one we discuss is the real possibility of a relationship. The one where we start to go deeper. The one we head towards the rest of our lives. I hoped so.
I had a good day in class. I headed for matt's house after the class was concluded. I felt like I had known him forever. I thought about him on my ride there. I remembered my dad speaking at a retreat for pastors and missionary kids.
"Some of you have already started to think about who you will marry. Some of you have not. Some have not given thought to rather you will mary or not. Some have decided no I will not marry. Some might be unsure. Some might change your mind. Some may want to marry but it's not God's will. The reverse is true. " he said.
"Some may marry when you should not. Some may marry the wrong one. Is not. making a prediction. I hope I am wrong. when choosing a spouse, don't settle. Seek God's best. Seek his perfect will when it comes to a spouse. " my dad said.
It sunk into me. I was determined to deal with God's best. It put me at ease. I tried to focus on the lord. It was a spiritually enriching time. I took my focus off finding a spouse.
Then I saw matt at the worker's retreat. I wondered about him. Then I was invited to sing at his church. From there, everything fell into place. Now I was here.
I was excited when I entered the town of Morrison. I felt like things were changing for us. I felt like this was a huge turning point. I think he felt that way too. I pulled onto his street.
I was nervous but excited too. I pulled into his driveway. I parked the car. I turned off the car. I had been listening to music from f.b.u's college. I got out of the car. I was wearing a gray blouse and denim skirt and flip-flops.
- I saw her car pull in. i got nervous. I felt like we could not go any further until we had this conversation. I felt better having spoken to her further. He was bored with me talking to her about this. I was still nervous.
What if she was not interested in me in that way? I knew she was fond of me. She did respect me. Perhaps I had misinterpreted her interest. I was afraid I misjudged her interest. This could be a huge disaster.
I saw her pull into the driveway. The girls and I came out to greet her. The girls liked her. I knew she liked them. She got out. "Hi, nick. " I said. She smiled at me.
- I saw the girls. I liked them. They were sweet. I enjoyed seeing them. I liked the idea of being their stepmom. I did not like the term stepmom. There was time to figure all that out.
I smiled when I saw matt. He smiled at me. "Hi pastor," I said. "How is your little sister?" He asked. "She is great. I love being a big sister. She gets a lot of attention." I said. "My youngest sister does too. "He said.
We got ready to leave his house. We got the kids into the van. We got into the van. We got into the van. We headed to the coffee shop. We got the kids and went inside. We got situated and got the stuff.
- I was even more nervous. I wished we could talk about something else. Engage in Smalltalk. Talk about the weather, anything. I knew we had to talk about this. We needed a plan. I needed to know what direction we were going in.
" so, I am curious are you interested in a long rem relationship that the lord willing would lead to marriage? " I said.
If I was not nervous before, I was nervous now. It was like time had stopped. I was waiting for her response. What if I had been wrong? What if I misjudged her interest? how would I save face? How would I walk this back?
She smiled. "Yes I am interested," she said. "You are?" I asked. She smiled. "Yes very much so," she said. "Oh good. I had a list of reasons why you should marry me. " I said . she giggled. "What is on your list?" She asked. I chuckled.
"Well, I own ten percent of a construction company. I have been a construction foreman. I can build you stuff. If you need a new cabinet I am your guy. I can repair things. I can do remodels. " I said
She laughed. "I had not considered that," she said. She had a playful smile. "I can change a tire, change oil, I can't do everything but I can do a lot. I can save you a lot of money. " I said. "That is a bonus," she said.

"I cook. If you need a break from cooking I can do some of the cooking. " I said. "I will probably get tired from taking care of the ten kids we are going to have," she said. "I was thinking six. " I said. "Oh I see," she said.
"I am not in debt. The house is paid for. I know how to live within my means. I am responsible. " I said. "That is true," she said.
- I thought it was funny that his list was all practical stuff. He listed his abilities. I had not considered those. I agreed but those were not things I would have considered. The list showed his personality.
- -"in all seriousness, are you interested in pursuing a relationship?" I asked. She smiled. "Yes I am very much interested in a deeper relationship that would lead to marriage," she said.
"I am not the easiest person to live with. I am set in my ways. I am particular. I am stoic. I am bored. I am not everyone's cup of tea. " I said.
"I like how you are. I don't have any objection to you in that regard," she said. "I am a package deal. Are you ok with being a stepmom? I am looking for a wife, not a babysitter. I have no right to ask that if you. I can't put that on you. " I said
"I had considered that. i help to take care of my siblings. I knew that coming in. Yes I am prepared to be a stepmom. " she said.
"You are ok with being a stay-at-home mom?" I asked. "My mom stayed at home. Yes, I am bored with that.
. " she said. "Do you want kids of your own?" I used "yes very much do. I am fine with a big family. I come from a big family. I have always wanted to have a big family. " she said.
"Do you want more kids?" She asked. "I do. Liane and I had planned on having a big family. I came from a big family. I am kid-friendly. " I said. "I can tell that you are," she said.
"I want to pastor this church for the rest of my life. I am not sure what the Lord's will is in this. I have told the church that I will stay on as long as they want me to. I don't know if the lord will move me on. I could be called far away. Are you ok with potentially going anywhere?" i asked.
"Yes, I am. Being a pastor's kid, my dad warned me and my siblings that at any time the lord could move us. I do understand the aspect of being in a pastoral or ministry family. It would be hard to be away from my family. Yes, I am willing to go anywhere in the will Of God " she said.
"Oh good. That may not happen. I wanted to be sure you were open to that. I just don't know. my preference is to stay on at g.b.c but I am not sure. I don't have direction either way. " i said.
"I am fine either way. I would like to be near my family I understand that that may not be his will. My dad says that the best place to be is in the center of the will of God. " she said."my dad and granddad say the same. I agree" i said.

"Is the age difference an issue?" I asked."i have no problem with the fact your old;" she said in a playful tone. "I am not that old. I could easily be your big brother." I said. "True. I am kidding. I am fine with that. " she said. "Good. " I said.
"Are you ok with my age?" She asked. "Yes, I am fine with that. " I said. "I have a lot of youth and vigor. I.will keep you young," she said. I laughed 'I can see that. "I said.
" Are you personally king James only?" I asked. "Yes. I only use king James. It is a personal conviction. I did not understand all the hoopla. My dad challenged me to look at my favorite verses in other versions. I was stuned at how many were changed or altered. For me, the fourth man in the furnace is called the son of the gods or Lucifer being called day star . " she said.
"Those stuned me as well. I had a similar challenge from my dad. " I said. "I believe in separation from the world and error. A few years ago the billy gram evangelistic association held a crusade in the area. I did not tell the congregation that they could not attend but I did a whole sermon laying a case against neo evangelicalism and the legacy of the late billy gram. I strongly urged our people to not participate. You are a singer, I am sure that you have been asked to sing at events that are not separated." I said.
"I have. I have turned down any ecumenical services. I did sing at no I.f.b independent baptist churches. They were similar but not I.f.b. my dad knew of them. Anything ecumenical no. I am committed to baptist distinctive principles. " she said
"I wanted to make sure. We have a lot in common. I am sure we have some differences. " I said. "I imagine we do. We will work them out," she said.
"I talked to your dad. He is supportive of us. " I said."that explains a lot. I had a feeling you did. "She said. " is this really what you want? It's just you and me. Is that what you Nicole Marie Granger want? If it I not that ok. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. With no one else in the room, Is this what you want?" i asked.
"Yes. It is what I want. like Rebecca who agreed to marry issack, I say I will." She said. She took her hand and placed it In myne. I squeezed her hand. She had really melted my heart.