17 views
I wana change ..
I wish i can read mind.
I wished that wish before (multiple times actually). My biggest reason was I think my sever trust issues. I look at people and wonder what goes on in their head.
Are they here with me?, are they thinking the same thing?, or are they somewhere else?, may be thinking about this amaizing lunch they've had, or an itch they can't quite get, where do i stand with this person?, am i wasting my time?, do they think that I'm a fool... am i a fool? This dilemma goes on if I let it, but i stop myself.
Because trust isn't about knowing the mind it's about blieving it. If i could indeed read people's mind, it won't solve anything, infact knowing it will only make me not trust it at all (pshh..like I'm not doing that already, but you get the point). Our mind is our sacred place, where anything is possible. Where our angels can become devils and total strangers can become our lovers. It's where all our sick thoughts hide. It's where our insecurities live. It's our safe yet scary place. It's ours and not meant for anyone else. Somethings are better left mystery. Oblivion is a bliss they say.
Today though, i wished that wish for a different reason.
I wished to see a mind that's lost.
I wished to see a mind on edge.
I wished to see a mind alone.
I wished to hear its call for help.
A mind in distress.
A mind friends with monsters.
A mind in total darkness.
A mind which sees no point.
I can't be it's light but i hoped we could hold hands in it's void.
I wished to be a mirror for it to look at and see a beautiful masterpiece.
I can't save it but I wished to be there for it. I wish I could let it know that I can see it. I can't get it out but i was hoping to stay with it.
A hug would have been nice don't you think?
BUT,
what if i can't even do that?, what if i can't even make that mind feel like it belongs, what if all i could achieve is feeling helpless?, what if I end up being useless, or even worse, what if I can?, what if im helpful?, what if I'm useful but can't stay? What if i can't keep my promise? What if i become the very reason why that mind became like this? I can't be that person. It'll defeat my whole reason. I'll be that something which is wrong with the world. I'll kill the mind i wanted to hold. I don't want that. Never.
So my wish is worthless after all. To not see is better than to see and ignore. But by god i wish it was possible to see and stay forever.(cliche i know).
© amy_s
I wished that wish before (multiple times actually). My biggest reason was I think my sever trust issues. I look at people and wonder what goes on in their head.
Are they here with me?, are they thinking the same thing?, or are they somewhere else?, may be thinking about this amaizing lunch they've had, or an itch they can't quite get, where do i stand with this person?, am i wasting my time?, do they think that I'm a fool... am i a fool? This dilemma goes on if I let it, but i stop myself.
Because trust isn't about knowing the mind it's about blieving it. If i could indeed read people's mind, it won't solve anything, infact knowing it will only make me not trust it at all (pshh..like I'm not doing that already, but you get the point). Our mind is our sacred place, where anything is possible. Where our angels can become devils and total strangers can become our lovers. It's where all our sick thoughts hide. It's where our insecurities live. It's our safe yet scary place. It's ours and not meant for anyone else. Somethings are better left mystery. Oblivion is a bliss they say.
Today though, i wished that wish for a different reason.
I wished to see a mind that's lost.
I wished to see a mind on edge.
I wished to see a mind alone.
I wished to hear its call for help.
A mind in distress.
A mind friends with monsters.
A mind in total darkness.
A mind which sees no point.
I can't be it's light but i hoped we could hold hands in it's void.
I wished to be a mirror for it to look at and see a beautiful masterpiece.
I can't save it but I wished to be there for it. I wish I could let it know that I can see it. I can't get it out but i was hoping to stay with it.
A hug would have been nice don't you think?
BUT,
what if i can't even do that?, what if i can't even make that mind feel like it belongs, what if all i could achieve is feeling helpless?, what if I end up being useless, or even worse, what if I can?, what if im helpful?, what if I'm useful but can't stay? What if i can't keep my promise? What if i become the very reason why that mind became like this? I can't be that person. It'll defeat my whole reason. I'll be that something which is wrong with the world. I'll kill the mind i wanted to hold. I don't want that. Never.
So my wish is worthless after all. To not see is better than to see and ignore. But by god i wish it was possible to see and stay forever.(cliche i know).
© amy_s
