so she lost her brother at 2, wouldn't think she could remember that shit but she can, even today still even after all those battle and all those tears, all that fighting and jumping to the defence which has become 2nd nature to her ! why is the question your yearning to ask, answer is because for as long as she can remember she has been told shhh, be quiet, hang on wait a bit I'll speak to u after I do this, nobody took her serious every one around all thought she was stupid, but she ain't mad, she ain't scared, cos all that bullshit was my true blessing, made me stronger and made me who I am, I ain't back down , I can't be told what's meant to be for if time and this fucked up life has shown me anything is what is meant to be will be and I don't mean that as an everlasting thing I am talking reality what's happening what ever it may be, all the good and the bad and everything in between it's all meant to be we may not know the reason and we may not understand it at that moment and u know what we may never ever understand it either but I think that's the plan and the way it's meant to be some shit can't be explained some shit creates a new us some shit creates a new path some shit is the reason ur here and the same shit is the reason ur worried and concerned I can't explain life and the journey we go but I do know I have endured ALOT for someone my age and I ain't got a fuckiin clue why we go through what we do I think it's to make us stronger but I ain't know for sure, when I lost my brother I gotta say my whole family fell apart my mother would get drunk and leave me and my sister and brother in the house with the alarm on guess she thought she was protecting us, it went off whenever we would go to the toilet , I can still hear the high pitch noise in my head, I can't stand the shit she put us through but I understand why she took the route she did, I understand why she turned to boys m booze , losing my brother was tough dad was a truck driver rarely home she felt she had no one to turn to she she turned to the goose I get that I really do that's why I was a mummy's girl the only one that forgave her for the shit she put us through while we was so young not understanding wtf was going on ,I saw her every other weekend she was fun well so I thought no rules me and my other brother would break into houses smoke weed and ciggies I was one of the cool kids ! right?! wrong !!! I wasn't being a child she took that from me when she decided I was old enough to be a rebellious teen mind u I was 7 yrs old at this time, I look at my daughter's I can't imagine them doing the shit I did they just little girls they couldn't I can't believe I did wtf what kind of life was I really living🤷
TBC( to be continued)
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